Writing Assignment

[Alex2010]

I would be very grateful if someone would correct my mistakes in the following text:

Writing Assignment 1.1.

Think of a place from your childhood that you remember well. Describe the place in as much detail as possible and explain its signifiance to you either then and now.

("Academic Writing - Exploring Processes and Strategies" by Ilona Leki - second edition [page6])

I want to describe my home to you.
I grew up in a large house with two floors. The colour of the house is white with thin red strips around the windows. Its socket is grey. In front of the house is a small garden with a lots of flowers.
The house seems to be very new in comparison to our neighbourhood because of its new entraceway we made in 2008.

As I was a child I had a room of my own on the ground floor. I really appreciated and appreciate this possibility then and now. I, of course, know quite
a lot of teenagers have to share their room with their siblings.

My room was next to my sister's. During that time, we let the second floor on a lease to a young family from France. I really liked them. The had a cat named Susi and I enjoyed playing with her.

Our house has got a large garden with several different trees e.g. a cherry tree, an apple tree and a pear tree.
Currently, our cherry tree has got many cherries and that is really surprising because the earnings was frustrating the last two years. Last weekend I climbed on the tree and was able to pick off a good deal of them.

I cannot imagine to live in a flat and I am very thankful for all these capabilities during my childhood.

As I was fourteen years old, I moved on the second floor because our leaseholder moved back to France.
Presently I enjoy the last months at home because I am going to move out in October this year. On the other hand I am really curious about future.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

I would be very grateful if someone corrected my mistakes in the following text:
(Aufpassen auf die Zeitenkombination im if-Satz, "would" steht nie im if-Teil!!!)

Writing Assignment 1.1.

Think of a place from your childhood that you remember well. Describe the place in as much detail as possible and explain its signifiance to you either then and now.

("Academic Writing - Exploring Processes and Strategies" by Ilona Leki - second edition [page6])

I want to describe my home to you.
I grew up in a large house with two floors. The colour of the house is white with thin red strips around the windows. Its base is grey. In front of the house there is a small garden with a lots of flowers.
Our house seems to be very new in comparison to those in the neighbourhood because of its new entranceway we built in 2008.

When I was a child, I had a room of my own on the ground floor. I really appreciated this then and still appreciate it now. I know, of course, that quite a lot of teenagers have to share their rooms with their siblings.

My room was next to my sister's. During that time, my parents let the second floor on a lease to a young family from France. I really liked them. They had a cat named Susi and I enjoyed playing with her.

Our house has got a large garden with several different trees e.g. a cherry tree, an apple tree and a pear tree.
Currently, our cherry tree bears a lot of fruit. And since the yield of the last two years was disappointing, this is really surprising. Last weekend I climbed on the tree and picked quite a lot of them.

I cannot imagine to live in a flat and I am very thankful for all the opportunities I had during my childhood.

When I was fourteen years old, I moved to the second floor because our tenants moved back to France.

Presently, I enjoy the last months at home, because I am going to move out in October this year. On the other hand, I am really curious about future. Wenn Du "on the other hand" verwenden willst, solltest Du auch davor ein "on the one hand" haben.

So Alex, hier sind meine Korrekturen.
Darf ich noch sagen, dass der Text ganz schön ist, aber meiner Meinung nach nicht das Thema trifft. Du hast keineswegs einen Gegenstand, Ort odgl. in allen Details beschrieben, sondern mehr allgemein Dein Elternhaus. Das ist an sich OK, aber eben in der Aufgabe nicht verlangt. Vielleicht versuchst Du nochmal einen anderen Ort, vielleicht nur Dein Jugendzimmer. Dann aber eben genau: wie ist es aufgebaut, wieviele Fenster, wo, wie groß, welche Möbel, Farbe an den Wänden usw. Oder was ganz anderes, ja?

Grüße
Duckduck

[joy]

Da fehlt noch das "the".
On the other hand, I am really curious about the future.

Hi Alex

Wie Duckduck, bin ich auch der Meinung dass dein Thema zu generell ist, und dass dein Zimmer zu beschreiben eine Möglichkeit wäre. Sonst könntest du auch von einem anderen Ort, der dich ganz besonders beeindruckt hat, erzählen. Ein Ausflugsort, Ferienort, Museum, ein Vergnügungspark oder was auch immer.

Viel Spass
joy

[Alex2010]

Hallo Duckduck & Joy,

vielen Dank, dass Ihr Euch mit meinem Text auseinandergesetzt habt. Auch ich hatte schon vor meinem Eintrag das Gefühl, dass der Text nicht ganz der Aufgabenstellung entspricht und hatte aus diesem Grund auch die Aufgabenstellung beigefügt. Ich werde ihn auf jeden Fall nochmal überarbeiten. Danke für Eure Korrekturen!

Liebe Grüße