A story - topic: crime

[joe25]

Hello! Is the grammer right, i am not sure...

I have just spent a day in a prison as a visitor. I have taked to different people, and I have seen a cell.
My first lawbreaker have been a robber. In 1995 he robbed a bank and bagged around 2 Millions Euro. But the police caught him on his elopement. Now, he must staying 10 years in the prison.

My second criminal have been (?) a drug pusher. He dislodged cocaine and heroin in high doses. He is still an addict, too. He was on a withdrawal treatment, this means you going on a cure to try to stop taking drugs, but he couldn't. He was in a hopital too, because he got a overdose of narotics. He is really a penurious person. The reasons for the dealing with drugs are, that he needs the money and the recognition.

My third delinquent have been (?) a hooligan. He threated some persones with a weapon, and he beated up some of them. But it's a really small person, you can't imagine this. The reason for this criminal behaviour is just tedium.

My impressons are different. Sometimes I was really fearful because the convicts looked really dangerous. But some of the offenders are really friendly and you can't imagine that this persons do any bad thinks like armed robbery, bribery, forgery, burglary, any kinds of fraud or murder.

The cells are small and sometimes dirty and you must share the room with a another criminal.
The cells aren't a relaxing places.

I can't imagine, how it is to spend your hole day in a small cell. You can watch TV one or two hours per day, and you can just spend one hour outside your cell in a really small green place.
But the good thing is, you have a lot of time. Some prisoner are making her school qualifications
or reading some books, like the bibel.

The crime rate, that means the number of unlawful acts within a certain period of time, is not high in Germany, but the youth delinquency is. Pickpockets or robber are the typical crime committed by young person. The white-collar crime isn't a problem in Germany.

Thanks, for all.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hello! Is the grammar correct, I am not sure...

I have just spent a day in a prison as a visitor. I have talked to different people, and I have seen saw oder: looked at a cell.
The first lawbreaker I talked to have been was a robber. In 1995 he robbed a bank and bagged about 2 Millions Euros. But the police caught him on his elopement flight. Now, he must staying in the prison for 10 years. oder: Now he is doing a 10-year sentence.

The second criminal was a drug pusher. He dislodged dealt in cocaine and heroin in fairly large quantities. He is an addict still. He was on a withdrawal treatment, this means you going on therapy in order to try and stop taking drugs. But he wasn't successful. He was in a hopital as well because he took an overdose of narotics. He is really a penurious (meinst Du echt geizig?, dann ginge auch stingy) person. His reasons for the dealing with drugs were that he needed the money and wanted the recognition.

My third delinquent was a hooligan. He threatened some persones with a weapon and then beated some of them up. But he's a small person, really, you wouldn't expect this when you see him. The reason for this criminal behaviour was simply boredom.

My impressons are different diverse. Sometimes I was really frightened because the convicts looked really dangerous. But some of the offenders were really friendly and you can hardly imagine that this persons could do anything bad like armed robbery, bribery, forgery, burglary, all kinds of fraud, or murder. (Da ist nun 3x "really" hintereinander, denk noch mal nach)

The cells are small and sometimes dirty and you oder: one must share the room with a another criminal.
The cells aren't places to relax in.

I can't imagine how it is to spend the whole day in a small cell. You can watch TV for one or two hours per day, and you can spend just one hour outside your cell in a really small green area.
But the good thing is, you have a lot of time. Some prisoners work for their school qualifications or reading some books, like the Bible.

The crime rate, that is the number of unlawful acts within a certain period of time, is not high in Germany, but the youth delinquency is. Picking pockets or robbery are the typical crimes committed by young persons. The white-collar crime isn't a problem in Germany.

Yo, das war ein langer Text - mit einigen Fehlern, aber OK. Ich weiß nicht, wofür Du ihn brauchst, aber er ist ziemlich umgangssprachlich gehalten. Wenn es ein formeller Anlass ist, solltest Du da noch mal dran. Wenn er als Arbeit geschrieben abgegeben werden soll, überlege noch mal wegen der Kurzformen "don't" usw.

Good luck says
Duckduck

[joe25]

Warum darf ich nun nicht Present Perfekt verwenden? Ich könnte doch schon, weil gilt: "Handlungen, die gerade abgeschlossen wurden"
z.B.:
I have just spent a day in a prison as a visitor.

Warum darf ich nicht Present Perfekt verwenden, sondern muss Simple past verwenden?


Gruss und danke für die Erklärung.

[Awesome]

Ich habe den Text jetzt zwar nur ueberflogen, aber ich wuerde sagen der Grund ist, dass du eine Geschichte erzaehlst. 1. Geschichte werden immer im Simple Past und nie im Present Perfect geschrieben und 2. erzaelt du ja so eine Sache nach der anderen Sache. Typisch fuer Simple Past.

Das waere meine Erklaerung

Gruss Awesome

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hi Joe25,
ich schließe mich Awesome an, und sage ein weiteres Mal: seid vorsichtig mit dem Present Perfect!!!
Die Regeln sind leicht mal misszuverstehen.
Zum Beispiel ist Dein Hinweis, dass die Handlung doch gerade erst abgeschlossen war (so nach dem Motto, ich bin eben wiedergekommen, vor 2 1/2 Minuten...) für sich allein genommen nicht relevant.
Die Zeitdauer seit Abschluss der Handlung ist nicht entscheidend, sondern die Frage, ob Du ausdrücken willst, dass Dein Besuch im Knast in der Sprechsituation (= Gegenwart) konkrete Konsequenzen zeigt.
"I have just been to visit a prison. I am still shaking."

Aber der Besuch des Gefängnisses ist in Deinem Aufsatz ja abgeschlossen, Du bist jetzt zu Hause und berichtest darüber. Und so finden die Gründe Anwendung, die Awesome angeführt hat.

Good luck says
Duckduck