Diary Entry korrigieren

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crina_00

Diary Entry korrigieren

Beitrag von crina_00 »

Hallo;),
Ich schreibe am Freitag eine Englischarbeit über das Thema Environment Pollution. Da im Bereich creative writing sehr wahrscheinlich ein Diary Entry verfasst werden muss, sollen wir als Vorbereitung einen Tagebucheintrag aus der Sicht einer Plastiktüte schreiben. Auch wenn ich keine Ahnung habe, was eine Plastiktüte so denken und erleben könnte :lol:, habe ich den Eintrag mal geschrieben und fände es toll, wenn jemand ihn sich vllt kurz durchlesen und korrigieren/verbessern könnte. 
Vielen Dank:)

Dear Diary,

Today was such an exciting day for me that I really have to report on my experiences. I left the waste dump! As you already know, I lived here for many decades and I really had a bellyful of my dirty and harmful environment deriving from all the plastic waste. Until today, I often felt lonely and desperate but I was too exhausted to help myself. My biggest wish was to leave the dump at least for one day! Today my dream became reality. This morning, a few workers came and loaded me and all the rusty flat irons and old washing machines on a big transporter. During the drive I wasn’t able to see something and I have to admit that I was afraid of my new environment. Fortunately the drive took only some minutes and we arrived quickly. While one man was opening the hatch, I felt so nervous like I’ve never been before. Suddenly he packed me and threw me away. I was petrified that I will not survive the fall and I started to cry. At this moment I felt something very special. Firstly I wasn’t able to place this feeling but after some seconds, I got it! I was in the Ocean and I was swimming! This was the happiest and greatest moment of my whole life. Between all the other electric devices sinking because of their heavy weight, I felt so free and inexorable. Exploiting my new freedom, I swam and explored my new area of life. I saw fishes in variegated colors, sea plants in amazing forms and puddles that glittered in the sunlight. But after the first awesome moments I had to recognize that they weren’t happy. They appear ill and their facial expressions didn’t show any lust for life. I feared that it is the dept of all the other plastic waste swimming in the ocean like me. One dolphin was looking at me and asked: “Why are you still swimming here? You can kill me directly!” Now I am feeling so guilty. I don’t want to damage these animals and I know that it would be better to return to the waste dump. But even if I decided to return, I don’t know how. Without human help, I’m not able to leave the water and I feared that the humans don’t care about the animal’s life. For these reasons I’m so broken hearted, that I wished I would never have left my dump, although it was the most wonderful day of my life.

Schuyler

Re: Diary Entry korrigieren

Beitrag von Schuyler »

Dear Diary,

Today was such an exciting day for me that I really have to report on my experiences. I have left the waste dump! As you already know, I had been living there for many decades, and I really had had enough of my dirty and harmful environment deriving from all the plastic waste. Until today, I often felt lonely and desperate, but I was too exhausted to help myself. My biggest wish was to leave the dump for at least one day! Today my dream became reality. This morning, a few workers came and loaded me and all the rusty flat irons and old washing machines onto a big transporter. [Welche Art von "transporter?" Ich würde eher einen genaueren Wort benutzen, z.B. "lorry"/"truck".] During the drive, I wasn’t able to see anything, and I have to admit that I was afraid of my new environment. Fortunately, the drive took only some a few minutes, and we arrived quickly. As one man opened the hatch, I felt more nervous than I had ever been before. Suddenly he packed me [Meinst du "picked me up," nicht "packed?"] and threw me away. I was petrified that I would not survive the fall, and I started to cry. At that moment, I felt something very special. At first, I wasn’t able to place the feeling, but after a few seconds, I got it! I was in the ocean, and I was swimming! That was the happiest and greatest moment of my whole life. Next to all the other electric devices sinking because of their heavy weight, I felt so free and inexorable [Was meinst du mit damit?]. Exploiting my new freedom, I swam and explored my new environment. I saw fishes in variegated [Würde vielleicht eher sagen: "various." "Variegated" ist etwas ungewöhnlich.] colors, sea plants in amazing forms and puddles that glittered in the sunlight. But after the first awesome moments, I realized that the animals weren’t happy. They appeared ill, and their facial expressions showed no lust for life. I feared that it was the fault of all the plastic waste swimming in the ocean like me. One dolphin looked at me and asked: “Why are you still swimming here? You could easily kill me directly!” Now I feel so guilty. I don’t want to hurt [Man kann nur unbelebten Objekten "damage." Bei Tieren muss es "hurt" oder "injure" sein.] these animals, and I know that it would be better to return to the waste dump. But even if I decided to return, I wouldn't know how. Without help from humans, I’m not able to leave the water, and I fear that the humans don’t care about the lives of the animals. For these reasons, I’m so brokenhearted [kein Komma] that I wish I had never left my dump, although it was the most wonderful day of my life.

Duckduck (Contributor)

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Beitrag von Duckduck (Contributor) »

Hi crina_00,

nur eben schnell: von mir gibt es 78.000.000.000 Doppelpunkte für diesen einfühlsamen Plastiktütenmonolog und pure nette Phantasie!

Well done! :freu:
Grüße
Duckduck

Alyssea

Re: Diary Entry korrigieren

Beitrag von Alyssea »

Schuyler hat geschrieben:
Exploiting my new freedom, I swam and explored my new environment. I saw fishes in variegated [Würde vielleicht eher sagen: "various." "Variegated" ist etwas ungewöhnlich.] colors, sea plants in amazing forms and puddles that glittered in the sunlight. 
I actually like "variegated" there. It is uncommon enough that I looked up the definition, but I'd say it fits quite well for describing a variety of species of fish. 

goodox

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Beitrag von goodox »

In wich grade are you?

Alyssea

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Beitrag von Alyssea »

goodox hat geschrieben:Which grade are you in?