hallo
könnt ihr mir bei der bewerbung behilflich sein und kurz mal n auge drüber werfen.
ein paar dinge scheinen da etwas "komisch" formuliert zu sein.
as a graduate of a commercial college I am looking for an interesting career entry as Clerk and I am applying to your firm.
In 2007 I attended graduating class at the commercial college in Bregenz within the maturation division. For my professional life I am looking for a job at which I can use my acquired knowledge.
The reason why I am applying to your firm is that I was always interested for areas of freight forwarding and I have the possibility to administrate this profession as Clerk. I'm looking for work as Clerk, because this profession a varied and interesting area and I would like to improve my English skills.
I belong to the type of people who try hard to learn something new, work in a team but also like take to take on tasks which appear to others as a big challenge.
Therefore I am apply for a job in your firm, because I have a great interest in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives me pleasure.
Since I have already graduated, I can see myself starting a working life at 01.03.2009
I await your answer with interest.
bewerbung
-
Delfino
What do you do at the moment?
You've already graduated last year and
you want to start working in March next year.
You should mention all your work experience...
are not sufficient at the moment.
In British English the day is usually put before the month.
If you wish, you can add the ending of the ordinal number.
The preposition of before the month is usually dropped.
You can put a comma before the year, but this is not common
anymore in British English.
Example: 1(th) (of) March(,) 2009
Hint: Get ready to talk in English on the phone!
Dear Sir or Madam,
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz.
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can
use my acquired knowledge (to start my career).
[Now I'm locking for an interesting job as Office Clerk,
where I can use my acquired knowledge to start my career.]
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also
take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest
in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives
me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of
logistics. Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work
as a clerk in your company.
I can start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time
and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
You've already graduated last year and
you want to start working in March next year.
You should mention all your work experience...
Mentioning that can imply that your English skillsI would like to improve my English skills.
are not sufficient at the moment.
In British English the day is usually put before the month.
If you wish, you can add the ending of the ordinal number.
The preposition of before the month is usually dropped.
You can put a comma before the year, but this is not common
anymore in British English.
Example: 1(th) (of) March(,) 2009
Hint: Get ready to talk in English on the phone!
Dear Sir or Madam,
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz.
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can
use my acquired knowledge (to start my career).
[Now I'm locking for an interesting job as Office Clerk,
where I can use my acquired knowledge to start my career.]
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also
take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest
in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives
me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of
logistics. Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work
as a clerk in your company.
I can start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time
and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
-
mark1234
Hello Delfino
First, excuse me that I have talked German.
You are right with the quotation that I unconsciously mentioned "my" English skills are not sufficient.
I used your form of the application and added some other aspects as you can read.
Referring to your tip about the date: It was never my strength to write the date correctly.
I hope you can read the "new" application again. Maybe there are more things in the content which are wrong.
thank you
I am only not sure about the enclosures to mention that it`s in German in brackets.
here, the application:
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz.
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can use my acquired knowledge to start my career.
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of logistics.
Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work as a clerk in your company.
In this way I would also have the chance to expanse my knowledge in English.
Still in this year in the end of August I intend to work as Au-Pair in Mexico.
An area where I can use my Spanish skills.
You can follow my occupational past in my curriculum vitae.
I can start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
Enclosed: curriculum vitae
Report certificate (German)
School-leaving certificate (German)
Confirmations of rhetoric courses (German)
First, excuse me that I have talked German.
You are right with the quotation that I unconsciously mentioned "my" English skills are not sufficient.
I used your form of the application and added some other aspects as you can read.
Referring to your tip about the date: It was never my strength to write the date correctly.
I hope you can read the "new" application again. Maybe there are more things in the content which are wrong.
thank you
I am only not sure about the enclosures to mention that it`s in German in brackets.
here, the application:
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz.
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can use my acquired knowledge to start my career.
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of logistics.
Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work as a clerk in your company.
In this way I would also have the chance to expanse my knowledge in English.
Still in this year in the end of August I intend to work as Au-Pair in Mexico.
An area where I can use my Spanish skills.
You can follow my occupational past in my curriculum vitae.
I can start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
Enclosed: curriculum vitae
Report certificate (German)
School-leaving certificate (German)
Confirmations of rhetoric courses (German)
-
mark1234
-
Delfino
You can not expect that somebody, who is not living in Germany,
is able to understand German or knows what your grades mean.
Therefore you'll need to provide an official English translation of
all the German certificates
which you want to use to demonstrate your skills and knowledge.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz (Germany).
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can
use my acquired knowledge to start my career.
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also
take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest
in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives
me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of
logistics. Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work
in your company.
At the end of August this year I intend to start working
as an Au-Pair in Mexico, where I'll use and increase
my Spanish skills.
Therefore I could start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time
and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
mark1234
Enclosed
is able to understand German or knows what your grades mean.
Therefore you'll need to provide an official English translation of
all the German certificates
which you want to use to demonstrate your skills and knowledge.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I graduated last year at a commercial college in Bregenz (Germany).
Now I am writing to apply for a clerk position, where I can
use my acquired knowledge to start my career.
I'm a person, who likes to work in a team, but I can also
take on responsible tasks myself. I have a great interest
in a variety of activities and dealing with people gives
me pleasure.
I was always interested in the diverse and interesting area of
logistics. Therefore I'd like to have the opportunity to work
in your company.
At the end of August this year I intend to start working
as an Au-Pair in Mexico, where I'll use and increase
my Spanish skills.
Therefore I could start working for you on 1st March 2009.
I am available for a phone interview at any time
and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
mark1234
Enclosed