Korrektur bzw. Verbesserungsvorschläge für meinen Text ?

Sätze und kurze Texte, die korrigiert wurden
Märzmelodie

Korrektur bzw. Verbesserungsvorschläge für meinen Text ?

Beitrag von Märzmelodie »

Beauty in todays world is associated with the BMI. When you have the right BMI you are beautiful. But people are still starving to get thin. Eating disorders are am issue. People get plastic surgeries to become more beautiful or to get their youth back. They want to be kind of immortal and they spend a lot of money to pay the medical bills. There are also many people, which want to be like their idol and they try to emulate them. Think many stars are under pressure and so they change their eating habits to keep their body thin, and other people try to be as thin as them. So they end up emaciated and sick.

Es wäre sehr nett, wenn mir jemand den Text korrigieren könnte bzw. mir noch Formulierungsvorschläge geben könnte.

Danke schon mal im vorraus ! :)

Keswick (Contributor)

Re: Korrektur bzw. Verbesserungsvorschläge für meinen Text ?

Beitrag von Keswick (Contributor) »

Märzmelodie hat geschrieben:Beauty in today's world is associated with the BMI. When you have the right BMI you are beautiful. But people are still starving to get thin. Eating disorders are an issue. People have plastic surgery done to become more beautiful or to get their youth back. They want to be kind of immortal and they spend a lot of money to pay for the medical bills. There are also many people, who want to be like their idols and they try to copy them. I think many stars are under pressure and so they change their eating habits to keep their body thin, and other people try to be as thin as them. So they end up emaciated and sick.

Es wäre sehr nett, wenn mir jemand den Text korrigieren könnte bzw. mir noch Formulierungsvorschläge geben könnte.

Danke schon mal im Vorraus ! :)

joy

Re: Korrektur bzw. Verbesserungsvorschläge für meinen Text ?

Beitrag von joy »

Märzmelodie hat geschrieben:Beauty in today's world is associated with the BMI (Body-Mass-Index). When you have the right BMI you are healthy and beautiful. But many people are still starving to get thinner than the BMI indicates. There are also many people, who want These people want to be like their idols and thus try to emulate them. I can imagine that many stars are under pressure and so they change their eating habits to keep their body thin, and other people try to be as thin as them. And this is often the cause of eating disorders which have become an issue.

Other people have plastic surgeries to become more beautiful or to get their youth back. They want to be kind of immortal and they spend a lot of money to pay their medical bills. So they end up emaciated and sick.

Es wäre sehr nett, wenn mir jemand den Text korrigieren könnte bzw. mir noch Formulierungsvorschläge geben könnte.

Danke schon mal im vorraus ! :)

Liebe Grüsse
joy