Hilfe bei hostletter!

Sätze und kurze Texte, die korrigiert wurden
kati5791

Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von kati5791 »

hey ich möchte nächstes jahr als au pair in die usa und muss ein personal letter schreiben. Ich würde mich freuen wenn ihr diesen mal durchlesen könntet und mir fehler und verbesserungsvorschläge posten könntet ! dankeee im vorraus:angel: :read: :out:




To my Furter Hostfamily,

this letter delivers you an insight into my life, so you can decide if I could be the right Au-Pair to live with you.

At first I want to introduce myself: My name is Katrin and I am living with my parents and my sister in a little village called Schweich which is near to Trier. Trier is the oldest German city close to the lovely river Mosel. There is also a big wine-growing region. In Trier you could find a lot of Roman monuments. My parents are called Andrea and Bernd and I have a very good relationship with them. My mother works in as a geriatric nurse and my Dad works as an event maneger in the Arena Trier . I am also pretty close to my younger sister Alexandra (16). She still goes to school. We also got a three years old Parson Russell Terrier called Sid and a fourteen year old cat called Timo. They really supports my wish to go to America. Knowing that this is a great opportunity for me to develop as a person . I am sure that I am going to miss my family.
If I should describe myself as a person I would say I’m very humorous, I am a cheerfull person, I am honest, reliable, serious and warm- hearted. I am also patient and open- minded. I learn fast new things and I’m able to take critcism, I’m trusty and just in time. So i would say I am a responsible person.

I spend a lot of my time with my fiends . My best friends Paula, Luisa and Helen goe to the same school as I. We are very alike and have the same type of humor. So we always have fun together and with our other friends. My friends are basically separated in two groups. The first group are my friends from the town. At the weekends we often go out together. The other group are my friends from school. Because we saw each other nearly every day for about nine years we get along with each other and I hope that we do not loose the contact after having graduated and starting a new period of life.

For me this period of life should start with one year as Au-Pair in America. I think living in a foreign country with a new family for one year is the perfect alternation after being at school for 13 years.
Wanting to gain more independence I am really looking forward to become an Au-Pair. My main reason to spend a year as an Au Pair in the US is that I love to take care of children, watch them grow up and enjoy being with them in general. I hope to experience a lot of different things and become more independent. Furthermore I hope to improve my English, make new friends and get to know another culture. I would like to work as an au pair, because to me children are unique and special. I enjoy working and beeing with children, I love to just be around with them, talking to them, playing with them, going to the park or beach with them or somthing like that. To me one of the best feelings in the world is when you have a child´s trust, and most of all friendship.


Other things I like to do in my spare time is going out to see my friends and meet new people, being at the public pool or riding bike. I also love to dance in the Schweicher Karneval Verein. This is a carnival club. Schweich and Trier is a carnival stronghold with big carnival parades. I dance in diffrent groups. At first the traditional red coated dancing girl in Rhenish carnival and second a kind of show- dance. The one thing I could not life without is music. Unfortunately I stopped playing saxophone. I also like my Temporary job in the Arena Trier. There I often see concerts, bassketttball games and this job allow me to look and work backstage.

Now I want to tell you something about my childcare experiences:
The first time I worked with children was when I was 15 years old. I started to train a group of children in the carnival club. They were 6 to 15 years old and we train every week our dance.We really had a lot of fun together. 2009 I stopped to train them because they get to old and I startet to train the so called "bambini" dance group.This was o group of 7 child in age of 4 to 7 years. And I am still ongoing to train them. But in both group we are two trainers.All in all I was a Tutor for three years and I have still a good relationship to those kids.
Carnival last year I moderate a speacial carnival party for young children and i had a lot of fun with them.
The second childcare experience I made at a practical training in a kindergarten. There I worked together with two kindergarten teachers in the group which includes 24 kids. They were 3 to 6 years old. I have played a lot of games with them, we went to the playground and for walks and tinkered . I also helped the older ones to do their preschool works and the younger ones to dress when we went outside. Besides I had to do some household chores like heating up the meals for the kids, cleaning up and do the dishes. This was no problem for me because I am used to help my mom at home. In the time I worked in the kindergarten I have really became fond of "my kids" and I am going to miss them. I also have a cousins called Lena (six years). She lives near to Schweich and when we visit them we have a lot of fun together. We go to the public pool or just playing some games.
The children and young people who I have worked with were very agile, active and open minded. So I know stressful situations and who I can handel this situations.

Additionally I want to mention that I have my drivers license since August 2009. I am used to drive a lot and so I would say I drive good an save. When I was at driving school I had to make a first aid course which I have successfully passed.
Also I would like to mention that I have a piercings and one tattoo. The piercing is in my bellybutton and so most of the time covered. My tattoo which is a star on my left wrist. So unfortunately I cound not cover it up.

I feel that this is one of the greatest opportunities I will ever have and I would really love to share it with you and your family in order to make this year an unforgettable memory to all of us.
I hope my letter has given you enough information for this time an I am looking forward to talk to you.

Sincerely yours,


Katrin.

ibex

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von ibex »

kati5791 hat geschrieben:hey ich möchte nächstes jahr als au pair in die usa und muss ein personal letter schreiben. Ich würde mich freuen wenn ihr diesen mal durchlesen könntet und mir fehler und verbesserungsvorschläge posten könntet ! dankeee im vorraus:angel: :read: :out:  Hallo Kati! Ich bin zwar kein Profi in Englisch und kann dir keine Stilvorschläge machen, darum warte bitte auch auf eine andere Antwort. Ich habe aber einige Rechtschreibfehler gefunden, vielleicht hilft dir das weiter.

To my Furter Hostfamily,

this letter delivers you an insight into my life, so you can decide if I could be the right Au-Pair to live with you.

At first I want to introduce myself: My name is Katrin and I am living with my parents and my sister in a little village called Schweich which is near to Trier. Trier is the oldest German city close to the lovely river Mosel. There is also a big wine-growing region. In Trier you could find a lot of Roman monuments. My parents are called Andrea and Bernd and I have a very good relationship with them. My mother works in as a geriatric nurse and my Dad works as an event manager in the Arena Trier. I am also pretty close to my younger sister Alexandra (16). She still goes to (evtl. attends) school. We also got a three years old Parson Russell Terrier called Sid and a fourteen-year-old (or years old) cat called Timo. They really supports my wish to go to America. Knowing that this is a great opportunity for me to develop as a person . I am sure that I am going to miss my family.
If I should describe myself as a person I would say I’m very humorous, I am a cheerfull person, I am honest, reliable, serious and warm-hearted. I am also patient and open- minded. I learn fast new things and I’m able to take criticism, I’m trusty and just in time. So I would say I am a responsible person.
I spend a lot of my time with my fiends . My best friends Paula, Luisa and Helen goe (bzw. went as you've finished now)to the same school as I do. We are very alike and have the same type of humour. So we always have fun together and with our other friends. My friends are basically separated in two groups. The first group are my friends from the town. At the weekends we often go out together. The other group are my friends from school. Because we saw each other nearly every day for about nine years we got along with each other and I hope that we do not loose the contact after having graduated and starting a new period of life.

For me this period of life should start with one year as Au-Pair in America. I think living in a foreign country with a new family for one year is the perfect alternation after being at school for 13 years.
Wanting to gain more independence I am really looking forward to become an Au-Pair. My main reason to spend a year as an Au Pair in the US is that I love to take care of children, watch them grow up and enjoy being with them in general. I hope to experience a lot of different things and become more independent. Furthermore I hope to improve my English, make new friends and get to know another culture. I would like to work as an au pair, because to me children are unique and special. I enjoy working and beeing with children, I love to just be around with them, talking to them, playing with them, going to the park or beach with them or something like that. To me one of the best feelings in the world is when you have a child´s trust, and most of all friendship.


Other things I like to do in my spare time is going out to see my friends and meet new people, being at the public pool or riding bike. I also love to dance in the Schweicher Karneval Verein. This is a carnival club. Schweich and Trier is a carnival stronghold with big carnival parades. I dance in different groups. At first the traditional red coated dancing girl in Rhenish carnival and second a kind of show- dance. The one thing I could not life without is music. Unfortunately I stopped playing the saxophone. I also like my Temporary job in the Arena Trier. There I often see concerts, bassketttball games and this job allows me to look and work backstage.

Now I want to tell you something about my childcare experiences:
The first time I worked with children was when I was 15 years old. I started to train a group of children in the carnival club. They were 6 to 15 years old and we train every week our dance. We really had a lot of fun together. 2009 I stopped to train them because they get to old and I startet to train the so called "bambini" dance group.This was
a group of 7 children in age of 4 to 7 years. And I am still ongoing on to train them. But in both groups we are two trainers. All in all I was a Tutor for three years and I have still a good relationship to those kids.
In Carnival last year I moderated a speacial carnival party for young children and I had a lot of fun with them.
The second childcare experience I made at a practical training in a kindergarten. There I worked together with two kindergarten teachers in the group which includes 24 kids. They were 3 to 6 years old. I have played a lot of games with them, we went to the playground and for walks and tinkered . I also helped the older ones to do their preschool works and the younger ones to dress when we went outside. Besides I had to do some household chores like heating up the meals for the kids, cleaning up and do the dishes. This was no problem for me because I am used to help my mom at home. In the time I worked in the kindergarten I have really became fond of "my kids" and I am going to miss them. I also have a cousins called Lena (six years). She lives near to Schweich and when we visit them we have a lot of fun together. We go to the public pool or just playing some games.
The children and young people who I have worked with were very agile, active and open minded. So I know stressful situations and who I can handle this situations.

Additionally I want to mention that I have my driving license since August 2009. I am used to drive a lot and so I would say I drive good an save. When I was at driving school I had to make a first aid course which I have successfully passed.
Also I would like to mention that I have a piercings (or a piercing) and one tattoo. The piercing is in my bellybutton and so most of the time covered. My tattoo which is a star is on my left wrist. So unfortunately I can not cover it up.

I feel that this is one of the greatest opportunities I will ever have and I would really love to share it with you and your family in order to make this year an unforgettable memory to all of us.
I hope my letter has given you enough information for this time and I am looking forward to talking (looking forward to... always needs a Gerund) to you.

Sincerely yours,


Katrin.
 
Ich hoffe ich konnte dir ein bisschen helfen.
Liebe Grüße,
Ibex
 

Alex2010

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von Alex2010 »

ibex hat geschrieben:
kati5791 hat geschrieben:Hey ich möchte nächstes Jahr als Au Pair in die Usa und muss einen "personal letter" schreiben. Ich würde mich freuen, wenn ihr diesen mal durchlesen könntet und mir Fehler und Verbesserungsvorschläge posten könntet ! Danke im Vorraus:angel: :read: :out: Hallo Kati! Ich bin zwar kein Profi in Englisch und kann dir keine Stilvorschläge machen, darum warte bitte auch auf eine andere Antwort. Ich habe aber einige Rechtschreibfehler gefunden, vielleicht hilft dir das weiter.

To my Furter host family,
("Furter" gibt es nicht. Meinst du "future"? Ich würde "prospective" nehmen.)

this letter delivers to you an insight into my life, so you are able to decide whether I could be the right Au-Pair after reading the following description:

At first I want to introduce myself: My name is Katrin and I live with my parents and my sister in a small village called Schweich which is near to Trier. Trier is the oldest city of Germany and it is close to the lovely river Mosel. The region around the Mosel is noted for its viniculture. Trier has many monuments of the Romans for example the Porta Nigra. (Könntest du erwähnen, da es Weltkulturerbe ist.)

My parents are called Andrea and Bernd and I have a very good relationship to them. My mother works as a geriatric nurse and my Dad works as an event manager for the Arena Trier. I am also pretty close to my younger sister Alexandra (16). She still attends to school. We have got a three years old Parson Russell Terrier called Sid and a fourteen-year-old (or years old) cat called Timo, too.

My whole family really supports my wish to go to America. (Hört sich so an, als ob Deine Tiere den Austausch befürworten. Daher vielleicht nochmal Rückwirkend die Familie erwähnen)
Knowing that would be a great opportunity for me to develop as a person . Nevertheless
I am sure that I would miss my family.

If I should describe myself as a person I would say I am very humorous, I am a cheerfull person, I am honest, reliable, serious and warm-hearted. I am also patient and open- minded. I learn new things fast and I am able to take criticism serious, I am trusty and I take schedules on time. So I would say I am a responsible person.
I spend a lot of my time with my fiends . My best friends Paula, Luisa and Helen goe (bzw. went as you've finished now)to the same school as I do. We are very alike and have the same type of humour. So we always have fun together with our other friends. My friends are basically separated in two groups:
The first group consists of my friends from my home town. On weekends we often go out together. The other group consists of my friends from school. Because we see each other nearly every day for about nine years we got along with each other and I hope that we do not loose contact after having graduated and starting a new period of life.

As for me this new period of my life shall start with one year as an Au-Pair in America. I think living in a foreign country with a new family for one year is the perfect alternation after being at school for thirteen years.
Wanting to gain more independency I am really looking forward to become an Au-Pair. My main reason to spend a year as an Au Pair in the US is that I love to take care of children, watch them grow up and enjoy being with them in general. I hope to experience a lot of different things and become more independent. Furthermore I hope to improve my English, make new friends and get to know another culture. I would like to work as an au pair, because to me children are unique and special. I enjoy working and beeing with children, I love to just be around with them, talking to them, playing with them, going to the park or beach with them or something like that. To me one of the best feelings in the world is when you have a child´s trust, and most of all friendship.


Other things I like to do in my spare time is going out to see my friends and meet new people, being at the public pool or riding bike. I also love to dance in the Schweicher Karneval Verein. This is a carnival club. Schweich and Trier is a carnival stronghold with big carnival parades. I dance in different groups. At first the traditional red coated dancing girl in Rhenish carnival and second a kind of show- dance. The one thing I could not life without is music. Unfortunately I stopped playing the saxophone. I also like my Temporary job in the Arena Trier. There I often see concerts, bassketttball games and this job allows me to look and work backstage.

Now I want to tell you something about my childcare experiences:
The first time I worked with children was when I was 15 years old. I started to train a group of children in the carnival club. They were 6 to 15 years old and we train every week our dance. We really had a lot of fun together. 2009 I stopped to train them because they get to old and I startet to train the so called "bambini" dance group.This was
a group of 7 children in age of 4 to 7 years. And I am still ongoing on to train them. But in both groups we are two trainers. All in all I was a Tutor for three years and I have still a good relationship to those kids.
In Carnival last year I moderated a speacial carnival party for young children and I had a lot of fun with them.
The second childcare experience I made at a practical training in a kindergarten. There I worked together with two kindergarten teachers in the group which includes 24 kids. They were 3 to 6 years old. I have played a lot of games with them, we went to the playground and for walks and tinkered . I also helped the older ones to do their preschool works and the younger ones to dress when we went outside. Besides I had to do some household chores like heating up the meals for the kids, cleaning up and do the dishes. This was no problem for me because I am used to help my mom at home. In the time I worked in the kindergarten I have really became fond of "my kids" and I am going to miss them. I also have a cousins called Lena (six years). She lives near to Schweich and when we visit them we have a lot of fun together. We go to the public pool or just playing some games.
The children and young people who I have worked with were very agile, active and open minded. So I know stressful situations and who I can handle this situations.

Additionally I want to mention that I have my driving license since August 2009. I am used to drive a lot and so I would say I drive good an save. When I was at driving school I had to make a first aid course which I have successfully passed.
Also I would like to mention that I have a piercings (or a piercing) and one tattoo. [/font][/size][font=Times New Roman","serif]The piercing is in my bellybutton and so most of the time covered. My tattoo which is a star is on my left wrist. So unfortunately I can not cover it up.

I feel that this is one of the greatest opportunities I will ever have and I would really love to share it with you and your family in order to make this year an unforgettable memory to all of us.
I hope my letter has given you enough information for this time and I am looking forward to talking (looking forward to... always needs a Gerund) to you.

Sincerely yours,


Katrin.


Ich hoffe ich konnte dir ein bisschen helfen.
Liebe Grüße,
Ibex




Hallo Kati5791,

wie du siehst ist noch eine Menge offen. Ich hoffe, meinem Nachredner etwas Arbeit abgenommen zu haben.

Alles Gute und liebe Grüße,
Alex :uppy:

Delfino

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von Delfino »

Alex2010 hat geschrieben:Ich hoffe, meinem Nachredner etwas Arbeit abgenommen zu haben.
@ Alex2010
Eine weitere Korrektur ist leider mit einem nicht unerheblichen Mehraufwand verbunden, da du den Text nicht vollständig zitiert hast.
Bitte vermeide eine solche selektive Korrektur in der Zukunft.

Duckduck (Contributor)

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von Duckduck (Contributor) »

Hi Kati,

ich habe ein wenig dasselbe Problem wie Delfino: da sind nun schon zwei Korrekturen drin, ich finde aber immer noch Fehler.

Bevor ich jetzt aber mit noch einer Farbe darin herumfuhrwerke, möchte ich Dir als alte Ente einen Rat geben:

Der Brief ist zu lang und er hat insgesamt "too much information".

Natürlich ist es wichtig, dass sich Deine Familie in den USA ein Bild von Dir machen kann, aber Du gehst viel zu sehr ins Detail (Namen Deiner Freundinnen, Name des Karneval Vereins, Beschreibung des Landstriches, aus dem Du kommst usw.)
Bitte verstehe das nicht falsch, diese Informationen gehören zu Deinem Leben und sind natürlich wichtig.

Aber hinter ihnen verschwinden völlig die Informationen bezüglich Deiner Person, die für Gasteltern, die Dir ihre Kinder und ihr Haus anvertrauen, zunächst wichtig sind.

Also rate ich Dir: kürze und ordne die Infos. Schreibe erst von Dir (hast Du Dein Alter überhaupt erwähnt?, weiß ich jetzt gar nicht), Deine Familie, Deine Erfahrungen mit Kindern, dann erst Deine Hobbies usw.

Dann werde ich gerne den Brief korrigieren.

Grüße
Duckduck

Delfino

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von Delfino »

Alex2010 hat geschrieben:To my prospective host family,

this letter shall help you to gain an insight into my life and thereby enable to decide whether I could be the right Au-Pair for your family.
At first I want to introduce myself.
My name is Katrin and I live with my parents and my sister in a small village called Schweich near Trier.
Trier is the oldest city of Germany and located on the banks of the Moselle River in Rhineland-Palatinate, one of the 16 states of Germany.
The region around the Moselle is noted for its viniculture.
Trier has many sights documenting its Roman past for example the Porta Nigra.

My parents are called Andrea and Bernd and I have a very good relationship with them.
My mother works as a geriatric nurse and my dad works as an event manager at the Arena Trier.
I am also pretty close to my younger sister Alexandra (16).
She still attends school.
We have also got a three years old Parson Russell Terrier called Sid and a fourteen-year-old cat called Timo.

My whole family really supports my wish to go to America.
Knowing that it would be a great opportunity for me to develop my personal and professional skills.
Nevertheless
, I am sure that I would miss my family.

If I should describe my personality I would say I am a very humorous, cheerful, open-minded, honest and warm-hearted person.
I am also patient, reliable, trusty and take schedules seriously by making sure that I am on time.
I learn new things fast and I take constructive criticism seriously.
All in all, I would say I am a responsible person.

I spend a lot of my time with my fiends.
My best friends Paula, Luisa and Helen went to the same school as I did.
We are very alike and have the same type of humour.
So we always have fun together with our other friends.
My friends can be categorised in two groups.
The first group consists of my friends from my home town.
On weekends we often go out together.
The other group consists of my friends from school.
Because we've seen each other nearly every day for the last nine years we also know each other rather well.
I hope, we will keep in touch after our graduation and starting a new period of life.

...

I agree with Duckduck. So I'll stop here ...

ibex

Re: Hilfe bei hostletter!

Beitrag von ibex »

You're right, I'm sorry. :(
I will stop to correct the mistakes I see as long as I can't correct the whole post, for it's causing more trouble than being helpful. I understand, it's really getting confusing and difficult to work on.
Sorry also to Karin, it would have been more easy if I didn't do that. My mistake!

Well, it was a try. :roll: One is always getting wiser... :|
Won't happen again! :D

Nice regards,
Ibex