Inhaltsangabe/Interpretation - bitte um Korrektur!

[Tyche]

Hallo,

ich bin neu.
Aber in Zukunft hoffentlich oefters hier.

Aber gut, der Grund warum ich in dieses Forum poste ist folgender, ich habe einen Englischen Text interpretiert und wuerde mich freuen, wenn jemand einmal einen Blick darueber haben koennte.

Mir geht es hauptsaechlich um Grammatik, aber auch um Tipps jeglicher Form.

(Seid aber nicht zu hard Im Englischen war ich noch nie besonders "begabt")

Liebe Gruesse
Tyche

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates an incident happen to a parentless boy living in an orphange.
One day the boy recognizes one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.
Seizing an opportunity the boy attempts to rescue the butterfly, which has been pinned on a board, but he is caught by the returning house parent.
Subsequently the delicate/tender wings of the captured butterfly break because of the house parents improvidently hit on the boys head with the board.
Though the boy is ordered to remove the butterfly pieces he tries recovering the monarch consecutive by surrendering and burying the remains in a shoe box.

In Kisers short story "Butterflies" a detached word is the combined interpretation
and signification: freedom.
Resourcefully hidden under a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphange.
A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting and rigorous life, characterizing
himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.
Furthermore he observes his current life as a "little soldier", who, not allowed
to judge about his own life, is moving in "straight lines" and "march(es)" instead of goes.
The portrayal of the boys home is developing an image of a prison, besets with imperturable walls detaining
sunshine and joy.
The orphange, allusively/vicariously described as a prison, is demonstrating the "dark side" of the story - on
the opposite the butterflies, which are delineated as "these beautiful creatures". Tender and delicate.
Consideration to the, not as animals, which would also be compatible, chosen word "creatures" usually used to describe
fairies, for example.
To elaborate on the butterflies, the luminousness and peaceful antithesis,which are not determined to "march in straight
lines" "strew(ing)" around and are the splendid symbol for freedom. The butterflies, which life is a light-footed dance of
life seen with the boys eyes.
Sequencing the rescue attempt of the boy could indicate more than just an effort caused by mercy, rather an experiment to
liberate himself as well. "If he could liberate the butterflies, he would be able to liberate himself".
It is a kind of way to show his profound feelings for "these creatures" and fly away in mind.
But in the end he fails.
"Finally it's broke off and the butterfly fell to the ground and just quivered.", is a definiton for the dying butterfly as
well as for the dying dream of the boy.
It is like one leg of the boy is fixed on the board and even if his loose leg contends, he is obliged to remain.
Continuing Kiser's short story contrives an unique and specific reader-text-relationship through/via the 1st person narrator.
Particular the relation between the boy and the butterflies, comprehending the boys profound feelings, is examined.
But on the other hand the author is endeavored to keep a distance between reader and boy, formulated by refraining the boys
name, deduced by the image of a faceless boy, who is alone in the world.
The broken wings are an allusion for the boys damaged life and a remainder to be carfeful with fragile items. Like a mirror,
once demolished ardously to repair.
In the story the boy has to recognize the deprivation of the butterflies wing and life, furthermore that it is hopeless to
revive the past and to be gently in the future.
Consequential the boy creates a new procedure to rescue his monarchs by "shooing" them away.
"Because they did not know that the orphanage was a bad place to live and a very bad place to die."
The high moral of "Butterflies" is arduous to interpret.
The short story demonstrates how important freedom is and the right to judge, addmittedly seen through my eyes.

[Delfino]

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates an incident
that happened to a (parentless) boy living in an orphanage.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

He is seizing an opportunity the boy attempts to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies consecutively and buries them in a shoe box.

In Kisers short story "Butterflies" a detached word is the combined interpretation
and signification: freedom.
What are you trying to say? Tell us (in German) ...

[... ] is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting and rigorous life, (really?)
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

imperturbable

...

Butterflies by Roger Dean Kiser
http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stori ... /But.shtml

As you probably know this short story may be called autobiographical literature.
I recommend reading the comments on this work on the web page mentioned above.

[Tyche]

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates an incident
that happened to a (parentless) boy living in an orphanage.

Warum in der Vergangenheit? Soweit ich weiss, werden Einleitungen und Zusammenfassungen immer im Praesens geschrieben und es ist ja keinesfalls etwas, das sich vor der eigentlichen Handlung abgespielt haette.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

He is seizing an opportunity the boy attempts to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies consecutively and buries them in a shoe box.

In Kisers short story "Butterflies" a detached word is the combined interpretation
and signification: freedom.
What are you trying to say? Tell us (in German) ...

Generell, dass ich der Ansicht bin, dass man die gesamte Geschichte in dem Wort "Freiheit" zusammenfassen koennte.

[... ] is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting and rigorous life, (really?)
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Ja. So wuerde ich das Leben des Jungen beschreiben.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

imperturbable

...

Danke fuer deine Korrektur , allerdings frage ich mich, was mir die 3 Punkte am Ende sagen sollen?
Und dann, sind meine Fehler Schoenheitsfehler, Wortfehler oder Grammatikfehler?

Butterflies by Roger Dean Kiser
Link wuerde folgen, ich habe zu wenig Posts um es zu posten.

As you probably know this short story may be called autobiographical literature.
I recommend reading the comments on this work on the web page mentioned above.

Ich weiss rein gar nichts ueber die Geschichte, legendlich deren Inhalt, und so wird es auch bleiben, bis ich mit meiner Interpretation fertig bin, ...
Es ging gerade darum, nichts ueber die Geschichte zu wissen.

Nocheinmal Danke,
liebe Gruesse
Tyche

[Delfino]

Warum in der Vergangenheit? Soweit ich weiss, werden Einleitungen und Zusammenfassungen immer im Praesens geschrieben und es ist ja keinesfalls etwas, das sich vor der eigentlichen Handlung abgespielt haette.

OK.

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates a tragic incidence of /
an experience of a boy living in an orphanage.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

The boy attempts to seize an opportunity to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies and consecutively buries them in a shoe box.

In Kisers short story "Butterflies" a detached word is the combined interpretation
and signification: freedom. What are you trying to say? Tell us (in German) ...

Generell, dass ich der Ansicht bin, dass man die gesamte Geschichte in dem Wort "Freiheit" zusammenfassen koennte.

In my opinion Kiser's short story "Butterflies" can be summarized with the word freedom.

This is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting and rigorous life, (really?)
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Ja. So wuerde ich das Leben des Jungen beschreiben.

Ich möchte mich nicht zu sehr in den Inhalt deiner Interpretation eingreifen.
Aber ich denke, dass der Autor damit möglicherweise etwas anderes ausdrücken will.
Ein alter Mann ist z.B. erwachsen, hat sein Leben fast hinter sich
und damit ist seine kindlichen Sicht auf die schönen Dinge der Welt
einem Blick für die (harte) Realität gewichen.
Dieses schon "Erwachsensein" wird auch dadurch verstärkt,
dass er seine Machtlosigkeit (wie ein Soldat keinen Einfluß auf ihn betreffende Entscheidungen)
gegenüber den Betreuern erkennt.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

imperturbable
...

Danke fuer deine Korrektur , allerdings frage ich mich, was mir die 3 Punkte am Ende sagen sollen?

Die Punkte sind ein Zeichen dafür, dass dein Text noch weitergeht
und somit möglicherweise noch weitere Fehler enthält.

________________________________________________________________________________

Butterflies by Roger Dean Kiser
Siehe oben! Ein Link auf die Kurzgeschichte und einige Kommentare!
As you probably know this short story may be called autobiographical literature.
I recommend reading the comments on this work on the web page mentioned above.

Ich weiss rein gar nichts ueber die Geschichte, legendlich deren Inhalt,
und so wird es auch bleiben, bis ich mit meiner Interpretation fertig bin, ...
Es ging gerade darum, nichts ueber die Geschichte zu wissen.

Klar, aber dein Wissen über den Autor
könntest du vielleicht auch in deine Überlegungen einfließen lassen.

Und dann, sind meine Fehler Schoenheitsfehler, Wortfehler oder Grammatikfehler?

Deine Fehler sind von unterschiedlicher Art. Ich würde sie nicht unbedingt kategorisieren.

[Tyche]

Warum in der Vergangenheit? Soweit ich weiss, werden Einleitungen und Zusammenfassungen immer im Praesens geschrieben und es ist ja keinesfalls etwas, das sich vor der eigentlichen Handlung abgespielt haette.

OK.

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates a tragic incidence of /
an experience of a boy living in an orphanage.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

The boy attempts to seize an opportunity to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies and consecutively buries them in a shoe box.

In Kisers short story "Butterflies" a detached word is the combined interpretation
and signification: freedom. What are you trying to say? Tell us (in German) ...

Generell, dass ich der Ansicht bin, dass man die gesamte Geschichte in dem Wort "Freiheit" zusammenfassen koennte.

In my opinion Kiser's short story "Butterflies" can be summarized with the word freedom.

Ich habe gelernt, dass ich gerade eben dies nicht schreiben darf, deswegen war mein Satz, zugegeben, auch etwas "seltsam" konstruiert. Meinungen, wenn ueberhaupt, erst im Schlussteil.

This is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting and rigorous life, (really?)
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Ja. So wuerde ich das Leben des Jungen beschreiben.

Ich möchte mich nicht zu sehr in den Inhalt deiner Interpretation eingreifen.
Aber ich denke, dass der Autor damit möglicherweise etwas anderes ausdrücken will.
Ein alter Mann ist z.B. erwachsen, hat sein Leben fast hinter sich
und damit ist seine kindlichen Sicht auf die schönen Dinge der Welt
einem Blick für die (harte) Realität gewichen.
Dieses schon "Erwachsensein" wird auch dadurch verstärkt,
dass er seine Machtlosigkeit (wie ein Soldat keinen Einfluß auf ihn betreffende Entscheidungen)
gegenüber den Betreuern erkennt.

Moeglicherweise, ja. Aber wie gesagt, habe ich mir die Geschichte genommen, ohne jeglichen Vorkenntnisse, und sie versucht ein bisschen zu interpretieren.
Im Groben geht es auch nur um die Grammatik und das Schreiben an sich, die Interpretation selbst ist zweitrangig.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

imperturbable
...

Danke fuer deine Korrektur , allerdings frage ich mich, was mir die 3 Punkte am Ende sagen sollen?

Die Punkte sind ein Zeichen dafür, dass dein Text noch weitergeht
und somit möglicherweise noch weitere Fehler enthält.

Gut, klingt ein bisschen nach "Ich habe die ersten Zeilen gelesen, und es aufgegeben. *kopf-in-den-Sand-steck* Ich wusste es, es ist hoffnunglos, ... und ich muss Englisch sogar als Grundkurs waehlen.


________________________________________________________________________________

Butterflies by Roger Dean Kiser
Siehe oben! Ein Link auf die Kurzgeschichte und einige Kommentare!
As you probably know this short story may be called autobiographical literature.
I recommend reading the comments on this work on the web page mentioned above.

Ich weiss rein gar nichts ueber die Geschichte, legendlich deren Inhalt,
und so wird es auch bleiben, bis ich mit meiner Interpretation fertig bin, ...
Es ging gerade darum, nichts ueber die Geschichte zu wissen.

Klar, aber dein Wissen über den Autor
könntest du vielleicht auch in deine Überlegungen einfließen lassen.

Gut, ueberzeugt, ich werde mir den Link einmal ansehen und meinen Text gegebenfalls umschreiben, wobei ich vermutlich unbewusst anfangen werden, einiges zu kopieren.

Und dann, sind meine Fehler Schoenheitsfehler, Wortfehler oder Grammatikfehler?

Deine Fehler sind von unterschiedlicher Art. Ich würde sie nicht unbedingt kategorisieren.

Mh, dass ist nicht sehr hilfreich. Ich kann mich schliesslich nicht verbessern, wenn ich nicht weiss, was genau ich falsch gemacht habe.


Liebe Gruesse Tyche

[Delfino]

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates a tragic incidence of /
an experience of a boy living in an orphanage.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

The boy attempts to seize an opportunity to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies and consecutively buries them in a shoe box.

Kiser's short story "Butterflies" can be summarized with the word freedom.

This is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting [kraftraubend] and rigorous (Wortwahl?) life,
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

The portrayal of the boys home is creating a prisonlike environment with imperturbable walls detaining sunshine and joy.

In this story the orphanage, allusively described as a prison, represents the "dark side"
in opposition to the butterflies, which are delineated as "these beautiful creatures" - tender and delicate.

Although animals would also fit the word "creatures", which is usually used in fairies, is chosen.

To elaborate on the butterflies, the luminousness and peaceful antithesis (Inhalt?),
which are not forced to "march in straight lines", but fly around freely and
are the splendid symbol for freedom.

The relation between the boy and the butterflies is examined in particular.

From the boy's perspective the butterfly's life is probably seen as a light-footed dance.

Sequencing the rescue attempt of the boy could indicate more than just an effort caused by mercy.

It's an attempt to liberate himself as well.

If he could free the butterfly, he would also be able to liberate himself.

His actions are a way to show his profound feelings for "these creatures",
which allow him to fly away in his mind.

But his mission fails in the end.

"Finally it's broke off and the butterfly fell to the ground and just quivered.",
is a symbol for the dying butterfly as well as the dying dream of the boy.

It is like one leg of the boy is fixed on the board and even if his loose leg contends,
so he is obliged to remain.

Kiser's short story contrives an unique and specific reader-text-relationship
using the first-person narrative mode.

But on the other hand the author is endeavored to keep a distance between the reader and the boy.
This is formulated by refraining the boys name and thereby deducing him
to an image of a faceless boy, who is all alone in the world.

The broken wings are an allusion to the boys easily damaged life
and a remainder to be careful with fragile things / lifeforms.

Like a mirror, once demolished is arduously and mostly impossible to repair.

In the story the boy has to recognize the deprivation of the butterflies wing and life.
Furthermore it is impossible to revive the past, but he tries to be more helpful in the future.

Consequential the boy creates a new habit to rescue his monarchs by shooing them away.

"Because they did not know that the orphanage was a bad place to live and a very bad place to die."
The message of "Butterflies" is arduous to put into words.

In my view the short story demonstrates how important freedom is
and the right to judge upon your [...] .

In my view the short story demonstrates how important your own freedom is
and that you shouldn't allow anybody to deprive other people or creatures of theirs.


Dein Satzbau, also die Reihenfolge der Wörter, macht den Text manchmal schwer zu lesen.
Die Benutzung eines Wörterbuches ist sehr wichtig. Aber du must dabei auch auf den Kontext achten,
denn eine direkte Übersetzung (DE-EN) der Wörter ist nicht immer möglich.

[Tyche]

The short story "Butterflies" written by Roger Dean Kiser delineates a tragic incidence of /
an experience of a boy living in an orphanage.

One day the boy sees one of the house parents hunting his beloved butterflies.

The boy attempts to seize an opportunity to rescue the butterfly,
which has been pinned on a heavy cardboard, but he is caught by the returning house parent.

Subsequently the fragile body of the captured butterfly breaks apart
because the house parent is improvidently hitting the boys head with the cardboard.

Although the boy is ordered to dispose the butterflies he tries to recover the remaining pieces
of the monarch butterflies and consecutively buries them in a shoe box.

Kiser's short story "Butterflies" can be summarized with the word freedom.

This is resourcefully hidden behind a butterfly loving boy, who lives in an orphanage.

A boy, who is determined to live an exhausting [kraftraubend] and rigorous (Wortwahl?) life,
characterizing himself as "an old man", although he is not older than eighteen.

Furthermore he describes his current life as a "little soldier",
who is not allowed to decide anything and "marches in straight lines" (only).

The portrayal of the boys home is creating a prisonlike environment with imperturbable walls detaining sunshine and joy.

In this story the orphanage, allusively described as a prison, represents the "dark side"
in opposition to the butterflies, which are delineated as "these beautiful creatures" - tender and delicate.

Although animals would also fit the word "creatures", which is usually used in fairies, is chosen.

To elaborate on the butterflies, the luminousness and peaceful antithesis (Inhalt?),
which are not forced to "march in straight lines", but fly around freely and
are the splendid symbol for freedom.

The relation between the boy and the butterflies is examined in particular.

From the boy's perspective the butterfly's life is probably seen as a light-footed dance.

Sequencing the rescue attempt of the boy could indicate more than just an effort caused by mercy.

It's an attempt to liberate himself as well.

If he could free the butterfly, he would also be able to liberate himself.

His actions are a way to show his profound feelings for "these creatures",
which allow him to fly away in his mind.

But his mission fails in the end.

"Finally it's broke off and the butterfly fell to the ground and just quivered.",
is a symbol for the dying butterfly as well as the dying dream of the boy.

It is like one leg of the boy is fixed on the board and even if his loose leg contends,
so he is obliged to remain.

Kiser's short story contrives an unique and specific reader-text-relationship
using the first-person narrative mode.

But on the other hand the author is endeavored to keep a distance between the reader and the boy.
This is formulated by refraining the boys name and thereby deducing him
to an image of a faceless boy, who is all alone in the world.

The broken wings are an allusion to the boys easily damaged life
and a remainder to be careful with fragile things / lifeforms.

Like a mirror, once demolished is arduously and mostly impossible to repair.

In the story the boy has to recognize the deprivation of the butterflies wing and life.
Furthermore it is impossible to revive the past, but he tries to be more helpful in the future.

Consequential the boy creates a new habit to rescue his monarchs by shooing them away.

"Because they did not know that the orphanage was a bad place to live and a very bad place to die."
The message of "Butterflies" is arduous to put into words.

In my view the short story demonstrates how important freedom is
and the right to judge upon your [...] .

In my view the short story demonstrates how important your own freedom is
and that you shouldn't allow anybody to deprive other people or creatures of theirs.


Dein Satzbau, also die Reihenfolge der Wörter, macht den Text manchmal schwer zu lesen.
Die Benutzung eines Wörterbuches ist sehr wichtig. Aber du must dabei auch auf den Kontext achten,
denn eine direkte Übersetzung (DE-EN) der Wörter ist nicht immer möglich.

Nochmal ein grosses Dankeschoen.

Ich haette zwar noch ein paar Fragen bezueglich der Korrektur, aber das lasse ich einmal sein, dass wuerde sehr undankbar klingen, da du dir ja schon die Muehe gegeben hast, meinen Text zu korrigieren.

Aber kannst du mir vielleicht einen Ratschlag geben, was ich besser machen kann? Oder Aehnliches?
Wenn ich mir die Korrektur anschaue, dann muss ich feststellen, dass es schon sehr "anders" ist von meinem Text und es ist, auf Deutsch gesagt, wirklich unglaublich deprimierend.

Liebe Gruesse
Tyche

Ich habe kein De-En Worterbuch benutzt, faellt mir noch ein.
Ich habe legendlich fuer manche Woerter, die ich nicht doppelt und dreifach haben wollte, ein Syno. Woerterbuch benutzt, ...
und eigentlich auch immer auf eine passende Beschreibung geachtet.