Bin neu hier und brauche Hilfe bei der Kontrolle vom Brief!

[*charleen*]

Hallo,
ich bin wie gesagt heute zum ersten Mal hier und muss wissen ob mein Text richtig ist. Wir sollten einen Beschwerdebrief von einer Mutter an einen Lehrer sein(also ein formelles Schreiben). Jetzt muss ich wissen ob das Vokabular passt und ob die Grammatik auch stimmt.
Schon mal vielen Dank
Charleen

Dear Mr. Jackson,
I was so worried because my son Kevin came home late. After I getting to know the reason why he came to late, I was not pleased. He said that he must cleaned classrooms for two hours with a couple of his friends. I am afraid but in my opinion it was a pedagogically doubtful decision.
The cause why Kevin was punished by you appalled me(entsetzte mich?). A gentlemen recounted(erzählte?) you that my son was purportedly(angeblich?) slightly noisy in the bus. To my mind it is not illicit(verboten?) to communicate sparkish(lebhaft?). Furthermore Kevin missed his costly saxophone education( oder lieber lesson?). Besides I think that you must arrange with parents about such punishments. ( soll heißen: Außerdem müssen sie meiner Meinung nach solche Bestrafungen mit den Eltern abklären).
I ween(hoffe?) my arguments are accept by you. Maybe we can meet us to an clarifying talk ( Vielleicht können wir uns zu einem klärenden Gespräch treffen).
Sincere regards
Mrs. Cooper

[boert]

Dear Mr. Jackson,
I was so worried because my son Kevin came home late.
After I getting to know the reason he had told mewhy he came to late, I was not pleased.
He said that he musthad to/was told to cleaned the classrooms for two hours with a couple of his friends for two hours.
I am afraid but in my opinion it was a pedagogically doubtful decision.
The cause reason why Kevin was punished by you appalled me.

A gentlemen recounted(erzählte?) you Somebody told me that my son was purportedly(angeblich?) allegedly slightly noisy in the bus.

To my mind illicit(verboten?)animated conversation is not prohibited.
Furthermore Kevin missed his costly saxophone education( oder lieber lesson?) lesson.
I think such punishments should be clarfied with the parents.
I hope you see my intention/point.
Maybe we can meet us to an clarifying talk for an one-to-one appointment.

[Was anderes fällt mir für das "klärende Gespräch" grad nicht ein, aber es gibt hier ja Muttersprachler =) *mit dem Zaunpfahl wink*]