Ist dieser aufsatz von thesis sentence topic sentence usw gut gemacht ?
Is in this essay the thesis sentence and topic sentece right and good?
Slavery, one of the most horrible experiences for blacks in the U.S. they were tortured and beaten. They had to do anything that their owner told them. Soon a man named Abraham Lincoln came to their rescue and freed the slaves. Soon after Blacks gained independence they were allowed to use public bathrooms, and most important their right to vote. Now the blacks do not have anything to worry about, but others do. Black slavery is not the only type in the world. There are cases in relationships, Egyptian culture, and some cults. Some people are slaves to their own loved ones. Black men enlisting in the Armed Forces were turned away because of a Federal law that banned Negroes from barring arms. The Lincoln administration stepped in on the recruitment of Black troops. The fought very hard on helping the blacks earn the right to enlist. A short time after the government abolished slavery and allowed the enlistment of Black soldiers. By the end of the Civil War nearly 170,000 black men served as soldiers in the U.S. Army, 19,000 in the U.S. Navy, and nearly 5,000 in the U.S. Air Force. Nearly 40,000 Blacks died during the war, and nearly 30,000 were injured or diseased. Black troops served in artillery, and in infantry. They performed in all combat support regiments. The victory of this War ended nearly one hundred percent of slavery in the United States. That was the end of slavery for blacks, but not all slavery was abolished. There are still problems today with slavery in relationships. In some relationships men can be controlling and almost Owner like. They can treat their wives like a slave. They do not let them leave the house unless the husband is with them. They have to clean the house or else they get beat when their husband comes home from the bar. There is no reason for the wives to stay with the man but they think they love them. They end up being a slave in their own home. Egyptian cultures is another way to look at slavery today. In Egypt the woman can not reveal their body in anyway. They are slaves to their culture with out knowing it. They believe that this is the way that god wanted them to be seen. They have no clue on how the rest of the world dresses. They will never know the feeling of being able to run naked through the sand dunes in the desert. Cults have more effect on peoples minds than any religion or husband. When a cult grabs a hold of your mind, you become an appendage of the cult leader. You do exactly what the leaders tell you, when they tell you to do it. You do not see what is happening to you because of the influence they have on you. Once your in there is no chance of leading a normal life. You are nothing but a slave to your leader. There are many other types of slavery besides the few listed above. All of which are not fair to you. You as a part of society, an individual, and a human being. Abraham Lincoln may have freed the slaves, but there is nothing anyone can do about the slavery in the world today. Nobody can help you unless you help yourself. Word Count: 560
Korrekktur usa essay{slavery]
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joy
Re: Korrekktur usa essay{slavery]
Ist dieser Aufsatz von thesis sentence topic sentence usw gut gemacht ?
Is in this essay the thesis sentence and topic sentence right and good?
Slavery is one of the most horrible experiences for Blacks in the U.S. where they were tortured and beaten. They had to do everything what their owner told them. Soon a man named Abraham Lincoln came to their rescue and freed the slaves. Soon after Blacks gained independence from their owner, they were allowed to use public bathrooms, and most important their right to vote. Now the Blacks do not have anything to worry about, but others do. Black slavery is not the only type in the world. There are cases of slavery in relationships, Egyptian culture, and some cults.
Some people are slaves to their own loved ones. Black men enlisted in the Armed Forces were turned away because of a Federal law that banned Negroes from bearing arms. The Lincoln administration took steps for the recruitment of black troops. They fought very hard to help the Blacks in gaining their right to be enlisted. A short time after, the government abolished slavery and allowed the enlistment of black soldiers.
By the end of the Civil War nearly 170,000 black men served as soldiers in the U.S. Army; 19,000 in the U.S. Navy, and nearly 5,000 in the U.S. Air Force. Nearly 40,000 Blacks died during the war, and nearly 30,000 were injured or diseased. Black troops served in artillery, and in infantry. They performed in all combat support regiments. The victory of this war ended nearly one hundred percent of slavery in the United States. That was the end of slavery for Blacks, but slavery was not entirely abolished. There are still problems today with slavery in relationships.
In some relationships men can be controlling and almost (Owner like?) possessive. They can treat their wives like slaves. They do not let them leave the house unless the husband is with them. They have to clean the house or else they are beaten by their husbands (Owner like?) when back home from the bar. There is no reason for the wives to stay with the man but they think of being loved by them. They end up slaves in their own home. Egyptian culture is another example of slavery today. In Egypt the women are not allowed at all to reveal their veil from the body. They are slaves to their culture without knowing it. They believe that this is the way that god wants them to be seen. They do not have a clue on how the rest of the world dresses. They will never know the feeling of being able to run naked through the sand dunes in the desert.
Cults have more effect on people’s minds than any religion or husband. When a cult grabs a hold of your mind, you become an appendage of the cult leader. (Dieser Satz kenne ich nicht und ist vielleicht ok – hier noch eine Möglichkeit) When a cult is engraved in your memory, you become a follower of the cult leader. You do exactly what the leaders tell you, when they want you to do it. You do not see what is happening to you because of the influence they have on you. Once you are in this situation, there is no chance of leading a normal life. You are nothing but a slave to your leader.
There are many other types of slavery besides the few listed above. They are those who are not fair to you. As a part of society, an individual, and a human being, you should by no means experience any slavery. Abraham Lincoln may have freed the slaves, but nobody can solve this kind of slavery in today’s world. Nobody can help you unless you help yourself. Word Count: 560
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Hallo lukaden
Hier meine Korrektur ohne Gewähr. Vielleicht kann noch jemand deinen Aufsatz anschauen.
Dass "Black" immer gleich geschrieben ist, habe ich es auf gross geändert. Es sind beide Varianten möglich.
Schönen Tag
joy
Is in this essay the thesis sentence and topic sentence right and good?
Slavery is one of the most horrible experiences for Blacks in the U.S. where they were tortured and beaten. They had to do everything what their owner told them. Soon a man named Abraham Lincoln came to their rescue and freed the slaves. Soon after Blacks gained independence from their owner, they were allowed to use public bathrooms, and most important their right to vote. Now the Blacks do not have anything to worry about, but others do. Black slavery is not the only type in the world. There are cases of slavery in relationships, Egyptian culture, and some cults.
Some people are slaves to their own loved ones. Black men enlisted in the Armed Forces were turned away because of a Federal law that banned Negroes from bearing arms. The Lincoln administration took steps for the recruitment of black troops. They fought very hard to help the Blacks in gaining their right to be enlisted. A short time after, the government abolished slavery and allowed the enlistment of black soldiers.
By the end of the Civil War nearly 170,000 black men served as soldiers in the U.S. Army; 19,000 in the U.S. Navy, and nearly 5,000 in the U.S. Air Force. Nearly 40,000 Blacks died during the war, and nearly 30,000 were injured or diseased. Black troops served in artillery, and in infantry. They performed in all combat support regiments. The victory of this war ended nearly one hundred percent of slavery in the United States. That was the end of slavery for Blacks, but slavery was not entirely abolished. There are still problems today with slavery in relationships.
In some relationships men can be controlling and almost (Owner like?) possessive. They can treat their wives like slaves. They do not let them leave the house unless the husband is with them. They have to clean the house or else they are beaten by their husbands (Owner like?) when back home from the bar. There is no reason for the wives to stay with the man but they think of being loved by them. They end up slaves in their own home. Egyptian culture is another example of slavery today. In Egypt the women are not allowed at all to reveal their veil from the body. They are slaves to their culture without knowing it. They believe that this is the way that god wants them to be seen. They do not have a clue on how the rest of the world dresses. They will never know the feeling of being able to run naked through the sand dunes in the desert.
Cults have more effect on people’s minds than any religion or husband. When a cult grabs a hold of your mind, you become an appendage of the cult leader. (Dieser Satz kenne ich nicht und ist vielleicht ok – hier noch eine Möglichkeit) When a cult is engraved in your memory, you become a follower of the cult leader. You do exactly what the leaders tell you, when they want you to do it. You do not see what is happening to you because of the influence they have on you. Once you are in this situation, there is no chance of leading a normal life. You are nothing but a slave to your leader.
There are many other types of slavery besides the few listed above. They are those who are not fair to you. As a part of society, an individual, and a human being, you should by no means experience any slavery. Abraham Lincoln may have freed the slaves, but nobody can solve this kind of slavery in today’s world. Nobody can help you unless you help yourself. Word Count: 560
-----------------------
Hallo lukaden
Hier meine Korrektur ohne Gewähr. Vielleicht kann noch jemand deinen Aufsatz anschauen.
Dass "Black" immer gleich geschrieben ist, habe ich es auf gross geändert. Es sind beide Varianten möglich.
Schönen Tag
joy