Essay Preparation (TOEFL)

[Viento]

Dear all,
my goal is to apply for a top MBA program in a few years. But it will be a long
way to achieve that goal. 
My greatest weakness is my english and I have to improve it a lot. I need a 105+ Toefl for the application and that´s very tough for me.
But I will start to improve my english today and I hope you can help me.
So please correct my "bad"  essays and help me to achieve my goals

I needed almost 45 minutes for that essay
Essay #1: Why do people attend college or university?

At first people can go to college or university due to a lot of reasons.
Actually a college or university are places where people can learn new or more knowledge about
a specific topic they choose, for example business or engineering.
Most people choose those courses/ topics in which they want to work later.

In my opinion people attend to college or university mainly due to three reasons.

One of the reasons is that education is and will be the most valuable asset a person can have. 
In college or university courses are often professors or teachers who teaches students a lot of new knowledge and help them to solve problems. Often they help them to solve practical problems, for example in case studies, what is very important for their future career. 
A good education leads mostly automatically to good jobs and high reputation. 
This in turn leads to self-realization and happiness. 


The second point is that people can learn to be more independent. 
Before they attended to college their life had been arranged by their parents or the study structure had been organized by their teachers. In college the students have to arrange these things themselves. 
They have to learn how to organize their learning material or they have to learn efficient time management in order to be able to get good grades.
Thats also very important for students future work and life.

The last point is the social impact.
Students can interact with other students.
In study groups they can learn from each other and can improve their teamwork and social skills.
Often you will find a lot of different people with the most diverse cultures. To cooperate and interact with people from other countries can also be a challenge which should be learned before students start in their business life.

All in all, students can not only learn theoretical things in college or university.
They can also learn how to being on their own and they learn how to cooperate with other people
and other cultures.


Thank you very much

[Alyssea]

Dear all,
my goal is to apply for a top MBA program in a few years. But it will be a long
way to achieve that goal. 
My greatest weakness is my English, and I have to improve it a lot. I need a 105+ Toefl for the application, and that´s very tough for me.
But I will start to improve my English today, and I hope you can help me.
So please correct my "bad"  essays and help me to achieve my goals

I needed almost 45 minutes for this essay

Essay #1: Why do people attend college or university?

At first, it may seem like people go to college or university for many reasons.
Colleges and universities are places where people can expand their knowledge about
a specific topic they choose, such as business or engineering.
Most people choose the courses/topics that they want to work in later in life.

In my opinion, people attend college or university mainly due to three reasons.

One of the reasons is that education is and will be the most valuable asset a person can have. 
In college and university courses, there are often very good professors who increase students' knowledge and help them to solve problems. Often, they help students ("they" help "them" is ambiguous) with practical problems like case studies, which are very important for their future career. 
A good education usually automatically leads to good jobs and a high reputation. 
This, in turn, leads to self-realization and happiness. 


The second point is that people can learn to be more independent. 
Before they attend college, most people's lives are arranged by their parents or the study structure organized by their teachers. In college, the students have to manage these things themselves. 
They have to learn how to organize their learning material and they have to learn efficient time management in order to be able to achieve good grades.
This is also very important for students' future work and life.

The last point is the social impact college has.
Students get to interact with other students.
In study groups, they can learn from each other and improve their teamwork and social skills.
Often, you will find a lot of different people who come from diverse cultures. Cooperating and interacting with people from other countries can also be a challenge, which should be learned before students start their business life.

All in all, students do not only learn theoretical things in college or university.
They also learn how to be on their own and how to cooperate with other people
and cultures.


Thank you very much