Korrektur eines Personal Statements

[192837465]

Das ist mein erstes englischsprachiges Personal Statement und ich bin mir sehr unsicher. Welche Fehler habe ich gemacht, was hätte ich (wie) besser formulieren können?
Im Vorraus, vielen Dank für die Antworten 
PS: Nicht wundern, es ist nur ein sehr kurzer Text gefragt.
Text:

For years now i have been fascinated by economics, especially by finance.

At first, i started tracking the business news, hourly. Then i began reading specialist books and publications by university professors. Furthermore i opened a share deposit with my pocket money, participated at stock exchange games and had an internship in a local investmentbank’s treasury.


I am seeking for new opportunities to discuss economics and business issues with other highly motivated students from all around the globe and I believe that I will gain a highly marketable set of skills and a lot of new experiences from studying economics at *****

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Das ist mein erstes englischsprachiges Personal Statement und ich bin mir sehr unsicher. Welche Fehler habe ich gemacht, was hätte ich (wie) besser formulieren können?
Im Vorraus, vielen Dank für die Antworten 
PS: Nicht wundern, es ist nur ein sehr kurzer Text gefragt.
Text:

For years now I have been fascinated by economics, especially by finance.

At first, I started tracking the business news, hourly. Then I began reading specialist books and publications by university professors. Furthermore I opened a share deposit account using my pocket money, participated in stock exchange games and had an internship in a local investment bank’s treasury.

I am seeking for new opportunities to discuss economics and business issues with other highly motivated students from all around the globe and I believe that I will gain a highly marketable set of skills and a lot of new experiences from studying economics at *****

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hallo Ihr Beiden, willkommen im Forum Du Zahlenfreund und besondere Grüße an KESWICK!!!!
Ich habe bei einer der Formulierungen so ein klitzekleines Zweifelchen, oder zumindest das Gefühl, es ginge anders vielleicht besser.... 

Das ist mein erstes englischsprachiges Personal Statement und ich bin mir sehr unsicher. Welche Fehler habe ich gemacht, was hätte ich (wie) besser formulieren können?
Im Vorraus, vielen Dank für die Antworten 
PS: Nicht wundern, es ist nur ein sehr kurzer Text gefragt.
Text:

For years now I have been fascinated by economics, especially by finance.

At first, I started tracking the business news, hourly. Then I began reading specialist books and publications by university professors. Furthermore I opened a share deposit account using my pocket money, participated in stock exchange games and did/made an internship in a local investment bank’s treasury.

I am seeking for new opportunities to discuss economics and business issues with other highly motivated students from all around the globe and I believe that I will gain a highly marketable set of skills and a lot of new experiences from studying economics at *****

Liebe Grüße
Duckduck

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Hallo liebe Duckduck!!

Ein Praktikum machen uebersetzt man mit "to do an internship". Alternativ koennte man hier vielleicht schreiben: [...] and was an intern in a local [...] ?

[constantin]

Hi. Ich mache mal einen Vorschlag zum folgenden Abschnitt:
At first, I started tracking the business news, hourly. Then I began reading specialist books and publications by university professors. Furthermore I opened a share deposit account using my pocket money, participated in stock exchange games and had an internship in a local investment bank’s treasury.

Meine Idee ist folgende: 
I made my first little steps in the business world with tracking the business news. After many hours I got the desire to know more about economy and finance markets, so I started to extend my knowledge about these subjects. I have read a lot of publications such as economy-related books by recognized finance specialists. I also made my first hand-on experiences. For instance, I completed successfully an internship at a local investment bank.  

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Hi. Ich mache mal einen Vorschlag zum folgenden Abschnitt:
At first, I started tracking the business news, hourly. Then I began reading specialist books and publications by university professors. Furthermore I opened a share deposit account using my pocket money, participated in stock exchange games and had an internship in a local investment bank’s treasury.

Meine Idee ist folgende: 
I made my first little steps in the business world by tracking the business news. This lead to wanting to know more about economy and finance markets, so I started to extend my knowledge about these subjects. I have read a lot of publications such as economy-related books by recognized finance specialists. I also made my first hand-on experiences. For instance, I successfully completed an internship at a local investment bank.