Bitte um Korrektur meiner Hausaufgabe -> Cal

[Doulberich]

Hallo,
habe mich gerade frisch regestriert und werde das Forum jetzt wohl öfter besuchen.
Ich wäre euch sehr verbunden wenn ihr meine Hausaufgaben Korrektur lesen könntet =) Das farbig Geschriebene war die jeweilige Frage. Bezieht sich alles auf ein Buch was wir zur Zeit lesen. Vielleicht kennt es ja auch einer von euch: "CAL"
Soll hier aber ja weniger um den Inhalt gehen sondern nur um die Korrektur!
Vielen Dank schonmal...

A divided society produces divided individuals. How many individuals in Cal would you describe as divided?

In my opinion 2 characters in the story can be described as devided. On the one hand Cal and on the other hand Marcella. First of all I think Cal has a devided politcal attitude. He helps his violent friends to make armed hold-up and to kill people. But he says he is against violance. Also Marcella has a devided personality because of living with her parents in law while she would prefer to live alone with her child. Another significant point is that she married Robert although she did not realy love him.


There are no rules, Cahal, just eventual winners. Does Cal follow any rules? Could Cal be described as a winner or a loser?

It would be wrong to claim that Cal follow any rules. He is criminal and help his friends to make armed hold-up. Furthermore he does not follow moral vallues. For example he reads the diary from Marcella when she is not at home. All in all I belive that Cal can be described as a loser. There are several reasons for this. His home was burning out and his father got depressed. He is together with a woman which husband he helped to kill. If he shrives that Marcella she would probably left him.
In the end of the story the police arrested him because of his criminal connection to Crilly and Skeffington. In summing up it can be said that Cal can be described as a loser.

Is cal too short for a novel? If Cal were twice the length, what parts of the action would you want to devote more space to developing and why? In what ways would it become a different novel?

I would not say that Cal is to short for a novel. The reader gets to know the character of Cal very well and detailed. If Cal would be the twice the length I want to devote more space for his political development. Would he leave his criminal behaviour and how would be the reaction of Crilly and Skeffingtion. Furthermore I want to know more about the development of the relationship between Cal and Marcella. If the reader get more information about these developments it would maybe become a different novel. Maybe the realtionship between Marcella and Cal are different how the reader know it yet. Moreover an other ending of the story can become more interesting.

[Joefish]

[...]
A divided society produces divided individuals. How many individuals in Cal would you describe as divided?

In my opinion Cal and Marcella, two characters of the story can be described as divided individuals. On the one hand Cal and on the other hand Marcella. Moreover, I think Cal has a divided politcal attitude. First he helped his violent friends to commit (armed) (I would leave 'armed' out of this sentence because a hold-up already describes a robbery by armed robbers) a hold-up and to kill people. But then he said he is against violence. Also Marcella has a split personality because of living with her parents in law while she would prefer to live alone with her child. Another significant point is that she married Robert although she did not really love him.


There are no rules, Cahal, just eventual winners. Does Cal follow any rules? Could Cal be described as a winner or a loser?

It would be wrong to claim that Cal follow any rules. He is criminal and helped his friends to commit/do(but make sounds strange to me) a armed hold-up. Furthermore, he does not follow moral vallues. For example, he reads the diary from Marcella when she is not at home. All in all I believe that Cal can be described as a loser. There are several reasons for this. His home burned out and his father got depressed. He is together with a woman which husband he helped to kill. If he shrove ('to confess' would be better here if he don't do it in church I think) this deed Marcella she would probably leave him.
In the end of the story the police arrested him because of his criminal connection to Crilly and Skeffington. In summing up/To sum up, it can be said that Cal (can be described as)/is (why make it more complicated than necessary?) a loser.

Is cal too short for a novel? If Cal were twice the length, what parts of the action would you want to devote more space to developing and why? In what ways would it become a different novel?

I would not say that Cal is too short for a novel. The reader (gets to know) (maybe 'get told/narrated') the character of Cal very well and detailed. If Cal were the twice the length I woulddevote more space for his political development. Would he leave/stop his criminal behaviour and how would be the reaction ofCrilly and Skeffingtion react on it. Furthermore, I think it would be interesting to see how the development of the relationship between Cal and Marcella goes on. If the reader got more information about these developments it would maybe become a different novel. Maybe the realtionship between Marcella and Cal would be different how the reader know it yet. Moreover, an other ending of the story ccould become more interesting.

Well... normally I do not correct texts of the forum users because I think that I would just make more mistakes than there were before..
(I really had some problems with the last paragraph..)
But nobody corrected it so I thought I just try it and get afterwards my ass kicked by our natives and linguistic geniuses.
But well written text even if some words didn't really fit in (in my opinion) and you made some grammar mistakes at the end.
And please wait for other corrections

[joy]

Hi
Noch ein paar Ups: Siehe Wörter in Grossbuchstaben und eckigen Klammern:



1. Abschnitt:
But then he said he WAS against violence. [reported speech]


2. Abschnitt
He is together with a woman WHOSE husband HELPED HIM to kill.

If he shrove ('to confess' would be better here if he don't do it in church I think) this deed Marcella [SHE WEGLASSEN]] would probably leave him.


3. Abschnitt
Titel: Is [Cal: GROSSSCHREIBEN] too short for a novel? If Cal were twice the length, what parts of the action would you want to devote more space FOR developing and why? In what ways would it become a different novel?

If Cal were the twice the length I would [ABSTAND]devote more space for his political development.

Moreover, ANOTHER [ZUSAMMENSCHREIBEN or A DIFFERENT] ending of the story COULD become more interesting.

Weitere Korrekturleser erwünscht.
Nice day
joy

[Doulberich]

Danke für die Korrekturen! Werde meine Hausaufgabe morgen vortragen...mal sehen was meine Lehrerin noch so findet