Pro & Con - Bitte um Korrektur

[melle87]

Text:

First of all, I think advertising is very important because it keeps the economy alive. Without advertising there would be a lot of people who lose their jobs.
In my opinion advertising on the one hand saves jobs, makes our life easier and creates a certain lifestyle but on the other hand advertising turns people into objects for example by showing women on the TV without clothes to play attention to the new bodylotion of Dove.
Not only that, but I also think advertising increases the costs for the products but without advertising we do not know what is new on the market.
I think people need the hints in the advertisements to get an overview of the different products.
After all, I think we need advertising because people get creative jobs for example as a designer. In my opinion advertising is a kind of business.


Bitte um Korrektur!

[choccy_hobnob]

Hallo melle87! Zum Inhalt selbst sage ich jetzt lieber nichts (naja... vielleicht ein bisschen schon... ) (es ist schon eine Weile her, als ich solche Texte regelmäßig schreiben musste, ich traue mich also nicht so richtig daran ). Was die Grammatik allerdings angeht, gebe ich dir jetzt mal ein paar Korrekturen auf den Weg... ich muss aber sagen, dass dein Text ingesamt sehr gut war, also Glückwunsch

First of all, I think that advertising is very important because it keeps the economy alive. Without advertising, there would be a lot of people who would lose their jobs. (besser: "a lot of people would lose their jobs.")
In my opinion, on the one hand, advertising saves jobs, makes our lives easier and creates a certain lifestyle (wie genau schafft es das denn?). However, on the other hand, it can turn people into objects to make money: for example, by showing women on the TV without clothes in order to draw attention to the new Dove body lotion.
In addition to this, but I also think that advertising increases the costs of the products. (an dieser Stelle vielleicht eine kurze Erklärung, wie das so alles funktionieren soll?) That said, without advertising, we (besser: "the consumer") would not know what was new on the market.
I think that people need the hints in (besser: "information from") the advertisements to be able to get an overview of the different products available.
Moreover, advertising is also necessary to create creative jobs (for example, as a (set? costume? graphic?) designers). (Dieser Satz ist aber ein bisschen überflüssig, oder? Du hast schließlich schon im zweiten Satz behauptet, dass viele Leute ihren Job verlieren würden, wenn es keine Werbungen gäbe, was ja schon darauf hindeutet, dass Jobs dadurch geschaffen werden...) In my opinion, advertising is a kind of business(, and therefore largely only concerned with making money?).