The first man - looking out of the windows - says: "I wish I were a bird, so I could fly!"
The second man says: "I wish I were two birds, so I could fly behind myself!"
The third man says: "I wish I were three birds, so I could watch myself flying behind myself!"
One patient in the madhouse:
"I'm so depressed! Yesterday I was Napoleon, today I am nothing!"
A psychiatrist to his patient:
How long do you believe you are a prince?
- Just since I have stopped beeing a frog!
and now the best one:
[In a psychiatrist's waiting room]
One patient acts like he was Tarzan. A woman asks: "Who has said that you were Tarzan??"
The patient replies: "god!"
Another patient jumps up: WHAT HAVE I SAID??
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
