zweiter teil meines textes für ein Referat, bitte korrigiere

[schadzzz-bella]

In the next day´s I heard that the family talked about my. And Mr Winburn heard me crying in the night. I was so alone and sad. And a little bit jealous because Geoffrey had a great family which I had never. Sometimes I wished that the family would pull away. One day I went into the room of Geoffrey and then he saw me. He would play with me but I can´t play with him. He is a little boy and I’m a ghost. But he don´t know that. He would console me because I looked so sad and lonely. But he don´t know how he can make me happy because his grandpa told him that he must do it on himself. But I know that he never can make me happy. I would have a great family too. Mrs Lancaster told Mrs Winburn that Geoffrey had a blind understanding and all children posses this. If I was a little boy a had that blind understanding too. A month later Geoffrey felt very ill. The east wind had been severe and he was not a strong child. That was the first time that Mrs Lancaster became aware of me. At first the sobs were an indistinguishable part of the wind but gradually they became more distinct, more unmistakeable. Finally she heard them in moments of dead calm: my child´s sobs- dull hopeless heartbroken. At that time Geoffrey lay very still, hardly breathing sunk in oblivion. But he would still help me. Then Mrs Lancaster heard me laughing, joyful, contented, triumphant and silvery laughter echoed through the room. I don´t know why but I was happy. I was not the only one who felt very bad.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hi schadzzz-bella,

dann hat sich die Verwirrung ja aufgeklärt. Aber bevor wir hier Deinen zweiten Teil korrigieren, möchte ich vorschlagen, dass Du selbst ihn nochmal aufmerksam durchliest und verbesserst! Sieh es als kleine Eigenleistung.

Beachte dabei bitte folgende Hinweise:

1. Plural wird in der Regel durch Anhängen von "s" gebildet, dabei kein '
2. "wollen, möchten" = want (to), (to, wenn ein Verb folgt -> "would" = würde
3. Springe nicht zwischen den Zeiten hin und her
4. "if" = "falls, für den Fall", "when" = "als"
5. einige der Sätze sind wahrscheinlich aus der Vorlage abgeschrieben, oder? Man merkt einen deutlichen Unterschied zu denen, die von Dir formuliert sind. Das wirkt nicht gut.

Schau nach und dann korrigieren wir, ja?!
Grüße
Duckduck

[schadzzz-bella]

In the next day´s I heard that the family talked about my. And Mr Winburn heard me crying in the night. I was so alone and sad. And a little bit jealous because Geoffrey had a great family which I had never. Sometimes I wished that the family would pull away. One day I went into the room of Geoffrey and then he saw me. He wanted to play with me but I can´t play with him. He is a little boy and I’m a ghost. But he don´t know that. He wanted console me because I looked so sad and lonely. But he don´t know how he can made me happy because his grandpa told him that he must do it on himself. But I know that he never can make me happy. I would have a great family too. Mrs Lancaster told Mrs Winburn that Geoffrey had a blind understanding and all children posses this. If I was a little boy a had that blind understanding too. A month later Geoffrey felt very ill. The east wind had been severe and he was not a strong child. That was the first time that Mrs Lancaster became aware of me. At first the sobs were an indistinguishable part of the wind but gradually they became more distinct, more unmistakeable. Finally she heard them in moments of dead calm: my child´s sobs- dull hopeless heartbroken. At that time Geoffrey lay very still, hardly breathing sunk in oblivion. But he would still help me. Then Mrs Lancaster heard me laughing, joyful, contented, triumphant and silvery laughter echoed through the room. I don´t know why but I was happy. I was not the only one who felt very bad.

ich habe leider keine ahnung was da sonst noch falsch sein könnte wre toll wen mit den text jetzt irgendwer korrigieren würde

[caro64]

This is how I would write it.
During the next few days I heard the family talking about me.Mr Winburn had heard me crying in the night.I was so alone and sad, a little jealous too, because Geoffrey had a great family, which I never had.Sometimes I wish that the family would move away.One day I went into Geoffrey's room and he saw me.I wanted to play with him but that's not possible because he is a little boy and I'm a ghost.He doesn't know I'm a ghost,he wanted to comfort me because I looked so sad and lonely but he didn't know how to.His grandpa told him to do 'it' alone (verstehe ich nicht ganz) His grandpa told him he has to manage this alone.I just know though, that he could never make me happy.

I got to here, read the rest and decided I didn't like the story . Is it from you?

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

No Caro, I just checked,
it's by Agatha Christie and it's called "The Lamp". Not a bad story, by the way, when you read it in the original... This text here seems to be a somewhat clumsy retelling from the ghost's point of view.
Sorry, schadzzz-bella, but read the text again and try to find some of the remaining mistakes yourself. You're more than welcome to post it again after that.

Cheers,
Duckduck