Bewerbung - Korrekturlesen

[Kleeherz]

Hallo Allerseits,
ich möchte mich an der Uni für einen Job als Hiwi bewerben, spreche durch meine Eltern auch recht gut Englisch,
mache schriftlich nur immer mal wieder ein paar Fehler. Und bevor ich die Bewerbung abgebe, wäre ich echt beruhigt, wenn
mir jemand Korrektur lesen könnte.
Hier mein Anschreiben:


Dear Dr. [...],
with this cover letter I apply for the announced position as student assistant in the department Englisch at the Sprachenzentrum at the Technische Universität [...]. In the upcoming term I will start my academic studies of Architecture and additionally I would like to gain a little money. Trough my parents I have been raised bilingually and from there I speak a proper English. Furthermore I selected a linguistic profile in the upper school and did my final examination among other things in English. By reason of my upcoming academic studies I am looking for a fairly long-term employment, also because I plan to stay in Brunswick for the next five years. I distinguish myself through a lot of artistic creativity (drawing, painting, layout, design) but also through interpersonal skills and a bent to Team-work. Accuracy and a steady job performance are, as well as autonomous thinking and acting, a matter of course to me. I am sure I would fit perfectly on your employment offer and be delighted to attend a personal interview with you.
Yours sincerely,
[...]

Wär toll wenn mir jemand helfen könnte. Vielen herzlichen Dank schonmal im voraus.

[mike88]

Hallo
Die Grammatik scheint meistens in Ordnung zu sein. Ich habe jedoch den Brief mit einigen stilistischen Aenderungen umgeschrieben, damit er ein wenig fluessiger ist. Was ich geschrieben habe ist aber nur ein Vorschlag, bitte ignoriere es, wenn es dir nicht gefaellt!

Dear Dr. [...],
with this cover letter I apply for the announced position as student assistant in the English Department at the Sprachenzentrum at the Technische Universität [...]. In the coming term I will be starting my academic study of architecture and I would also like to earn a little money. My parents raised me bilingually, which is why I speak good English.

Furthermore I selected a linguistic profile in the upper school and did my final examination among other things in English. (Dieser Satz ist zwar verstaendlich, aber er kam mir ein wenig merkwuerdig vor. Da ich jedoch nicht weiss, worueber du schreibst, habe ich ihn nicht korrigiert.)

In view of my upcoming academic studies, and also because I plan to stay in Brunswick for the next five years, I am looking for fairly long-term employment. I am distinguished by my artistic creativity (drawing, painting, layout, design) and by my interpersonal skills. I also work well in teams. Accuracy and a steady job performance are,

as well as autonomous thinking and acting, (Dieser Satz ist gut, aber du koenntest auch "as well as an individual approach to my work" schreiben.)

a matter of course to me. I am sure I would be perfect for the position and would be delighted to come for a personal interview with you.
Yours sincerely,
(Uebrigens, obwohl ich deinen Brief ein wenig veraendert habe, sprichst du sehr gut Englisch!)