Korrektur: Letter of Motivation

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halligalli

Korrektur: Letter of Motivation

Beitrag von halligalli »

Hallo Leute,

es wäre nett wenn jemand mal mein Motivationsschreiben Korrektur lesen könnte :)

Bin für jeden Hinweis dankbar!

Dear Mr. X,

Currently, I am studying Kulturwirt Bachelor of Arts focusing on Anglophone Studies and Economics in my fourth semester at the University of Duisburg-Essen. My desire to compete for one of your announced partial scholarships at the Fort Hays State University reflects my personal affiliation to the culture, society and literature of the United States, which initially occurred during an educational stay in Wapakoneta (Ohio) in 2004. Since I have heard of the opportunity to spend a semester abroad I immediately thought of applying for it, seeing this as a great opportunity to strengthen my present knowledge and to develop myself further.

After graduating from school in 2007 I was looking for a suitable course of studies to enhance my interest in foreign languages. Providing all facets of foreign language and culture opting for Kulturwirt was definitively the right decision. Studying Kulturwirt has already equipped me with a lot of basic knowledge in the range of English linguistics, literature and culture, and intercultural understanding.
Being a Kulturwirt student already implies the need to mingle with foreign people and to experience their alien culture. A stay in the city of Hays would be the perfect opportunity for me to add practical experience to my already gained theoretical knowledge. I am aware of the fact that living in an unfamiliar place is a great challenge. Nevertheless I feel well prepared for studying abroad knowing that coping with challenges will contribute my personal development.

The FHSU and the city of Hays itself are very appealing for me. In contrast to Essen Hays is a comparatively small college town, which is also the cultural center of the region. Discovering the unique features of this cultural center and learning about the similarities as well as the differences between American and German culture are two central benefits that a semester abroad should involve. Furthermore the significant impact of German ethnic heritage on the region attracts me due to my interest in history (which you can also gather from the grades of my A-levels).

Since the FHSU is not only known for its academic excellence, but its emphasis on openness – according to the creed “Forward thinking. World ready – for exchange students, I am convinced that studying at the FHSU provides my future career. This university offers various academic programs which can be well incorporated into my current studies. The Communication Studies B.A., for example, would fit to amend and expand the contents of the Kulturwirt B.A.. Especially the degree program that focuses on human communication behaviors in the area of advertising has caught my eye.

I am conscious of the fact that the spring term at the FHSU does not match perfectly with the German timetable for the winter and summer semester. However, I do not mind being required to write more exams then usually in the following semester if I am allowed to go abroad to make new experiences.
I hope you will give me the opportunity to show my very best performance at a Scandinavian university. I am therefore looking forward to your response.


Sincerely


Vielen Dank!

Delfino

Re: Korrektur: Letter of Motivation

Beitrag von Delfino »

halligalli hat geschrieben:Dear Mr. X,

Currently, I am studying Kulturwirt Bachelor of Arts focusing on Anglophone Studies and Economics in my fourth semester at the University of Duisburg-Essen.
My desire to compete for one of your announced partial scholarships at the Fort Hays State University reflects my personal affiliation to the culture, society and literature of the United States, which initially occurred during an educational stay in Wapakoneta, Ohio in 2004.
When I had heard of the opportunity to spend a semester abroad I immediately decided to apply for it.
I see this as a great opportunity to strengthen my present knowledge and to develop myself further.

After graduating from school in 2007 I found a suitable course of studies to satisfy my interest / to enhance my skills in foreign languages.
Opting for Kulturwirt was definitively the right decision as it provides many facets of foreign languages and culture.
My studies have already equipped me with a lot of basic knowledge in the range of English linguistics, literature and culture, and intercultural understanding.
Being a Kulturwirt student already implies the need to mingle with foreign people and to experience their alien culture. Also hast bisher nicht die Möglichkeit gehabt "to mingle"?
A stay in the city of Hays would be the perfect opportunity for me to add practical experience to my already gained theoretical knowledge.
I am aware of the fact that living in an unfamiliar place is a great challenge.
Nevertheless, I feel well prepared for studying abroad knowing that coping with challenges will contribute my personal development.

The FHSU and the city of Hays itself are very appealing to me.
Although, it is a comparatively small college town compared to Essen.
Hays is the cultural centre of the region.

Discovering the unique cultural features of this area and learning about the similarities as well as the differences between American and German culture are two central benefits that a semester abroad should involve.
Furthermore, the significant impact of German ethnic heritage on the region attracts me due to my great interest in history which is reflected in the good grade in my A-levels.

Since the FHSU is not only known for its academic excellence, but its emphasis on openness – according to it's creed “Forward thinking. Wo endet der Slogan?
World ready – for exchange students, I am convinced that studying at the FHSU will help me to be prepared for my future career.
Hast du dein Karriereziel definiert, dann sollte die Auswahl aus dem Angebot nicht zu schwer fallen. Die folgenden Zeilen zeigen Unsicherheit.
This university offers various academic programs which can be well incorporated into my current studies.
The Communication Studies B.A., for example, would fit to amend and expand the contents of the Kulturwirt B.A..
Especially the degree program that focuses on human communication behaviors in the area of advertising has caught my eye.

I am conscious of the fact that the spring term at the FHSU does not match perfectly with the German timetable for the winter and summer semester.
However, I do not mind being required to write more exams than usual in the following semester if I am allowed to go abroad to gain international experience.
I hope you will give me the opportunity to show my very best performance at your university. oder an wen ist es adressiert?
Therefore I am looking forward to your response.


Sincerely
Fort Hays State University is not a Scandinavian university - the uni is located in Kansas, USA
Kulturwirt (the name of your degree?) it is not an English term - so you shouldn't expect that everybody knows the meaning of it

grades of my A-levels - or did you had more than one history course?

first of all - competing applying for a scholarship reflects your need for financial support

Your choice of the academic major for your undergraduate studies and other activities might
"reflect your personal affiliation to the culture, society and literature of the United States".

replace your very long 2nd sentence with shorter sentences

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