email letter to a group leader, PLEAS HELP

[GeoTom]

Hello,
i have to whrite a email letter to a group leader, aksing for a talk.
How is this:

Dear Mr Name,
I am studying biology in Ort and I will do my diploma in October. I am very interested in biochemistry, this is also my main subject.
I did a couple of optional interships in the lab. Beside my study I am working for Prof. Dr. Name in the lab and I would like to do my diploma thesis in the Faculty of NameSciences.
Your research theme ist very interesting and I would like very much to talk with you concerning your research theme.


Sincerely,

Name


Waht do you think? Is it ok?

Thanks for reading it.

geo

[Syrus]

vielleicht:
I am very interested in biochemistry, which is also my main subject.

[GeoTom]

Dank dir, ist es ansonsten den ok?
Ich möchte mir nicht so sehr die Blöße geben...

[Saskia]

Hey!
Ich würde noch etwas mehr ins Detail gehen : was waren die Schwerpunkte in Deinen "Internships"?
Stell deutlicher heraus, welche Fähigkeiten Du hast (praktische und theoretische) v.a. bezogen auf die neue Stelle...zB interessierst Du Dich für Immunologie und kannst spielend ELISA und weißt alles über irgendwelche Rheuma-Antikörper...

[GeoTom]

Woher weißt du, dass ich das weiß

Eigentlich soll das nur eine Mail sein um sich mit ihm zu treffen.
Sa möchte ich erstmal nicht so viele Details hineinbringen (wo ich dann noch viele Fehler reinbringe).

Sind die Sätze ansonsten ok? Kann man die so lassen? Sind sie verständliche?

[Delfino]

Thread: email / letter to a research team leader, PLEASE HELP ME

Hello everyone,
I have to whrite an e-mail (message) or a letter to a group leader, asksing for an interview talk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
research group leader / research team leader

an interview = ein Gespräch / Vorstellungsgespräch
a phone interview = ein telefonisches Gespräch / Vorstellungsgespräch
a talk = ein Vortrag

to talk = reden
to talk to you about [xy] = mit Ihnen / dir über [xy] reden
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you like is this first draft?
What do you think about my first draft?

Dear Mr. [Name],
I am currently studying biology in [Ort] and I'm going to start writing will do my diploma thesis in October. I am very interested in biochemistry, which this is (my major / a major field of my studies).

Beside my During my studies I am also working for / with Prof. Dr. [Name] in the [yz / biochemistry] lab (for about [xyz] terms / semester). I did a couple of optional internships in the [xy / chemistry] labs at [company] too.

Your research theme area is t very interesting and I would be glad like very much to talk to you about it with you concerning your research theme. and the possibilities to write my diploma thesis at your Faculty of [Name/Sciences].

I am available for (an / a phone) interview at any time
and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
[my Name]

What do you think?
Is it ok?

I reviewed your draft. I tried to fix all the little mistakes and
to improve the structure a bit, but there wasn't much content...

Thanks for reading it.

geo

Ich danke euch, ist es denn ansonsten ok?
Ich möchte mir nicht so sehr die Blöße geben...

Sooner or later you will have to talk to him in person or on the phone,
which will give you a chance to show your knowledge about his work / research
and to leave a positive impression...

[GeoTom]

Dankeschön.
Jetzt konnte ich die Mail losschicken.
Bin mal sehr auf die Antwort gespannt. Ich habe das Gefühl ich werde hier öfter vorbeischauen.

Liebe Grüße
georg

[GeoTom]

Hallo, ich habe diese Antwort bekommen:

Hi (Name)

It would be great to meet with you and talk about potential projects - as I understand you are interested in doing a PhD?

I will be in the department until next Friday the 15th (mostly in room (00000), but I have lots of meetings on Monday and Tuesday. Maybe we can meet later in the week?

Kind regards,
(Name)


Wäre diese Antwort ok?

Dear Mr. (Name),
thank you for your fast awnser.
I am not interested in doing a PhD, I want to whrite my diploma thesis.
Wednesday would be great, if you have time. Is 10 o'clock ok for you?

Yours sincerely
(Name)

[Delfino]

Well, the reply you received sounds promising.

I am not interested in doing a PhD ...

You should try a much more polite approach - you want something!


Dear Mr. [Name],

thank you for your fast reply / answer.

I am currently studying in a diploma program at the [xy department] of the [yz university]
{ in [town] }.

Therefore I'm going to write write my diploma thesis
{and not a dissertation for a PhD.}

I look forward to talking with you about potential projects. I have time
on Wednesday next week. We could meet at 10 o'clock or later.
When do you got some {free} time next week?
{And where would you like to meet {me}?

Yours sincerely,
[my Name]


( / ) choose what you like
[ ] replace with your information
{ } optional part

__________________________________________________________
I talked to a a friend of mine, he said:

In Germany an academic thesis is called Abschlussarbeit,
Thesis or the basic name of the degree complemented by
-arbeit (e.g. Diplomarbeit, Masterarbeit). Length is often
given in page count and depends on departments, faculties
and fields of study. A Bachelor thesis is often 40-60 pages,
a Diplom or Master thesis at least 100 pages. The required
submission for the doctorate is called Dissertation instead.

[Delfino]

Well, the reply you received sounds promising.

I am not interested in doing a PhD ...

You should try a much more polite approach - you want something!


Dear Mr. [Name],

thank you for your fast reply / answer.

I am currently studying in a diploma program at
the [xy department] of the [yz university]
{ in [town] }.

Therefore I'm going to write my diploma thesis
{and not a dissertation for a PhD.}

I look forward to talking with you about potential projects. I have
time on Wednesday next week. We could meet at 10 o'clock or later.
When do you got some {free} time next week?
{And where would you like to meet {me}?

Yours sincerely,
[my Name]


( / ) choose what you like
[ ] replace with your information
{ } optional part

__________________________________________________________
I talked to a a friend of mine, he said:

In Germany an academic thesis is called Abschlussarbeit,
Thesis or the basic name of the degree complemented by
-arbeit (e.g. Diplomarbeit, Masterarbeit). Length is often
given in page count and depends on departments, faculties
and fields of study. A Bachelor thesis is often 40-60 pages,
a Diplom or Master thesis at least 100 pages. The required
submission for the doctorate is called Dissertation instead.

[GeoTom]

Dankeschön, was hätte ich nur ohne dieses Forum gemacht.

[Deccius]

Zwei kleine Korrekturen:

Thank you for your fast reply / answer.
...
When do you have some {free} time next week?

"to have got" gehört zur Umgangssprache, deshalb ist das fehl am Platz in diesem formellen Brief.