Bewerbung für Ausland

[LadyLU]

Ich schreibe an einer Bewerbung für einen Auslandsaufenthalt, der mir sehr sehr wichtig ist und jap der Inhalt muss schnulzig sein aber die restliche Richtigkeit macht mir echt angst :




I was born and raised in Russia/Altai, where the local situation is different to the Germany’s one. In many east parts is the live harder but the people are hearty. Lot of teenagers in industrial countries have never learned to estimate the prosperity. On the one hand I know that is normal for a child growing up in such society on the other side I think that it’s bad, so I want to use my eventualities for changing something even if there are just little things.
Because of my origin I am very flexible and frank with different traditions and MTV-programs are a good possibility to help people giving you the chance to learn more about the foreign culture and work together with the people supporting them in the everyday live. I would like to see the life of Thais and help the children. Kids are more aboveboard than adults that’s why I loved them and doing handcrafts is my forte so I hope to be able elating them.

[th]

Schau ich mir heut Abend mal an. Andere dürfen natürlich auch

[LadyLU]

ouh danke jetzt bin ich beruhigt hatte schon angst dass der text zu lang ist und keiner lust hat mir zu helfen

[th]

Also inhaltlich ist die Bewerbung nicht ausgereift. Das musst du noch überarbeiten oder dich beraten lassen. Ich hab dir das hier trotzdem in halbwegs gutes Englisch gebracht und auch schon einiges weggelassen, was ich unnötig fand.

I was born and raised in Russia/Altai, where the local situation is different to the Germany’s one.
I was born and raised in Altai, Russia, which is much different than Germany, where I live now.
[Keine Ahnung, ob du "partly raised" schreiben musst, wenn du z.B. nur 10 Jahre dort aufgewachsen bist. Ich glaube es geht auch so]

In many east parts is the live harder but the people are hearty.
Life is harder there than here but the people are hearty and friendly.

Lot of teenagers in industrial countries have never learned to estimate the prosperity.
Many young people in industrial countries now take prosperity for granted which I think is unfortunate.

On the one hand I know that is normal for a child growing up in such society on the other side I think that it’s bad, so I want to use my eventualities for changing something even if there are just little things.
I would like to see this changed and want to work for it, even if change will be slow.

Because of my origin I am very flexible and frank with different traditions and MTV-programs are a good possibility to help people giving you the chance to learn more about the foreign culture and work together with the people supporting them in the everyday live.
Because of my background I would say I am very open to other cultures.
[Was hat MTV damit zu tun und im gleichen Satz? Ich würde das streichen]

I would like to see the life of Thais and help the children. Kids are more aboveboard than adults that’s why I loved them and doing handcrafts is my forte so I hope to be able elating them.
I would like to live among Thai people for some time and want to help children (who I think are more honest than adults, which is why I love them). I am very good at handicrafts and would like to teach them how fun it is.
[den Teil in Klammern würde ich aber steichen und gegen was anderes ersetzen]
I would like to live among Thai people for some time and want to help children because (...)

[tb]

LadyLU - Nicht "Halbwegs" ! Das konnte nicht besser sein! Herzlichen Glückwunsch dazu.

th - Very classy work! You must be a professional resume writer!

There's just one absurdly minor problem: although the construction makes sense, and the meaning is clear, 'hearty' isn't actually a real word. The term 'hardy' is frequently used to describe a people (meaning 'tough' just as it does when it's used to describe plants that thrive through the winter), but that wouldn't work here because coming right after the word 'harder' it would sound extremely awkward - as if it were a play on words. That the people "have heart" appears to be the intent, but unfortunately I can't think of another way to say that which would fit well in this context. Can only suggest going with 'sincere' or some other related quality.

[tb]

Whoops - I should have said "'hearty' isn't actually a real word here". It's a direct conversion of the German word's form, and conveys the same meaning, but it's only used to describe things (and only a very limited number of things), not people. That's unfortunate for the English language. It's obviously a word we need, since there's no synonym for it and no simple way to otherwise express its meaning.

Sorry for mucking things up here. That's a very impressive letter!

[th]

Thanks, tb. I was trying to come up with a substitute myself, actually, because I found this word unusual. I didn't think it shouldn't be used at all in this way though. Maybe she should put warm or open, that's what I can think of now. And yeah.. other than that the letter is probably good enough as it is, I don't know. Reads better to me now than when I posted last night. As for professional resume writer, lol, not even close, but good to know what to resort to if need be, hehe. Nice user name, btw, I wonder what inspired that.

[LadyLU]

Wow thank you Tb and Th it was a great help!!!!! "MTV-programs" thats the name for a special stay abroad, where I would like to take part.

[LadyLU]

noch etwas an ph :

naja das sollte ein "Letter of Motivation" (also nur ein teil der bewerbung die haupsächlich aus knallharten Fakten besteht mit Fragen zur sprachkenntnissen, Fähigkeiten, Erfahrungen) werden mit gründen warum ich teilnehmen möchte und warum ich "nützlich" (mir fällt grade kein anderes wort ein) für das Programm bin. Findest du, dass ich konkreter sagen soll was ich dort machen möchte und warum ich ausgerechnet nach thailand will?

LG LadyLUH

[th]

"MTV-programs" thats the name for a special stay abroad, where I would like to take part.

lol, das sollte dann vielleicht doch mit rein.

Findest du, dass ich konkreter sagen soll was ich dort machen möchte und warum ich ausgerechnet nach thailand will?

Ja, dazu würde ich was schreiben. Schick mir deine fertige Version dann am besten nochmal als PN.