Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Sätze und kurze Texte, die korrigiert wurden
Kate2

Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Beitrag von Kate2 »

Hallo, klasse, dass es solch ein Forum gibt!!! :D
Ich muss bald ein Referat halten und möchte natürlich möglichst richtiges Englisch reden... Würde mich wirklich freuen, wenn jemand sich das einmal durchlesen könnte und korrigieren könnte bzw. Vorschläge machen könnte :)

• In the last weeks Mary and I dealed with a lot of information about the religion of Sikhs
• And today in the next 20-25 minutes we want to tell you a little more about Sikhism
• Well, I think we can start, please don´t wonder if our presentation won´t be that normal as you expect
• Ok, first of all you can see our index of contents
• So today we want to make a little journey with you
• First we will hit the road to India, where we will see Punjab, Sikhs and their lifestyle as well as a Gurdwara
• Thereby we will learn something more about their religion

1. origins of Sikhism / distribution:
• well, now we can start our journey
• and our journey begins in Germany and we travel to Punjab, a city in the North of India
• Punjab is the region of the origin of Sikhism and today still 80 per cent of Sikhs live in Punjab and New Delhi
• Worldwide there are about 20 million Sikhs
• To get a better impression of the region we will continue our journey and show you a little bit of the city and lifestyle
• We begin in the past in 15th century
• In the 15th century the Sikh religion developed
• Founder was Guru Nanak, who was born in 1469
• When we visited him, he was lying on his bed and he was talking to his students, who should press ahead his worldview and religious conviction after his death


• We appreciate Guru Nanak as a very thoughtful person, who have already busied himself with questions of life when he was a child

• In school he had great marks and he distanced himself from other students and people
• He put the society´s hierarchy, especially the caste system and other religious practices into question
• Now we will come to some facts about Sikh´s religion and believes
• The Sikh religion is a very friendly and caring religion
• Sikhs dislike the caste system which one knows from Indian society
• Furthermore they dislike every hierarchy made of religion, family background or gender
• They also abandon themselves from superstition
• Additionally, I think a very good point is, that they support women´s equality in society and religious equality
• The main point Sikhs make is that the form of religion is less important
• More important is that everyone believe in God
• In the end he has created a new religion, about which we will talk later
• Well, now we will leave Punjab in the 15th century and we will travel to Punjab today
• On the way to 21st century we met the nine other Gurus, which succeeded Guru Nanak or rather one Guru succeeded the other after his death

• Show video Punjab Reise
• Travelling through Punjab we can get many different impressions about the region
• So often we can see people working hard on their farms, many transports of materials, huge crowds, many mokes, bicycles
• And especially you can see many Sikhs, maybe we can stop the journey for a moment to show you a religious practise
• Here we can see a typical Sikh, typical for Sikhs is the wearing of a turban
• The turban is one of the five K´s which are five items of faith that baptised Khalsa Sikhs wear at all times command of the tenth Sikh Guru, who has ordered it
• Here we can see the five K´s
• (Sikhs who don all the Five K´s are known as Amritdhari – the others who haven´t donned all the five K´s are known as Shajdhari)


Das wäre der Text... ist irgendwie doch ganz schön lang geworden... ich wäre bereits über ein paar Korrekturen glücklich :)
Danke
Grüße von Kate2

Duckduck (Contributor)

Re: Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Beitrag von Duckduck (Contributor) »

Kate2 hat geschrieben:Hallo, klasse, dass es solch ein Forum gibt!!! :D
Ich muss bald ein Referat halten und möchte natürlich möglichst richtiges Englisch reden... Würde mich wirklich freuen, wenn jemand sich das einmal durchlesen könnte und korrigieren könnte bzw. Vorschläge machen könnte :)

Hallo Kate2 und willkommen im Forum! :) Das machen wir doch gerne!

During the last weeks Mary and I dealt with (Aussprache "dält", unregelmäßiges Verb, oder gathered...) a lot of information about the religion of the Sikhs
• And today, during the next 20-25 minutes, we want to tell you a little about our findings
• Well, I think we can start, please don't be too surprised if our presentation differs from what you would expect
• Ok, first of all, here you can see our index (oder: table) of contents
• So today we want to take you on a little journey
We shall hit the road to India, where we will visit the Punjab region, meet some Sikhs and learn about their lifestyle as well as a Gurdwara
This will teach us something about their religion as well

1. Origins of Sikhism / distribution:
• well, now we can start our journey
it begins in Germany and we travel to Punjab, a city in the north of India
• Punjab is the region where Sikhism originated and even today 80 per cent of the Sikhs live in Punjab and New Delhi
• today there are about 20 million Sikhs worldwide
• To get a better impression of the region we will continue our journey and show you a little bit of the city and lifestyle
But for this we will jump into the past, to the 15th century
• In the 15th century the Sikh religion developed
• Founder was Guru Nanak, who was born in 1469
• When we visited him, he was lying on his bed, talking to his students, who were to press ahead (oder spread, distribute) his worldview and religious conviction after his death


• We appreciate Guru Nanak as a very thoughtful person, who even as a child busied himself with questions of life

He had great marks in school, but he kept his distance from other students and people
• He called the society's hierarchy, especially the caste system and other religious practices into question
• Now we will proceed to some facts about the Sikh's religion and beliefs
• The Sikh religion is a very friendly and caring religion
• Sikhs reject the caste system we find in Indian society
• Furthermore, they dislike any kind of hierarchy based on religion, family background or gender
• They also turn away from superstition
• Additionally, they support women's equality in society and religious equality, a fact, I personally appreciate very much
• The main point Sikhs make is that the form of religion is less important
• More important is that everyone believe in God
Guru Nanak's convictions were to found a new religion, about which we will talk later
• Well, now we will leave the 15th century and travel to Punjab of today
• On the way to the 21st century we met the nine other Gurus, who succeeded Guru Nanak or rather one Guru succeeded the other after his death

• Show video Punjab journey
• Travelling through the Punjab we can get many different impressions about the region
We see people working hard on their farms, many transports of materials, huge crowds, many donkeys, bicycles
• And of course we see a lot of Sikhs, maybe we could stop the journey for a moment to show you a religious practice
• Here we can see a Sikh, wearing the typical turban
• The turban is one of the five K's. These are five items of faith that baptised Khalsa Sikhs wear at all times, following the command of the tenth Sikh Guru
• Here we can see the five K's
• (Sikhs who don all the five K's are known as Amritdhari – the others are known as Shajdhari)


Das wäre der Text... ist irgendwie doch ganz schön lang geworden... ich wäre bereits über ein paar Korrekturen glücklich :)
Danke
Grüße von Kate2
Toller, sehr informativer Text. Und mir gefällt auch sehr die lockere Art Deiner Präsentation. Die meisten meiner Vorschläge sind denn auch stilistischer Natur, etwas englischer, aber nicht, weil Deine Vorschläge nun alle falsch gewesen wären. Suche Dir raus, was Dir gefällt. Vielleicht gibst Du noch einen kurzen Hinweis, dass Sikh Schüler heißt und inwieweit sich diese Religion von den anderen Religionen der Region (Hindusmus, Islam) unterscheidet? Vielleicht kommt das ja noch im zweiten Teil. Und auch, wenn das nur Dein Notizzettel ist, vielleicht entscheidest Du Dich, ob Du die Zeilenanfänge groß oder klein schreiben willst, nur der Ordnung halber... :mrgreen:

Prima gemacht!

Good luck says
Duckduck

Kate2

Re: Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Beitrag von Kate2 »

Hallo Duckduck,
ich weiß ehrlich gesagt gar nicht, wie ich dir danken kann! Wirklich, vielen lieben Dank für deine Mühe und für deine Korrekturvorschläge :). Ich habe meinen Text sofort überarbeitet... und auch deine Ideen bezüglich des Referates, was ich noch erwähnen könnte sind echt gut! Da werde ich mich gleich morgen ran machen, denn diese Sachen waren tatsächlich noch nicht im Referat enthalten. :D
Vielen DANK !!! :D Einfach spitze :)

....Das Referat hat noch einen zweiten Teil, allerdings wollte ich das Forum hier nicht überlasten mit meinem Text;), weshalb ich den zweiten Teil zunächst weggelassen habe... Aber wenn es noch jemanden gibt, der sich noch den zweiten Teil angucken könnte, wäre das genial !!! Ich stelle ihn einfach mal mit hier herein ...

Viele liebe Grüße von der Kate2
:D




• well, before we will travel to England and have a look on Sikhs living there we will make a last visit and travel to the Gurdwara Harmandir Sahib in Amritsar in Punjab
• you can see in Amritsar it´s a golden temple, but it´s the only one which is made up of gold leaf (Blattgold)
• The word Gurdwara means “the doorway to the guru” and is a place of worship for Sikhs
• Furthermore it is also a place where weary travellers and pilgrims may rest and eat
• At our journey we visited the Gurdwara in Punjab and we were also allowed to go inside
• So you have to know that people of all religious backgrounds or of no religious faith are welcomed into a Sikh Gurdwara
• So we were allowed to go in

• However before we were allowed to go inside the Gurdwara we had to remove our shoes, we had to wash our hands and had to cover our heads with a rumal
• Additionally there were some rules we had to follow, so we weren´t allowed to inebriat or possess alcohol, any sources of meat, cigarettes or any intoxicating substances
• Well, we abided by the rules and were allowed to go to the golden temple and its palace construction around it
• Here you can see the white buildings and highly visible is the golden temple
• There are entrances to the temple on all four sides
• This should symbolize the importance of acceptance and openness
• So it means that everybody regardless of which caste or religion he or she is, is welcome

• When we arrived it was already late in the evening, but that wasn´t a problem, because the temple is open 24 hours a day
• The first Sikhs we met were two guards who guard the temple
• I don´t know how long they sit there but it was a very long time
• Our next steps lead us to the covered pavement and what we saw there you can see
• There were many people, Sikhs and other pilgrims who slept there in the night
• So in the temple it is allowed to sleep, but only three nights at most
• Then in the next morning, maybe it was 4 or 5 we saw first Sikhs praying and other Sikhs having a bath in the holy water around the temple

• But back to the inner of temple
• In the inner of the temple there are different rooms
• The most important room or better the main hall is called Darbar Sahib
• This is the hall where the holy text, the Guru Granth Sahib is placed on a throne in a central position of the hall
• The whole day worships take place, verses are read out loud of the holy book and in the whole temple arrangement melodies and music can be heard
• All people who go there have to sit on the floor, cross-legged, you can see it here
• The reason for this is that their feet aren´t allowed to point towards the Gurur Granth Sahib
• Guru Granth Sahib is the living Guru and should be treated with respect
• Furthermore sitting cross-legged is an act of equality
• So nobody is sitting higher on a chair, everybody is equal and sit on the floor
• As you can see woman and children and men sit on opposite side of the diwan hall
• This is so nobody is distracted
• In the temple Sikhs and other people have also the chance to get something to eat for free
• For eating there is a further room in the temple and you can see here are sitting many people eating some food
• Ok, I think that was enough and now we will leave this nice view of the temple in Amritsar and we will travel to England

Duckduck (Contributor)

Re: Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Beitrag von Duckduck (Contributor) »

Kate2 hat geschrieben: ....Das Referat hat noch einen zweiten Teil, allerdings wollte ich das Forum hier nicht überlasten mit meinem Text;), weshalb ich den zweiten Teil zunächst weggelassen habe... Aber wenn es noch jemanden gibt, der sich noch den zweiten Teil angucken könnte, wäre das genial !!! Ich stelle ihn einfach mal mit hier herein ...

Viele liebe Grüße von der Kate2
:D


• well, before leaving for England and taking a look at the Sikhs who live there, let's pay a last visit in Punjab and travel to the Gurdwara Harmandir Sahib in Amritsar. "Gurdwara" means "doorway to the guru" and is a place of worship for the Sikhs
• Furthermore it is also a place where weary travellers and pilgrims may rest and eat
As you can see, in Amritsar the Gurdwara is a golden temple, by the way, the only one covered with gold leaf
We visited the Gurdwara in Punjab on our journey and we were also allowed to go inside
It's interesting to learn that people of all religious backgrounds or of no religious faith at all, are welcomed into a Sikh Gurdwara
Before we were allowed to go inside the Gurdwara, however, we had to take off our shoes, wash our hands and cover our heads with a rumal, which is a kind of scarf
And there were some other rules we had to follow: so you aren't allowed to go inside while being inebriated. Neither are you to have alcohol or any other intoxicating substances, meat or cigarettes on our person
• Well, we abided by the rules and were allowed to go to the golden temple and the palace construction around it
• Here you can see the white buildings and the predominant golden temple
• There are entrances to the temple on all four sides
They symbolize the importance of acceptance and openness
• So it means that everybody - regardless of which caste or religion they are - is welcome

• When we arrived it was already late in the evening, but that wasn't a problem, because the temple is open 24 hours a day
• The first Sikhs we met were two guards who guarded the temple
• I don't know for how long they had to sit there but it was a very long time
• Our next steps led us to the covered pavement (was meinst Du hiermit?) and here is what we found there
• There were many people, Sikhs and other pilgrims, who slept there in the night
• So people are permitted to sleep in the temple, but for three nights at most
• Then, on the next morning, maybe it was 4 or 5, we saw first some Sikhs praying and others having a bath in the holy water around the temple

• But back to the inner of temple
Inside there are different rooms
• The most important room, or better the main hall, is called Darbar Sahib
• This is where the holy text, the Guru Granth Sahib, is placed on a throne in a central positionof the hall
There are continuous worships, verses are read out of the holy book, and melodies and music can be heard in the whole temple complex
• All people who go there have to sit on the floor, cross-legged, as you can see here
• The reason for this is that their feet aren't allowed to point towards the Gurur Granth Sahib
• Guru Granth Sahib is the living Guru and must be treated with respect
• Furthermore, sitting cross-legged is an act of equality
• So nobody is sitting in an elevated position, everybody is equal and sits on the floor
• As you can see, women and children and men sit on opposite sides of the diwan hall (the prayer hall)
• This is to make sure that nobody is distracted
Both Sikhs and other people can get something to eat for free in the temple
• there is a special room for eating in the temple and you can see many people eating some food here
• Ok, I think that was enough and now we will leave this nice view of the temple in Amritsar and travel on to England
Nochmal: Hochachtung! Schöner Text. Und habe ich das jetzt richtig verstanden, dass Ihr eine Reise gemacht habt und jetzt sozusagen Bilder zeigt und kommentiert? Wenn dem nicht so sein sollte, müsste man noch mal wegen der Zeitformen nachschauen. Weil wir ja zwischen Present Tense und Past Tense wechseln, nicht?

Prima!

Grüße
Duckduck

Delfino

Re: Bitte um Korrektur, Referat

Beitrag von Delfino »

• Furthermore, it is also a place where weary travellers and pilgrims may rest and eat.
Sehr gute Vorbereitung auf dein Referat. :)

Hier nur noch ein kleiner Hinweis:

Soll der Vortrag oder die Präsentation des Referats anhand von Stichpunkten erfolgen?

Der Beginn mit einem Symbol und das Weglassen des Punktes am Ende einer Zeile
macht aus den größtenteils ausformulierten Sätzen keine Stichpunkte.

Vor allem das Einfügen solcher "Stichpunkte" in Powerpoint-Folien ist nicht empfehlenswert.
Eher für dich in den Bereich der "Speaker Notes" zum Ausdruck mit den Folien... ;)


Presentation Vocabulary
http://www.learn-english-today.com/busi ... hrases.htm

Useful Phrases for Presentations
http://www.scribd.com/doc/7672859/Usefu ... entations-

5 Phrases You Never Want To Hear In A Presentation
http://www.instigatorblog.com/5-phrases ... 007/03/06/

10 Tips for More Effective PowerPoint Presentations
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/techno ... tions.html

Making PowerPoint Slides - Avoiding the Pitfalls of Bad Slides
http://www.iasted.org/conferences/forma ... s-Tips.ppt

Do It Yourself PowerPoint Presentations
[url]http://www.fresh-interactive.co.uk/powerpoint/powerpoint-tips.htm[/url]