Korrektur für mein Cover Letter

[Aiperi]

Hallo liebe Leute,
ich bewerbe mich gerade für ein Praktikum und deswegen brauche ich euren Rat. Vielen Dank im Voraus!


Application for an internship

 

Dear Sir or Madame,

I have pleasure in applying for the advertised position on the website of ......... As an enthusiastic and hard-working student of the B.A program in Asian Studies and Management at the University of Applied Sciences in beautiful ............................., I am particularly interested in this vacancy.

I am originally from a mountainous country in the middle of Asia, Kyrgyzstan. My mother tongue is Kyrgyz language and I speak fluently Russian language. After living in Germany for 7 years I have good speaking and writing skills in German language. Besides, I am quick to pick up new skills and am highly adaptable and comfortable working both as part of a team and on my own initiative.

I have already completed four semesters of the B.A program in Asian Studies and Management in which I had the chance to gain valuable knowledge in the field of business, culture, and Chinese language. The B.A. program in Asian Studies and Management is an interdisciplinary course located at the interface of business, culture and language. The goal – and distinctive conceptual feature of the program – is to relate the elements of the course to each other beyond the narrow confines of the constituent disciplines in order to take account of the complexity of international management.

The learning of Chinese and business English is application-oriented, which allows me to be in direct contact with customers. The business administration content of the course deals with the main tools of management and covers management decisions in the core and support processes of business. The area studies part of the course deals with the cultural and sociological foundations of the Chinese area of focus.

At the moment I am studying at the ............................as a part of my university course in order to improve my Chinese language skills. As a requirement of my degree I am going to take an internship after this theory semester at the XISU. Therefore, I am keen to put my acquired knowledge in practice and expand it. My planned theory semester will be completed in July 2016, therefore, I would be available to begin an internship as early as the 1st of August.

I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss how my knowledge will be beneficial to your organization’s success.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

[Alyssea]

Dear Sir or Madame,

It is my pleasure to apply for the advertised position on the website of ......... As an enthusiastic and hard-working student of the B.A. program in Asian Studies and Management at the University of Applied Sciences in beautiful ............................., I am particularly interested in this vacancy.

I am originally from a mountainous country in the middle of Kyrgyzstan, Asia. My mother tongue is Kyrgyz, and I speak Russian fluently. After living in Germany for 7 years, I have good speaking and writing skills in German, as well. I am quick to pick up new skills and am highly adaptable and comfortable working both as part of a team and on my own initiative. 

I have already completed four semesters of the B.A. program in Asian Studies and Management, in which I had the chance to gain valuable knowledge in the fields of business, culture, and Chinese language. This B.A. program is an interdisciplinary course located at the interface of business, culture, and language. The goal – and distinctive conceptual feature of the program – is to relate the elements of the course to each other beyond the narrow confines of the constituent disciplines in order to take account of the complexity of international management.

The learning of Chinese and business English is application-oriented, which allows me to be in direct contact with customers. The business administration content of the course deals with the main tools of management and covers management decisions in the core and support processes of business. The area studies part of the course deals with the cultural and sociological foundations of the Chinese area of focus.

At the moment, I am studying at the ............................as a part of my university course in order to improve my Chinese language skills. As a requirement for my degree, I am going to take an internship after this theory semester at the XISU. Therefore, I am keen to put my acquired knowledge in practice and expand it. My planned theory semester will be completed in July 2016, thus I would be available to begin an internship as early as the 1st of August.

I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss how my knowledge will be beneficial to your organization’s success.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Wow, five languages. Impressive. 

You used the Oxford comma yourself in "business, culture, and Chinese language," but omitted it later on in that paragraph in "business, culture and language" (I added it in as a suggestion). Obviously either way is grammatically correct, but you should stick to one or the other, at least within a single paper. I'm personally a fan of it in all cases since it adds clarity. 

[Aiperi]

谢谢 你 Alyssea! Thank you very much!

[Schuyler]

One thing:

I am originally from a mountainous country in the middle of Asia, known as Kyrgyzstan.

You could also keep your original sentence, but you would have to change the comma to a colon: "I am originally from a mountainous country in the middle of Asia: Kyrgyzstan." The original was incorrect only because a comma is too weak for the necessary pause. Otherwise, everything looks good!

And wow, applause from me, too, for your work with all those languages!