Bitte um Korrektur

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miela

Bitte um Korrektur

Beitrag von miela »

Hallo kann hier mal jemand drüber lesen und /  oder Tipps zur Verbesserung geben?
Danke :-)

Imagine you had an accident last week. Tell a friend about it. Write 120–150
words. (Stellen Sie sich vor, Sie hatten letzte Woche einen Unfall. Berichten Sie
einem Freund darüber. Schreiben Sie 120–150 Wörter.)

Last week i had an accident. It was terrible. A truck drove into my car. I tried to brake but it was to late i couldn´t do anything.  I heard a  bang and than, nothing. It was quit. I looked arround. I could move my arms and legs i thought i was okay. I went out of my car. I saw the other driver and asked hin if he didn´t see me? He didn´t  give me an answer. I was shoked. A lot of people saw us and drove away. No one stopped. Noone asked about helping. I called the police because i was scared. The came and asked me if i was hurting. I didn´t know that. They called a ambulance. They brought me in a hospital.  I wasn´t okay. I had an traumatic brain injury. 

Duckduck (Contributor)

Re: Bitte um Korrektur

Beitrag von Duckduck (Contributor) »

miela hat geschrieben: Hallo kann hier mal jemand drüber lesen und /  oder Tipps zur Verbesserung geben? Hi miela, das mache ich gerne!
Danke :-)

Imagine you had an accident last week. Tell a friend about it. Write 120–150
words. (Stellen Sie sich vor, Sie hatten letzte Woche einen Unfall. Berichten Sie
einem Freund darüber. Schreiben Sie 120–150 Wörter.)

Last week I had an accident. It was terrible. A truck drove (head on) into my car / hit my car / crashed into my car.
I tried to brake but it was too late - I couldn´t do anything. 
I heard a bang and then, nothing. Everything was quiet. I looked arround, moving my head very slowly.
Then I tried to move my arms and legs, they seemed to work fine, so I thought I was okay.
I got out of my car. The front end was a complete mess.
The truckdriver had got out of his truck too and I saw the other driver and asked him if he hadn't seen me.
He didn't give me an answer. I was in shock and so was he, I imagine.
A lot of people saw us and drove by. No one stopped. No one asked if we needed any help.
I called the police because I was scared. They came and asked me if I was hurt. I didn´t know that. They called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospitalIt turned out I wasn't okay. I had an traumatic brain injury. 

So, miela. Insgesamt gut gemacht, aber die Farbigkeit zeigt doch: da ist noch ein bisschen Luft nach oben.  :)
Einige Anmerkungen:
- "I" wird immer groß geschrieben.
- "zu" vor einem Adjektiv wird "too".
- "than" heißt "als" und kommt nur bei Vergleichen vor (Pete is bigger than Tom.). "dann / danach" ist "then".
- "...I asked him if he hadn't seen me." -> Past Perfect ist hier nötig, weil es sich um indirekte Rede handelt und die Zeitform um eine Stufe in die Vergangenheit gerückt werden muss (backshift).
Grüße
Duckduck

miela

Re: Bitte um Korrektur

Beitrag von miela »

Danke für deine schnelle Hilfe