Wer kann mir das korrigieren ??

[Märzmelodie]

Ich musste eine Geschichte in Englisch schreiben. Ich bin mir aber bei ein paar Sätzen bei der Satzstellung nicht sicher. Außerdem könnten auch Fehler dabei sein. Es wäre sehr nett ob das jemand kurz durchlesen könnte und mir das mitteilen könnte.

Für Formulierungsvorschläge bin ich jederzeit offen! Nur der erste Satz muss so bleiben, denn meine Geschichte muss mit dem Satz anfangen. Außerdem gab es noch so ein Bild das uns inspirieren sollte ( da war ein Bild mit diesem Motel und mit viele Bergen dahinter).

When we left the Mile 0-Motel early in the morning and set out for the wilderness that stretched right beyond Lilloet, we had no idea that our lives would never be the same again. My friends and me wanted to spend our vacations in the mountains. We were in the mood for a climbing-tour. We just wanted to left the university behind and the stressful daily routine. The fresh air in the mountains and the silence gave us the opportunity to recover. It was indeed a different thing than the life on the campus. On this morning we decided to go through the forest and than go climbing. So we began to tramp. After a while we reached a cottage, which was a kind of tavern. There we broke our tramp for a meal. When we continued our walk, suddenly we came across a big grizzly bear. He was large and looked dangerous. We were totally shocked so we didn’t move. He persisted in a seated position for quite a while. Meanwhile we did the same as him. A little later the bear decided to leave us alone and walked away. We felt relieved but he didn’t stop us to continue our course. When we arrived the climbing wall we noticed a convulsion. There was another cottage very close to the climbing wall and we went there to seek for protection. The host told us that earthquakes are in this region frequently. That means that if we had arrived the mountain a little earlier, the convulsion would have been dangerous for us and we could be injured or maybe dead. The bear saved us.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Ich musste eine Geschichte in Englisch schreiben. Ich bin mir aber bei ein paar Sätzen bei der Satzstellung nicht sicher. Außerdem könnten auch Fehler dabei sein. Es wäre sehr nett, wenn jemand sie kurz durchlesen könnte und mir das mitteilen könnte.

Für Formulierungsvorschläge bin ich jederzeit offen! Nur der erste Satz muss so bleiben, denn meine Geschichte muss mit dem Satz anfangen. Außerdem gab es noch so ein Bild, das uns inspirieren sollte (da war ein Bild mit diesem Motel und mit vielen Bergen dahinter).

Hi und willkommen!

When we left the Mile 0-Motel early in the morning and set out for the wilderness that stretched right beyond Lilloet, we had no idea that our lives would never be the same again.
My friends and I wanted to spend our vacations in the mountains. We were in the mood for a climbing-tour. We just wanted to leave the university and its stressful daily routine behind. The fresh mountain air and the silence would give us the opportunity to relax and recover. It was indeed far different from the life on the campus.
On this morning we had decided to hike through the forest and than go climbing. So we began to tramp. After a while we reached a little cottage, a kind of inn. We decided to have a break and eat something. When we finally continued our tour, we suddenly came across a big grizzly bear. It was huge and looked really dangerous. We were totally shocked and didn’t dare move. It kept sitting there, just looking at us occasionally, for quite a while. And we did just the same. And then suddenly the bear decided to leave us alone and walked away. We took a little time to recover but the incident didn’t make us change our plan. When we had just arrived at the climbing wall there suddenly was a convulsion. We almost panicked and ran for shelter to a little cottage that luckily stood not far away. The host told us that earthquakes were quite frequent in that region.
After a while we realized that if we had arrived a little earlier and started climbing, the convulsion would have been dangerous for us and we could have been seriously injured or even dead. So the bear might well have saved our lives.

Hallo, schöne Geschichte...und wirklich nicht viele Fehler drin. Prima!
So sind die meisten Anmerkungen auch stilistischer Natur. Vor allem da, wo es um Angst und Schrecken geht, muss man bei so einer Geschichte auch passende Worte verwenden, sonst ist sie langweilig. Überprüfe noch einmal, ob ihr die Kurzform ("didn't" usw. verwenden dürft). Gut gemacht,
ich wünsche Dir frohe Ostern

Duckduck

[Märzmelodie]

Wow, vielen Dank für die schnelle Verbesserung !
Ich wünsche dir auch frohe Ostern