Bitte um eine Verbesserung

[Blaubaerchen]

Hey,
wäre toll wenn jemand mein Assignment Korrektur lesen wurden. Wir sollten einen inneren Monolog während des Autofahrens schreiben. Er sollte so um die 400 Wörter haben. Weiterhin hat man einen Beifahrer haben, der auf uns einredet. Das wären so die groben Vorgaben.

I am just sitting on the driver seat, waiting for Harry, like I have done it a hundred times before, I nervously tell myself to calm me down. But today is different - it is absolutly no normal day. I am not driving to the cinema, I am driving a getawy car. I’d better put the key in the ignition and start the engine....
In this moment Harry jumped on the passenger seat next to me and throw his mask in the glove compartment. Before he can fasten his seat belt, I accelerate. I take a look at Harry. He looks nearly enthusiastic. Indeed he reports me that everyerthing went excatly according to our plan and begin to describe me every detail. But I can not listen to him. I was struggeling with my own thoughts. Why can’t I get rid of my bad feeling when everything went just well? And how in God’s sake could Harry covince me at all to take part in a bank robbery. I just can not believe that I am involved in a crime. Me, the well-behaving girl who can not hurt a fly. We do not need the money that much.
Completly lost in my thoughts I look on the speedometer. Nearlly 80km/h in the city, I step on the brake. Just drive normal, I tell myself, in this way we just disappear in the mass of cars, driving home from work and no one will notice us. But all my trials to calm down failure. I look at my hands which hold shakingly the steering wheel. The weather is exactly how I feel today -awful! The rain drops fall heavily on the front window and the windsreen wipers work heavily to clear my view.
Haven’t I just heard the horn of a police car? I glanced again in the rear-view mirrow. Oh yes, I see it clearly now there is the police a with siren wailing and blue light flashing right behind of me. Oh :censored:, what should I do now? I can not just behave normally anymore – we are on the run. So there is only one chance to get away and this is to be faster than the police. So I quickly accerlate to overtake the cars in front of me. I can not considerate of my sourrounding. By honking the horn I try to clear my way.

Das Ende gefällt mir noch nicht wirklich. Ich bin derzeit noch am überarbeiten aber es wäre trotzdem toll wenn jemand das ganze schon mal durchlesen und verbessern könnte.

Danke schon einmal in vorruas
Liebe Grüße
Blaubaerchen

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hey,
wäre toll wenn jemand meine Aufgabe Korrektur lesen würde. Wir sollten einen inneren Monolog während des Autofahrens schreiben. Er sollte so um die 400 Wörter haben. Weiterhin hat man einen Beifahrer haben, der auf uns einredet. Das wären so die groben Vorgaben.
Hallo und herzlich willkommen Blaubaerchen. Ich will gerne helfen, Du müsstest aber noch mal googeln unter innerer Monolog und Dir genauer die Kennzeichen desselben ansehen. Teile Deines Textes sind nicht im inneren Monolog geschrieben.
Los geht's


Here I am - just sitting on the driver seat - waiting for Harry - haven't I done this a hundred times before? "Come on girl, calm down". But isn't today different - this isn't a normal day, is it? I'm not driving to the cinema here, am I? I'm driving a getaway car. Oh, I’d better put the key in the ignition and maybe start the engine....
My Gosh, there he is, Harry, jumping on the passenger seat - throwing his mask into the glove compartment. "I'm not waiting for you to fasten your seat belt, mate". Here we go, never accelerated like this in my whole life. Look at him, there he sits - looking almost enthusiastic. "Enjoying yourself, are you?" What's he saying? Everything went exactly according to plan, did it? And now he wants to describe every detail, right? Hey mate. I can't listen to you - I'm having my hands full with my own thoughts. Oh, why can’t I get rid of these bad feelings? Everything went just well, he says - Great! But how for God’s sake could he convince me in the first place? What am I doing here - assisting in a bank robbery. This just can't be true, oh no, it's all a mistake - I'm not involved in a crime. Surely not - not me, not Daddy's good girl. Come on, we don't need the money all that much. This must be a mistake - "Oh, watch it - nearly 80 km/h in the city, great idea, yeah, make the cops stop you, go on, girl. Just drive normal - vanish among the cars, just driving home from work, that's it - and no one will notice me. "Look at my hands - how they are shakingl. Oh, and just what I need: this weather - awful! All those rain drops falling - on the front window - and the windscreen wipers swishing - clearing my view.
My Goodness, isn't this..yes, it must be, it is - the horn of a police car. There, I see it in the rear-view mirrow. Oh yes, there are the police, they are coming, "Oh shut up Harry, shut up, will you?" A siren wailing and blue light flashing right behind me. OK, what now? I can't handle this – we are on the run - only one chance to get away - I must be faster than the police. "Quickly now, quickly" Accerlate, overtake - overtake the cars in front of me. I can't see a thing - I'm not looking. "Get out of my way! Don't you hear me honking the horn - clear off. Oh and Harry, just shut up, will you"

Das Ende gefällt mir noch nicht wirklich. Ich bin derzeit noch am überarbeiten aber es wäre trotzdem toll wenn jemand das ganze schon mal durchlesen und verbessern könnte.

Danke schon einmal in voraus
Liebe Grüße
Blaubaerchen

Ganz schnell, meine Schüler warten. Dies ist ein Vorschlag, habe die einzelnen Verbesserungen nicht gekennzeichnet. Lies mal und such Dir aus, was Dir gefällt.

Grüße
Duckduck

[Blaubaerchen]

Danke schön!
Ja ich hatte ein wenig Probleme alles als inneren Monolog zu schreiben.