Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

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Quantaqa

Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von Quantaqa »

Servus zusammen!

Da es für mich bald nach Amerika zum Austausch gehen soll, bin ich dabei mein Motivationsschreiben / Cover Letter zu verfassen.
Im großen und ganzen bin ich soweit fertig - nur würdige ich von fachkundigen Menschen gerne nochmal eine neutrale Meinung hören :)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to apply for an opportunity to enhance my studies at the California State University: Long Beach as part of the Study USA program of the University of Applied Sciences Hamburg.

Two years ago, I came from Austria to Germany with my goal to get the best education provided in the specific field of Biotechnology. As I am currently in my third semester, I am looking forward to lift up my personal development to an even higher level. Studying abroad is the most convincing possibility for me to widen up my own spectrum of knowledge.
Since the beginning of my educational career I liked the idea of the exchange of different cultures and countries, so I became part of the Buddy-Program. This program provided guidance and support for incoming exchange students.
One of the appreciated side effects was that I got a good overview of the exchange program the University of Applied Sciences offers. While talking to our exchange students originating from
CSU: Long Beach this American University caught my attention.
The state of California has always been an engine in the research of chemistry and biology. With important companies like Celera Genomics and a wide field of smaller companies spread all over California, having the opportunity to study as an exchange student would be an overwhelming milestone.
During my past years, I gained valuable experiences while being an intern at a wide variety of facilities. The most nameable is the Office for Solar Architecture at the Energy Institute of Vorarlberg, Austria. Furthermore I participated in the prestigious governmental GEN-AU Summer School Internship at the Private University of Medicine in Hall, Tyrol for two summer terms in the field of Bioinformatics. Moreover I competed in a youth science project in Austria, providing an economical and ecological solution for a textile problem affecting our high-class winter tourism in several ski resorts.
As the CSU: Long Beach offers a great variety of different scientific fields, I had the opportunity to get a small preview of the courses in the chemical department as well as in the biological sciences department. Adding like Biomolecular Modeling and Biochemical Engineering to my personal knowledge and working with equipment that is not provided in Hamburg would be an eminent part of my personal education.

Being part of the exchange-program is a bilateral process. Additionally to gaining new experiences it is about also sharing them with others. I’m very keen on sharing my culture with my fellow students and letting them profit from my presence. I am dedicated to always reach out for the best and show a high commitment. With my ability to relate with people, my wide-spread knowledge and my determination to use this exchange program as a capstone of my future career I am the right choice for this program.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,




Ich hoffe, der passt von der Struktur her. Verschont mich nicht mit harscher Kritik, irgendwie muss ichs ja lernen :>
Vielen dank im vorraus!

Delfino

Re: Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von Delfino »

Quantaqa hat geschrieben:Servus zusammen!

Da es für mich bald nach Amerika zum Austausch gehen soll, bin ich dabei mein Motivationsschreiben / Cover Letter zu verfassen.
Im Großen und Ganzen bin ich soweit fertig - nur würdige ich von fachkundigeren Menschen gerne noch eine neutrale Meinung hören :)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to apply for an opportunity to enhance my knowledge (and skills) at the California State University: Long Beach
as part of the Study USA program of the University of Applied Sciences Hamburg.

Two years ago I came from Austria to Germany to get a good education in the specific field of Biotechnology.
As I am currently in my third semester, I am looking forward to improve myself to an even higher level.
I think, studying abroad is the most effective possibility to widen/broaden my horizon.
Since the beginning of my education I liked the idea of knowledge exchange between different cultures and countries.
So it was natural for to join the Buddy-Program at my university.
This program provides guidance and support for incoming exchange students.
One of the appreciated side effects was that I got a good overview of the exchange program the University of Applied Sciences offers.
While talking to our exchange students originating from CSU: Long Beach this American University caught my attention.

The state of California has always been an engine in the research of chemistry and biology.
The opportunities for an exchange student are overwhelming with important companies like Celera Genomics and a wide range of smaller companies spread all over California.

During recent years, I gained valuable experiences while working as an intern at a wide variety of facilities.
The most nameable one is the Office for Solar Architecture at the Energy Institute of Vorarlberg, Austria.
Furthermore, I participated in the prestigious governmental GEN-AU Summer School Internship at the Private University of Medicine in Hall, Tyrol for two summer terms in the field of Bioinformatics.
Moreover, I competed in a youth science project in Austria providing an economical and ecological solution for a textile problem affecting our high-class winter tourism in several ski resorts.
As the CSU: Long Beach offers a great variety of different scientific fields, I used the opportunity to get a small preview (how???) of the courses in the chemical department as well as in the biological sciences department.
Adding areas like Biomolecular Modeling and Biochemical Engineering to my knowledge and working with equipment that is not available in Hamburg would be an eminent part of my education.

I know, that being part of a exchange-program is always a bilateral process.
Additionally to gaining new experiences I am also keen on sharing my ... with others.
I am very keen on sharing my culture with my fellow students and letting them profit from my presence.
I am dedicated to always reach out for the best and show a high commitment in all activities.
So I can use my ability to relate with people, my wide-spread knowledge and my determination to make this exchange program a milestone of my future career.
Therefore I am conviced that I am the right person for this program.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,




Ich hoffe, der passt von der Struktur her. - Ich habe mich auf die Sprache beschränkt.
Verschont mich nicht mit harscher Kritik, irgendwie muss ichs ja lernen :> Kürzere Sätze!
Vielen Dank im Vorraus!

Delfino

Re: Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von Delfino »

Ich habe noch einmal Korrektur gelesen. :)

Motivationsschreiben - Die Crux des Auslandssemesters.
Delfino hat geschrieben:
Quantaqa hat geschrieben:Servus zusammen!

Da es für mich bald nach Amerika zum Austausch gehen soll, bin ich dabei mein Motivationsschreiben / Cover Letter zu verfassen.
Im Großen und Ganzen bin ich soweit fertig - nur würdige ich von fachkundigeren Menschen gerne noch eine neutrale Meinung hören :)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to apply for an opportunity to enhance my knowledge (and skills) at the California State University, Long Beach
as part of the Study USA program of the University of Applied Sciences Hamburg.

Two years ago I came from Austria to Germany to get a good education in the specific field of biotechnology.
As I am currently in my third semester, I am looking forward to increase my knowledge even / a bit further.
I think, studying abroad is the most effective possibility to widen/broaden my horizon.
Since the beginning of my education I liked the idea of knowledge exchange between different cultures and countries.
So it was natural for me to join the Buddy-Program at my university.
The participants provide guidance and support for incoming exchange students.
One of the appreciated side effects was that I gained a good overview about the exchange program my university offers.
While talking to our exchange students originating from the CSULB this American University caught my attention.

I know that the state of California has always been an leader in the research of chemistry and biology.
The opportunities for an exchange student are overwhelming with important companies like Celera Genomics and a wide range of smaller companies spread all over California.

During recent years, I gained valuable experiences while working as an intern at a wide variety of facilities.
The most nameable one is the Office for Solar Architecture at the Energy Institute of Vorarlberg, Austria.
Furthermore, I participated in the prestigious governmental GEN-AU Summer School Internship at the Private University of Medicine in Hall, Tyrol for two summer terms in the field of bioinformatics.
Moreover, I competed in a youth science project in Austria providing an economical and ecological solution for a textile problem affecting our high-class winter tourism in several ski resorts.
As the CSULB offers a great variety of different scientific fields, I used the opportunity to get a small preview (how???) of the courses in the chemical department as well as in the biological sciences department.
Adding areas like biomolecular modeling and biochemical engineering to my knowledge and working with equipment that is not available in Hamburg would be an important part of my (higher) education.

I know, that being part of a exchange-program is always a bilateral process.
Additionally to gaining new experiences I am also keen on sharing my ... with others.
I am very keen on sharing my culture with my fellow students and letting them profit from my presence.
I am dedicated to always reach out for the best and show a high commitment in all activities.
So I can use my ability to relate with people, my wide-spread knowledge and my determination to make this exchange program a milestone of my future career.
Therefore I am conviced that I am the right person for this program.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,




Ich hoffe, der passt von der Struktur her. - Ich habe mich auf die Sprache beschränkt.
Verschont mich nicht mit harscher Kritik, irgendwie muss ichs ja lernen :> Kürzere Sätze!
Vielen Dank im Vorraus!
Fächernamen / Vorlesungen beginnen mit einem großen Buchstaben
but subject areas are not ...

joy

Re: Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von joy »

Noch ein paar Korrekturen:

Text Quantaqa: This program provides guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Das ist generell der Fall)



Text Delfino: The participants are provided guidance and support for incoming exchange students.

I know that the state of California has always been
an leader in the research of chemistry and biology.

I know
, that being part of an exchange-program is always a bilateral process.

Therefore I am convi
nced that I am the right person for this program.

Delfino

Re: Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von Delfino »

joy hat geschrieben:Noch ein paar Korrekturen:

Quantaqa: This program provides guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Aktiv.) Der Satz steht so auch in meiner ersten Korrektur.

Delfino: The participants are provided guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Passiv) Ok, das beschreibt es aus der Sicht der Austauschstudenten.

The participants provide guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Aktiv) Der Schreibende war einer der "aktiven" Teilnehmer im Programm.

joy

Re: Motivationsschreiben - Der Crux des Auslandssemesters.

Beitrag von joy »

Delfino hat geschrieben:
joy hat geschrieben:Noch ein paar Korrekturen:

Quantaqa: This program providesguidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Aktiv.) Der Satz steht so auch in meiner ersten Korrektur.

Delfino: The participants are provided guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Passiv) Ok, das beschreibt es aus der Sicht der Austauschstudenten.


The participants provide guidance and support for incoming exchange students. (Aktiv)Der Schreibende war einer der "aktiven" Teilnehmer im Programm.


Mmh. Bei unseren beiden Beispielen ist etwas falsch.
Die Studenten sind ja die Teilnehmer. Also müssten wir es wie folgt schreiben:

Also: (The participants)The incoming exchange students are provided with guidance and support by this program.

Quantaqa's Beispiel, das eigentlich besser und in Ordnung ist:
This program provides guidance and support for incoming exchange students.