Text Korrektur - Wäre echt nett

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aerox

Text Korrektur - Wäre echt nett

Beitrag von aerox »

Hallo alle zusammen, ich bin nicht gerade der Beste in Englisch.
Ich hab mich mal hingesetzt und nen Text verfasst. Könnte evtl jmd drüber schauen und die Fehler anstreichen und vielleicht Verbesserungsvorschläge geben... ? Der Text ist vielleicht etwas lang, aber ich muss wissen was ich so falsch mache ;) wäre echt nett....


In the presented scene, taken from the film "Bend it like Beckham", Jessminder gets the results of her exam. The mother is very excited and preys to the holy Guru Nanak and hopes for a positive turned results. But Jessminder's father stands there with folded arms and does not prey. He even does not look at the holy "Guru Nanak". So you can recognize that preying has not any importance for him.
Rather the mother believes in the Guru Nanak and preys always to him, what takes for Jessminder to much time, for this reason she shouts, her mother should hurry up. Afterwards Jessminder opens the letter and gives it her father. He says that the letter has a positive result. After that the mother turns again to the holy "Guru Nanak" and thanks him that Jessminder has passed the exam, but the father looks just a moment to the picture and turns back to Jessminder and tells her, that she has passed the exam. She is not exalted of this message and goes back to her room.
This scene is an important part for Jessminder's life, because she has two ways, she can go.
The first way is to lie to her parents and to play football and to become certainly a professional football player or the second way to make her parents proud and to become an advocate.
It seems Jessminder is not really happy to go the way of an advocate, bacause she goes disappointed and dissatisfied into her room, because of that her dream to be a professional football player cannot come true. She seems very disappointed and follows the way of not disapointing her family.

2)
At the first cut a plane is flying over the house of the Bhamras. The camera range is a medium long shot, because you can see the surroundings and the actions around the house. This cut should introduce the scene, which deals with the conflict.
After the introduction there is used the point-of-view shot. Especially in this case we see the Bhamras from the perspective of the “Guru Nanak”. This has the meaning that he is the one who watches over the family. He is the god for them. In this case “Guru Nanak” is the same for Mrs. Bhamra as Beckham for Jessminder. He is shown as a powerful “person”.
After that when Mrs. Bhamra gives the letter to Jessminder the camera range change to a full shot, which shows the three persons and the actions of them. So the viewer can see how the several people react and how they look.
Afterwards the point of view changes again to the point-of-view shot. We see the three persons again from the eyes of “Guru Nanak”. The mother is now talking to the camera respectively to “Guru Nanak”. This camera range shows us how important the religion is for Mrs. Bhamra, because of the direct communication to the picture.

3)

Football and religion have in general nothing in common, because football is a game and religion is a way to belief. But focused on football fans and players you can see football as a religion. For both aspects you hope that your dream comes true. You go to stadium to watch a game and you usually prey that your team win. The same you do in church, you prey also, but rather for your life or your private matters. For some people religion is a kind to live and at the other side football, too.
Every Sunday going to church, that is a must for some people, but watching every match is also a must for a fan of a team.
So football and religion do not have directly something in common, but they have some actions that people do when they are religious or football fans respectively players.

BFM

Beitrag von BFM »

Ich guck gleich mal, hab aber erstmal n Mitarbeitergespräch was ne Std oder so geht.

ps : Who can give me advices? Wech mit dem s =)

BFM

Beitrag von BFM »

In the presented scene, taken from the film "Bend it like Beckham", Jessminder gets the results of her exam. Hermother is very excited and preys to the holy Guru Nanak and hopes for positive results. But Jessminder's father stands there with folded arms and does not pray. He does not even look at the holy "Guru Nanak". So it is clear that praying is not important to him.
Rather, her mother believes in the Guru Nanak and always prays to him. Jessminder thinks that takes too much time, so she shouts at her mother to hurry up. Afterwards, Jessminder opens the letter and gives it her father (welcher letter ? =)). He says the results are positive. After that, her mother turns to the holy "Guru Nanak" again and thanks him that Jessminder has passed the exam, but her father looks at the picture for just a moment (welches Picture ? Oder meinste letter ?), turns back to Jessminder and tells her that she has passed the exam. She is not exalted of this message and goes back to her room.
This scene is an important part for Jessminder's life, because she has two ways she can go.
The first way is to lie to her parents, play football and make certain to become a professional football player. The second way is to make her parents proud and become an advocate.
It seems Jessminder is not really happy to go the second way, because she goes into her room disappointed and dissatisfied , because her dream to be a professional football player cannot come true. She seems very disappointed and follows the way of not disappointing her family to becoma an advocate.
(bissel viel disappointed hier)

2)
At the first cut a plane is flying over the house of the Bhamras. It is a medium-ranged shot, because you can see the surroundings and what's going on around the house. This cut should introduce the scene, which deals with conflict.
After the introduction, the point-of-view shot is used. Especially in this case we see the Bhamras from the perspective of the “Guru Nanak”. This has the meaning that he is the one who watches over the family. He is the god for them. In this case “Guru Nanak” is the same for Mrs. Bhamra as Beckham for Jessminder. He is shown as a powerful “person”.
After that, when Mrs. Bhamra gives the letter to Jessminder, the camera angle changes to a full shot, which shows the three people and their actions. So the viewer can see how the several people react and how they look.
Afterwards, the camera angle changes again to the point-of-view shot. We see the three people again from the eyes of “Guru Nanak”. The mother is now talking to the camera respectively to “Guru Nanak”. This shot shows us how important the religion is for Mrs. Bhamra, because of the direct communication to her god.

3)

Football and religion in general have nothing in common, because football is a game and religion is a way of belief. But focused on football fans and players you can see football as a religion. For both aspects you hope that your dream comes true. You go to the stadium to watch a game and you usually pray that your team wins. The same you do in church, you also pray , but rather for your life or your private matters. For some people religion is a way to live and at the other side football is, too.
To go to church every sunday, that is a must for some people, but watching every football match is also a must for a fan of a team.
So football and religion do not directly have something in common, but there are some comparable characteristics of religious people and fotoball fans respectively players.


Puh, hat länger gedauert als gedacht.

aerox

Beitrag von aerox »

Supeeeeeer danke dir! Echt nett... dafür dass ich sonst viel mehr fehler mache ist der text n bisschen gelungen ^^

Wie kann ich das am besten trainieren ??? Will einfach besser werden!

übringends : was würdest du mir für ne note geben für meinen sprach stil..., ich hab das gefühl ich schreibe zu, wie soll ich sagen, "anfängerich" ?^^. Und wie kann ich das trainieren^^

BFM

Beitrag von BFM »

Gerne =)

Wie du das am Besten trainieren kannst ? Zeit in nem englischsprachigem Land verbringen ist der schnellste und beste Weg, ist aber nicht immer möglich. Sehr hilfreich sind auch Filme auf englisch anzuschauen, Spiele auf englisch zu spielen etc.

Von unschätzbarem Wert ist es auch, Bücher auf englisch zu lesen. Dadurch erlernst du einen unglaublich großen passiven Wortschatz und lernst dazu noch Satzgefüge, Satzbau und auch Stilformen. Der Anfang dabei mag schwer sein. Ich hab alles genannte gemacht und mach es noch immer.

Für ne Note bräuchte ich allerdings Vergleiche und vor Allem ne Referenz, was man erwarten darf basierend auf Alter, Schule etc blabla. Also kann ich da wirklich keine Note drauf geben. Was auffällt ist natürlich dieser Deutschtouch im Satzbau, verwendete Worte, Zeiten etc.

Wenn du wirklich Lust hast, da besser zu werden, kauf dir mal ein Buch was du schon gelesen hast und magst auf englisch und les das, ggf. mit nem Wörterbuch nebendran. Denke das wärn sehr guter 1. Schritt.