English Jokes

[Gast]

A Mistake


A woman new in town receives some flowers and a card that
reads: "Deepest Sympathy". A short time later, the florist
calls and says she is sorry for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's OK. I understand that mistakes can happen," the
woman says. "But it's not OK," replies the florist. "I sent
your card to a funeral party with the words:'Congratulations
on your new location'".


aus Spotlight 2/04


Ulrike ops:

[Gast]

Good Soup :?:


I went to a restaurant in England one day and ordered some soup. When it arrived, it tasted rather strange, so I asked the waiter what kind of soup he had given me. "That's bean soup," the waiter replied, to which I said: " I don't care what it has been - I want to know what it is now."


Spotlight 7/03 .


Ulrike 8)


BTW : Freue mich über eure Einträge :idea:

[Gast]

Habe heute Morgen die neueste Ausgabe "Spotlight" erhalten und gleich einen neuen Witz daraus posten:

Maths wiz

At school, the maths teacher notices that Johnny isn't paying attention in class. "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" she asks. Johnny quickly replies: "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network."


Spotlight 4/04

CU Ulrike

[Bene]

political joke

If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS?

Regards
Bene

[Gast]

Hi Bene,

es freut mich riesig über deinen Beitrag/Joke....nun poste ich hier wenigstens hier nicht mehr alleine.

CU Ulrike

[Bene]

When the window cleaner arrived at the Green's house,
he was stopped in his tracks by a snarling, barking dog.
"Don't be afraid of him," said Mrs. Green "You know the old proverb:
'A barking dog never bites'."
"Sure," said the window cleaner. "You know the old proverb. I know the old proverb. But does your dog know the old proverb?".

regards
Bene

[Bene]

SHOW-OFF Steven: You know Lake Geneva? Well, my dad dug a hole for it.
BOASTFUL BILL: You know the Dead Sea! Well, my dad killed it.

regards
Bene

PS at all readers: Where is your joke :?:

[George]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

CU
George

[Gast]

Hallo Bene,

es freut uns, dass du dieses Forum so unterstützt.


CU Ulrike 8)

[Bene]

Hello Ulrike!

I can't understand why there aren't more people in this forum who participate in. It's a great and free opportunity. I think it's admirable that you and the other moderators spend so much time and energy to help people who want to improve their English.

Here's another joke:

Teacher:''Can you say your name backwards,Simon?''
Simon:''No,,Mis''

regards
Bene

[Gast]

Hi Bene,

yes, you're quite right. We both do spend a lot of time on writing lists and exercises, and only a few users state their feedback for them, while the others just keep on printing all that good stuff.

CU Ulrike

[Gast]

Three boys are discussing how wonderful their fathers are.
The first one says: "My father runs the fastest. he can shoot an arrow and start to run, and I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second one says:"Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can fire his gun and be there before the bullet."
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head:"You two don't know what fast is. My father's a civil servant. He finishes work at 4.30 and he's home by 3.45."


CU Ulrike

[Gast]

A film crew was on location in the desert. One day, an old Indian told the director it would rain, and sure enough, it rained the next day.
A week later, the Indian said, it would storm, and it stormed the next day.
"This Indian is unbelieveable," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't come back for two weeks.
The director went looking for him, and when he found him, he said:
" I have to film a big scene tomorrow. What is the weather going to be like?" The Indian said:" I don't know. My radio is broken."


CU Ulrike

[Bene]

Teacher: John. Give me a sentence beginning with 'I'.
John: I is the...
Teacher: No, John. You must say "I am" not "I is."
John: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

------

Mum, I don't want to go to school. The teachers hate me and so do the kids. Is it all right if I stay in bed today?

Mother:
No son, I'm afraid, you have got to go. After all, you are the headmaster.

regards
Bene

[Gast]

Hi Bene,

I think you really like jokes, don't you? Thank you for all of your statements.

I'm not good at telling jokes , only writing them down.


CU Ulrike