Text über micht für assistant teachership zur Korrektur

[Markafa]

Hallo zusammen!
Für meien Lehrerinnenausbildung muss ich 3 Wochen in einer englischen Schule mithelfen. Dazu sollte ich einen Text über mich schreiben. Könntet ihr den wohl kurz überfliegen, ob das so ok ist? Das wäre toll!

I would like to give you a short glimpse about myself:
I still live with my parents and two of my three brothers in a small town near Zurich. My father is a pilot. During the week, my mother looks after children whose parents are working during the day (I think, that is called a day nanny) and on the weekends, she’s a shop assistant in a book-kiosk in the airport.
My younger brother, aged 19, is studying economy and my older brother, aged 25, is studying history. My eldest brother, aged 28, has already moved out. He works in chemical industry.
Besides my brothers, I have got three “day sisters” and three “day brothers” in the age of 4 month to ten years. In addition to this, two small cats called Barney and Hannibal, both 5 month old, live in our house. They are very sweet and cuddly.
I am a member of the evangelic church, but I am not deeply religious and haven’t been in a church for a long time. I have no problem with other religions and views of the world and am open to them.
In my spare time, I play volleyball in a club. I also am a referee for volleyball matches in lower leagues. Furthermore, I dance since I am 4 years old. For a long time, I danced ballet, but because we were not enough participants in the end, they unfortunately quit the lesson. So I only do jazz dance now. When I have enough time, I also like to do other sports, like running, swimming, Pilates, … For me, sport is a very good compensation/balance for/besides work and study.
Of course, I like also reading a good book or listening to music. I play the harp which is, in my opinion, a wonderful instrument.
I once worked in a riding school where I learned first skills in riding. I really enjoyed the work with animals and children. It was wonderful to see, how horses and children got along together!
After grammar school, I worked in a privet school, in a children’s hospital and, as I said, in a riding school for children. After that, I stayed two month in Ecuador, where I learned Spanish, travelled, worked in a day care centre for children and helped with horse therapy for disabled children. I had a great time there and learned a lot about myself and life.

I’m looking forward to a great and interesting time!

[choccy_hobnob]

Hallo Markafa! Deinen Text finde ich wirklich prima: ganz gut geschrieben mit nur ein paar ganz kleinen Fehlern. Bei den meisten meiner Vorschläge geht es hauptsächlich um Stil

Here goes!

I would like to give you a short glimpse about myself: "I would like to give a brief glimpse into my life" wäre besser, wobei ich mir nicht sicher bin, ob das 100% den angedachten Sinn trifft?
I still live with my parents and two of my three brothers in a small town near Zurich. My father is a pilot. During the week, my mother looks after children whose parents are working during the day (I think, that is called a day nanny - das mag sein, in England sagt man aber in der Regel "childminder") and on the weekends (noch britischer: "at the weekend"), she’s (besser: "she works as") a shop assistant in an airport book kiosk. (Kiosk oder shop?)
My younger brother, aged 19, is studying Economics, and my older brother, aged 25, is studying History. My eldest brother, aged 28, has already moved out. He works in the chemical industry.
Besides my brothers, I have got three “day sisters” and three “day brothers” (was sind eigentlich "day sisters" und "day brothers"? ? ?) between the ages of/who are aged between 4 months and ten years. In addition to this, two small cats called Barney and Hannibal, both 5 months old, live in our house. They are very sweet and cuddly.
I am a member of the evangelical church, but I am not deeply religious and haven’t been in a church for a long time. I have no problem with other religions or views of the world; in fact, I am open to them.
In my spare time, I play volleyball in a club. I also am a referee for volleyball matches in lower leagues (oder: "for lower league volleyball matches"). (Furthermore,) I have (also) been dancing since I was 4 years old.("Furthermore" scheint sehr beliebt bei Deutschen zu sein, klingt in meinen Ohren aber immer etwas holprig. Ein einfaches "also" finde ich besser.)For a long time, I danced ballet, but because there were not enough participants in the end, they unfortunately cancelled the lesson.Besser: "I took ballet lessons for a long time/for many years, but the lessons unfortunately had to be cancelled due to lack of participation."Since then, I only do jazz dance (oder: "take jazz lessons").When I have enough time, I also like to do other sports, such as running, swimming and Pilates. For me, sport is a very good compensation/balance for/besides work and study. Vielleicht: "I think that sport is a good way to balance out work and study."
Of course, I also enjoy reading a good book or listening to music. I play the harp, which is, in my opinion, a wonderful instrument.
I once worked in a riding school, where I learned basic riding skills. (Ich glaube, das ist es, was du damit gemeint hast!) I really enjoyed the work with the animals and children. It was wonderful to see, how well the horses and children got along together!
After leaving grammar school, I worked in a private school (eine "privet" Schule wäre bestimmt was... im Vergleich dazu sind Ziegel ganz langweilig! ), in a children’s hospital and, as previously mentioned, at a riding school for children. After that, I stayed in Ecuador for two months, where I learned Spanish, travelled, worked in a day care centre (for children) (das "for children" kannst du ruhig weglassen - wozu sonst sind day care centres da?) and helped (oder: "assisted") with horse therapy for disabled children. I had a great time there and learned a lot about life and about myself.

I’m looking forward to having a great and interesting time! (oder: "experience") "Great" hast du schon mal im vorherigen Satz gesagt... mögliche Alternativen: "rewarding", "unforgettable", "exciting"... die Liste geht weiter .

[Markafa]

Danke viel Mals! Das hat mir sehr geholfen!!

Ich wünsche dir noch ein schönes Wochenende!
Liebe Grüsse
Markafa

P.S. "day sister/brother" (also Tagesschwester oder -bruder) nenne ich die Kinder, auf die meine Mutter den Tag über aufpasst. Sie ist eine Tagesmutter, und die Kinder meine Tagesgeschwister. =)

[tiorthan]

Unglücklicherweise wird das auf Englisch niemand verstehen, denn es gibt ja auch keine "day mother". Auf Englisch heißen die nämlich nanny oder childminder. Ich hab irgendwo mal day nanny gehört, aber irgendwie ist für mich selbst von diesem Wort der logische Sprung noch viel zu groß.