Pro & Con - Bitte um Korrektur

[melle87]

Hallo, ich habe folgenden Text verfasst:

First of all, I think advertising is very important because it keeps the economy alive.
Without advertising there would be a lot of people who lose their jobs. In my opinion
advertising on th one hand save jobs, makes our life easier and creates a certain lifestyle
but on the other hand advertising turns people into objects for example by showing women
on the TV without clothes to play attention to the new body lotion of Dove.
Not only that but I also think advertising increases the costs for the products but without
advertising we do not know what is new on the market.
I think people need the hints in the advertisement to get an overview of the different products.
After all, I think we need advertising because people get creative jobs for exampe as a designer
and we need the funny entertainment.

Bitte um eine Korrektur und Meinung von euch!

Vielen Dank!

[joy]

Hallo, ich habe folgenden Text verfasst:

First of all, I think advertising is very important because it keeps the economy alive.
Without advertising there would be a lot of people would lose their jobs. In my opinion
advertising on the one hand saves jobs, makes our lives easier and creates a certain lifestyle.
But on the other hand advertising turns people into objects for example by showing women
on the TV without clothes to draw people's attention to the new body lotion of Dove.
Not only that but I also think advertising increases the costs for the products but without
advertising we do not know what is new on the market.
I think people need the hints in the advertisement to get an overview of the different products.
After all, I think we need advertising because people get creative jobs for example as a designer
and we need the funny entertainment. (Wirklich alle? Mich nervt sie)

Bitte um eine Korrektur und Meinung von euch!

Vielen Dank!

Hi melle 87
Mir gefällt der Text. Ich bin nur nicht sicher, ob du zuerst sachlich aufzeigen musst was für oder gegen die Werbung spricht und zum Schluss deine eigene Meinung erwähnst, ob du dafür oder dagegen bist und warum.

[joy]

Hi melle 87

Gerade sehe ich, dass du diesen Text gestern schon gepostet hast. Warum - er ist ja bereits von choccy hobnob sehr gut korrigiert.

Also siehe Korrektur von choccy hobnob und für das nächste Mal - nicht zweimal posten!