From Empire to Commonwealth: Verbesserung & Kürzung

[Linylin]

Hallo Leute
ich muss demnächst eine Präsentation halten.
Meinen Text habe ich schon einigermaßen, jedoch ist dieser zu lang und ich brauche noch Verbesserungsvorschläge. (ich darf nur 3 Minuten präsentieren)
Ich muss an die 100 Wörter kürzen - allerdings kann ich nicht so wirklich abschätzen, was nun wichtig ist und was nicht. Vielleicht könnt ihr mir ja beim ganzen helfen.
Vielen Dank schon mal im Vorraus.
LG,
Lina


Canada
Britain was influenced by the American Revolution. The American Revolt began with discontentment with the government in London. The discontent against the Imperial Government, located in London, was widespread in Canada in 1837 and it was enforced when a rebellion broke out. In 1848, Britain granted self-government to Canada. In 1867, the British North America Act (law) established a Confederation of the four provinces of Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia and New Bunswick.

Australia
With the revival of enthusiasm for the Empire in Britain the idea of cooperation between Britain and the colonies gained strength. The first Colonial Conference was in 1877. In 1902 Australia took part in the Colonial Conference for the first time. The report of the Imperial Conference in 1926 declared that Britain and the Dominions were autonomous communities within the British Empire and that they are united by a common allegiance to the crown. Furthermore they are members of the British Commonwealth.

Dominion: self-governing colonies in the British Empire

India
The Muslims became distrustful of the Congress Party because they had fear that the British rules were replaced by Hindu tyranny. The leader of India insists that after achieving independence for India, there must be created a separate state for the Muslims. This state would be Pakistan. In 1947 the Indian Independence Act established India and Pakistan as two independent dominions. But this independence was followed by a Hindu-Muslim conflict. In this conflict many thousand people died and many became homeless refugees. The hasty arrangements for dividing the country led to disputes between India and Pakistan and a permanently strained relationship. In 1949 India announced that they have divided to become a republic. Furthermore they wished to be a member of the Commonwealth. With the admission of India and other Asian nations the Commonwealth became a multi-racial confederation.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hallo Leute
ich muss demnächst eine Präsentation halten.
Meinen Text habe ich schon einigermaßen, jedoch ist dieser zu lang und ich brauche noch Verbesserungsvorschläge. (Ich darf nur 3 Minuten präsentieren).
Ich muss an die 100 Wörter kürzen - allerdings kann ich nicht so wirklich abschätzen, was nun wichtig ist und was nicht. Vielleicht könnt ihr mir ja beim ganzen helfen.
Vielen Dank schon mal im Vorraus.
LG,
Lina

Hi Lina und willkommen im Forum!

Die Hilfe ist inhaltlich etwas schwieriger, weil ich nicht viel von dem Thema weiß. Außerdem ist die Frage, ob Du die Aufteilung der drei Beispiele so beibehalten musst, oder ob Du es in einem Text machen kannst.
Bevor ich mich an der Verbesserung versuche, möchte ich Dich bitten, selbst noch mal den Text aufmerksam zu lesen, denn ich habe den Eindruck, dass da einige Flüchtigkeitsfehler drin sein könnten, auch inhaltlich. Oder meinst Du tatsächlich, dass Britain von der American Revolution beeinflusst wurde?! Nicht vielleicht eher Canada?
Ich finde, wenn Du die Dreiteilung nicht beibehalten musst, wäre es vielleicht ganz gut, wenn Du einen Einleitungssatz in der Art machst: Im Lauf der Zeit entwickelte sich aus dem Britischen Empire das Commonwealth (das Wort dann definieren). Die Gründe hierfür waren unterschiedlich und ich möchte sie an drei Staaten demonstrieren. In Canada hatte die Amerikanische Revolution Auswirkungen. Die Unzufriedenheit mit... führte zu ... usw.
Wenn Du noch etwas Zeit hast, versuche es nochmal. Das kriegen wir doch hin!!

Grüße
Duckduck


Canada
Britain was influenced by the American Revolution. The American Revolt began with discontentment with the government in London. The discontent against the Imperial Government, located in London, was widespread in Canada in 1837 and it was enforced when a rebellion broke out. In 1848, Britain granted self-government to Canada. In 1867, the British North America Act (law) established a Confederation of the four provinces of Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia and New Bunswick.

Australia
With the revival of enthusiasm for the Empire in Britain the idea of cooperation between Britain and the colonies gained strength. The first Colonial Conference was in 1877. In 1902 Australia took part in the Colonial Conference for the first time. The report of the Imperial Conference in 1926 declared that Britain and the Dominions were autonomous communities within the British Empire and that they are united by a common allegiance to the crown. Furthermore they are members of the British Commonwealth.

Dominion: self-governing colonies in the British Empire

India
The Muslims became distrustful of the Congress Party because they had fear that the British rules were replaced by Hindu tyranny. The leader of India insists that after achieving independence for India, there must be created a separate state for the Muslims. This state would be Pakistan. In 1947 the Indian Independence Act established India and Pakistan as two independent dominions. But this independence was followed by a Hindu-Muslim conflict. In this conflict many thousand people died and many became homeless refugees. The hasty arrangements for dividing the country led to disputes between India and Pakistan and a permanently strained relationship. In 1949 India announced that they have divided to become a republic. Furthermore they wished to be a member of the Commonwealth. With the admission of India and other Asian nations the Commonwealth became a multi-racial confederation.

[Linylin]

so, ich hab jetzt nen einleitungssatz und ganz winzige dinge verbessert/verändert ...
ich weiß einfach nicht mehr weiter die englische sprache macht mich total fertig -.-


From Empire to Commonwealth

In the course of time the British Empire has developed to the Commonwealth. For definition: The Commonwealth is a nation or state which is governed by the people. It’s a republic. The reasons for this developing are different and I would like to demonstrate you the reasons in three states.

Canada
In Canada, the American Revolution has had influence. The American Revolt began with discontentment with the government in London. The discontent against the Imperial Government, located in London, was widespread in Canada in 1837. In 1848, Britain granted self-government to Canada. In 1867, the British North America Act (law) established a Confederation of the four provinces of Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia and New Bunswick.

Australia
With the revival of enthusiasm for the Empire in Britain, the idea of cooperation between Britain and the colonies gained strength. The first Colonial Conference was in 1877. In 1902 Australia took part in the Colonial Conference for the first time. The report of the Imperial Conference in 1926 declared that Britain and the Dominions were autonomous communities within the British Empire and that they are united by a common allegiance to the crown. Furthermore they are members of the British Commonwealth.

Dominions: self-governing colonies in the British Empire

India
The Muslims became distrustful of the Congress Party because they had fear that the British rules were replaced by Hindu tyranny. The leader of India insisted that after achieving independence for India, there must be created a separate state for the Muslims. This state would be Pakistan. In 1947 the Indian Independence Act established India and Pakistan as two independent dominions. But this independence was followed by a Hindu-Muslim conflict. In this conflict many thousand people died and many became homeless refugees. The hasty arrangements for dividing the country led to disputes between India and Pakistan and a permanently strained relationship. In 1949 India announced that they have decided to become a republic. Furthermore they wished to be a member of the Commonwealth. With the admission of India and other Asian nations the Commonwealth became a multi-racial confederation.