Statement of Purpose = Motivationsschreiben

[Cater2u]

Hi Leute,

könntet ihr euch bitte mal mein Motivationsschreiben anschauen und korrigieren, das ich für eine kalifornische Uni geschrieben habe?

hi folks,

could you please have a look and correct my statement of purpose which I've written for a californian university?


Dear Mr. ...

In my opinion, the United States are full of fascination and adventure. Last year, I visited them for the first time. I spent ten incredible days in Palo Alto, California, where a good friend of mine was working as an au pair. And so, I fell in love with California’s adorable charm. From the first day of my vacation, I was comfortable, and felt safe and secure. Immediately I took the Californians to my heart. They are so warmhearted and open-minded. Everywhere you can meet friendly and extroverted people. I got to know some friends there, and I’m still in contact with them.
California with its breathtaking landscape and wonderful people has put a spell on me. That’s one of many reasons why I would like to go there.

In Landau, I have been studying English since autumn 2009. I love this language and I want to teach English as a foreign language one day. That’s why I would like to improve my skills. And so I have decided to visit an English speaking country for some months. When I heard about the possibility of making a practical training and visiting the Claremont Graduate University I was very enthusiastic. I think I could improve my English skills a lot in an American school. I would prefer to go to a high school because I want to be a high school teacher in the future.
This experience would prepare me for being a teacher. I would love to get to know the American culture, the youth and of course the school system.
Another reason why I would like to do an exchange is that I want to be independent. I want to grow up, and develop further. Some years ago or maybe even months, I could not imagine leaving my family and friends, and going on a trip for a long time. But since I was in California I am dreaming of living there.

On the internet, I found out that the Claremont Graduate University is a faculty with many different interesting academic programs and activities. I’m also very impressed by the fact that the University has the first Latino Vice President, and added three people of color and one woman as trustees in the last three years. One of the most important components of the University is diversity. Diversity of students in ethnicity, national origin, and gender, and also diversity of faculty members and professors are good examples for that.

To make a long story short, I love California and the people there, and I want to discover the States. But the most important point for me is the opportunity to improve my English and get to know native speakers by making a practical training and studying at Claremont Graduate University.
I would be very glad and grateful if you could make my dream come true. You would not regret it.

[joy]

Hi
Hier ist meine Version. Ich hoffe, dass es noch jemand anschaut, da ich nicht überall sicher bin.

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In the news you are often able to hear about violent acts of hooligans. It seems that sport more encourages hostilities than integrating different members of ethnic groups in the society. I will discuss now if this is true or if it is an incorrect statement.

Let us start by considering, that sport has a very important appointment (a very high status) in the society. Therefore sport games, e.g. a football game is in some (poor) countries a proxy for a war. In fact of that this nation takes this game as important as nothing else. If Iran plays versus the Iraq, and Iraq, which has one player with Iranian descent, loses, then this player surely will be discriminated and has to live with the fear of becoming a victim of an assault. In addition to that, we are able to say, that some people, who are not the majority, take sport competition too serious and are reacting very aggressive if their favourite club is losing a match. On top of that this these fans are promoting racist taunts, because they want to provoke the society and to call attention to themselves. In the media this scenes are often published, but only the minority of fans behave like this. And their getting their comeuppance (punishment).
But let us not turn to the other side, that sport integrates different members of ethnic groups in the society. If you are member of a sport team, you will be respected because every part of this team is important for the success, and therefore everybody will tolerate you and your traditions. A player whose religion says, that he has to fast 2 months, is even supported from his team. However the most important argument is,(kein Komma)that sport is getting a lot of people much closer together, independently of their descent or their traditions. In the time of the Football World Cup people from all over the world come to enjoy one of the biggest events of the world. As you could see in the World Cup 2006 in Germany, people from different countries were celebrating parties on the streets and were hugging each other.
All in all I am of the opinion that sport (…in my opinion, sport really helps….oder…its my opinion that sport really helps…) really helps to integrate people, not only member of different ethnic groups, even everybody is well integrated in a sports club or a fan community.

good wishes
joy