motivation letter

[chris55]

Es wäre nett wenn ihr den unten stehen Text mal nach Fehlern durchsehen könntet und Verbesserungsvorschläge machen würdet.DaDear Sir or Madam



Dear Sir or Madam

My name is __________, I am twenty-four-year-old student and studying Electrical Engineering at the University of _____ - University of Applied Sciences: ____________ in Germany, in the third semester. Before my studies I completed a vocational training as mechatronics technician but me became aware that I had much more interest in a solid foundation in academic education, therefore I have chosen studying electrical engineering.
I would like to apply for the study abroad program at the RMIT University starting in the summer 2011.
My desire to study in Australia is based on the diversity remarkable landscapes, environment, fabulous climate and the culture of the Australian continent that I hope to explore in the semester break. So, study abroad gives me a perfect opportunity to learn more about that country and its culture. This desire grew even stronger after I gather information about the study abroad program, Melbourne and the state of Victoria.
Furthermore, I will have the chance to come in contact with Australian and international students and learn their way of life ,get valuable insights in their culture, learning about new points-of-view and to exchange my experiences with them. This will provide me the opportunity to improve my English communication skills and increase my cross-cultural competence.
To accomplish such an abroad semester, I choose Melbourne because it's one of the world’s most liveable cities and a melting point of culture, so that I can testing the experience to live in an international environment. In addition, the city of Melbourne is a great starting point to explore the east coast of Australia.
The major reason for me to studying at RMIT University is my intent to study in an international, multicultural environment and reputed university to gain new experience in the field of academic challenges and I think study at the RMIT University will be a unique chance to gain this experience and to broaden my horizons.
Another point is the availability of an extensive range of courses that perfectly suit my academic curriculum.

I think a study abroad semester in Australia is a invaluable opportunities for me to growth.

because of all this, I really hope to get the opportunity do this exchange.


Yours faithfully,

[joy]

Dear Sir or Madam

I would like to apply for the study abroad program at the RMIT University starting in the summer 2011.
(Satz verschoben)
My name is __________, I am a twenty-four-year-old student and studying Electrical Engineering at the University of _____ - University of Applied Sciences: ____________ in Germany, in the third semester. Before my studies I completed a vocational training as a mechatronics technician but I realized that I had much more interest in a solid foundation of academic education, therefore I have chosen to studying electrical engineering.

My desire to study in Australia is based on the diversity of remarkable landscapes, environment, fabulous climate and the culture of the Australian continent that I hope to explore in the semester break. So, study abroad gives me a perfect opportunity to learn more about that country and its culture. This desire grew even stronger after I gathered information about the study abroad program, Melbourne and the state of Victoria.
Furthermore, I will have the chance to come in contact with Australian and international students and learn their way of life. Furthermore, I will get valuable insights in their culture, learning about new points-of-view as well as exchange my experiences with them. This will enable me to improve my English communication skills and increase my cross-cultural competence.
To accomplish such an abroad semester, I choose Melbourne because it's one of the world’s most liveable cities and a melting point of culture, so that I can testing will be able to gain my first experience of living in an international environment. In addition, the city of Melbourne is a great starting point to explore the east coast of Australia.
The major reason for me to studying at RMIT University is my intent to study in an international, multicultural environment and reputed university to gain new experience in the field of academic challenges and I think, study at the RMIT University will be a unique chance to gain this experience and to broaden my horizons.
Another point is the availability of an extensive range of courses that perfectly suits my academic curriculum.

I think a study abroad semester in Australia is an invaluable opportunity for me to growth.

Because of all this, I would be very much appreciate it if I could be a vital part of your program by doing this exchange.


Yours faithfully,


Grüsse
joy

[Alex2010]

Hallo chris55,
Hallo joy,

ich noch schnell hinterher. (Meine Verbesserungen sind pink)

Before my studies course I completed a vocational training as a mechatronics technician but...

Soweit ich das verstanden ist das dein erstes Studium deshalb solltest das Nomen dann auch im Singular stehen. (bitte weise mich darauf hin, wenn ich das nicht der Fall ist)
Um nicht zu oft "study" zu benutzen könntest du auch "course" nehmen. (entspricht einem Hochschulstudium)

To accomplish such a abroad semester semester abroad, I have chosen Melbourne because it's one...

"Present Perfect" würde ich hier nehmen. (semester abroad = Auslandssemester)

I think a study abroad semester semester abroad in Australia is an invaluable opportunity for me to growth...

oder: I think to study a semester abroad in Australia is an....


Toller Text chris55! Alles Gute.

Liebe Grüße,
Alex

[chris55]

Ich hab's seit gestern Abend noch stark überarbeitet und auch noch eure Ratschläge einfließen lassen.
Soll jetzt so in etwa bleiben - wenn noch Fehler drinnen sind bitte sagen

Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the study abroad program at the RMIT University starting in the summer of 2011.
My name is __ and I am a 24 years old and student at the University of Wismar - University of Applied Sciences: Technology, Business and Design, in Germany, in my third semester. I am studying Electrical Engineering. Before I went to University, I completed a vocational training as mechatronics technician but I realised that I had much more interest in a solid foundation of academic education, therefore, I have chosen to study electrical engineering.

My desire to study in Australia is based on the diversity of remarkable landscapes, the environment, the fabulous climate and the culture of the Australian continent that I hope to explore during the semester break. Therefore, study abroad gives me a perfect opportunity to learn more about Australia and its culture. This desire grew even stronger after I gathered information about the study abroad program, Melbourne and the state of Victoria.
Furthermore, I will have the chance to come in contact with Australian and international students. I will learn their way of life, get valuable insights about their culture, see other people's opinions as well as exchange my experiences with them. This will provide me the opportunity to improve my English communication skills and increase my cross-cultural competence.
To accomplish such an important goal, I choose Melbourne because it's one of the world's most liveable cities and a melting pot of culture and also because I can experience living in an international environment. In addition, the city of Melbourne is a great starting point to explore the east coast of Australia.

The major reason for me wanting to study at RMIT University is because I would like to study in an international, multicultural environment to gain new experiences in the field of academic challenges. I think studying at the RMIT University would be the perfect opportunity to gain this experience and to broaden my horizons. Another reason I would like to attend this university is because of the availability of an extensive range of courses and modules that perfectly suit my study plan.
I think a study abroad semester in Australia would be a great opportunity for me to grow and I look forward to being a part of this program.

Yours faithfully

Ist eine handschriftliche Unterschrift in angelsächsischen Ländern üblich?

[chris55]

leider ist ein editieren nicht möglich.
Ich hab aus den letzten Beitrag noch Ideen mit übernommen

Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the study abroad program at the RMIT University starting in the summer of 2011.
My name is ____ and I am a 24 years old and student at the University of Wismar - University of Applied Sciences: Technology, Business and Design, in Germany, in my third semester. I am studying Electrical Engineering. Before I went to university, I completed a vocational training as a mechatronics technician but I realised that I had much more interest in a solid foundation of academic education, therefore, I have chosen to study electrical engineering.

My desire to study in Australia is based on the diversity of remarkable landscapes, the environment, the fabulous climate and the culture of the Australian continent that I hope to explore during the semester break. Therefore, study abroad gives me a perfect opportunity to learn more about Australia and its culture. This desire grew even stronger after I gathered information about the study abroad program, Melbourne and the state of Victoria.
Furthermore, I will have the chance to come in contact with Australian and international students. I will learn their way of life, get valuable insights about their culture, see other people's opinions as well as exchange my experiences with them. This will provide me the opportunity to improve my English communication skills and increase my cross-cultural competence.
To accomplish such an important goal, I have chosen Melbourne because it's one of the world's most liveable cities and a melting pot of culture and also because I can experience living in an international environment. In addition, the city of Melbourne is a great starting point to explore the east coast of Australia.

The major reason for me wanting to study at RMIT University is because I would like to study in an international, multicultural environment to gain new experiences in the field of academic challenges. I think studying at the RMIT University would be the perfect opportunity to gain this experience and to broaden my horizons. Another reason I would like to attend this university because it offers a wide choice of courses and modules that perfectly suit my study plan.
I think to study a semester abroad in Australia would be a great opportunity for me to grow and I look forward to being a part of this program.

Yours faithfully

[caro64]

leider ist ein editieren nicht möglich.
Ich hab aus den letzten Beitrag noch Ideen mit übernommen

Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to apply for the study abroad program at the RMIT University starting in the summer of 2011.
My name is ____ and I am a 24 years old and a student in my third semester in Germany at the University of Wismar (Wismar University) - University of Applied Sciences: Technology, Business and Design, in Germany, in my third semester. I am studying Electrical Engineering. Before I went to university, I completed a vocational training as a mechatronics technician but I realised that I had much more interest in a solid foundation of academic education, therefore, I have chosen to study electrical engineering.

My desire to study in Australia is based on the diversity of remarkable landscapes, the environment, the fabulous climate and the culture of the Australian continent that I hope to explore during the semester break. Therefore, study abroad gives me a perfect opportunity to learn more about Australia and its culture. This desire grew even stronger after I gathered information about the study abroad program, Melbourne and the state of Victoria.
Furthermore, I will have the chance to come in contact with (meet and get to know the) Australian and international students. I will learn their ways of life, get valuable insights about their culture, see hear other people's opinions as well as exchange my experiences with them. This will provide me with the opportunity to improve my English communication skills and increase my cross-cultural competence.
To accomplish such an important goal, I have chosen Melbourne because it's one of the world's most liveable cities and a (melting pot of culture) ? I havn't heard of that before and also because I can experience living in an international environment. In addition, the city of Melbourne is a great starting point to explore the east coast of Australia.

The major reason for me wanting to study at RMIT University is because I would like to study in an international, multicultural environment to gain new experiences in the field of academic challenges. I think studying at the RMIT University would be the perfect opportunity to gain this experience and to broaden my horizons. Another reason why I would like to attend this university is because it offers a wide choice of courses and modules that perfectly suit my study plan.
I think to study a semester abroad in Australia would be a great opportunity for me to grow ( are you a midget? Sorry, I know what you mean but it doesn't really sound right. You have already mentioned the broadening of your horizons, so I would just leave this out) and I'm looking forward to being a part of this program. I shall be looking very much forward to become a part of this program

Yours faithfully

[caro64]

Silly me
I shall be very much looking forward to becomeing part of this program

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hallo allesamt,

da haben ja jetzt großartige Korrekturen stattgefunden. Beim Überfliegen ist mir aber noch aufgefallen, dass einige Kurzformen vorkommen.
Die sollten in einem formellen Schreiben nie verwendet werden. Eben nochmal daraufhin durchsehen, ja chris?!

Grüße
Duckduck

[chris55]

ich hab zwei solche Fehler gefunden, aber ich schau morgen etwas frischer noch 'mal drauf

I'm looking
because it's one of the

danke für die vielen ratschläge