Verkehrsunfall

[Angie1986]

Hallo, wäre nett, wenn da einer mal drüber schauen könnte und korrigieren könnte.
Mein Englisch ist echt bescheiden, also schonmal sorry für die ganzen Fehler.

I had a terrible accident last week . I drove too fast in a curve . My car spun several times and my head banged against the window pane . Then my car crashed into a fence and landed in the ditch . I was totally in shock . I was not unconscious, but blood seeped out of my head . I felt no pain . That was probably because of the shock . I tried to open the passenger door , but it did not go on . I tried not at all the other doors , because I did not know whether I had internal injuries from the impact . Then, after what felt like an eternity drove past a car , it was a non- busy road . I honked and turned on the light mark , but it drove past . My panic grew . My life was in a reverse loop . I remembered my whole life and what I had experienced and felt gratitude . Because another car drove past and came to a halt . Two people got out. A man hung on his cell phone and spoke very loud , the woman rushed to me and held my hand through the ruined window . She said to me , I must not fall asleep . She was very loving. Then came what felt like hours of ambulances, police and fire departments . The emergency doctor gave me an injection and firefighters Brechte the door . After that I could remember nothing more . I was flown to the nearest hospital by helicopter . The first time in a helicopter and I got nothing . I was very lucky that I caught only a fence and no tree . My left side of the head had to be stitched . The scar will always remind me to appreciate life and carefully deal with it.

[Schuyler]

I had a terrible accident last week when I drove too fast around a curve. My car spun several times, and my head banged against the window pane. Then my car crashed into a fence and landed in the ditch. I was totally in shock and not unconscious, but blood seeped out of an injury on my head. I felt no pain, which was probably because of the shock. I tried to open the passenger door, but it did not work. I did not try the other doors at all because I did not know if I had internal injuries from the impact. Then, after what felt like an eternity, a car drove past; it was not a busy road. I honked and turned on my headlights, but the car drove past. My panic grew, and my life felt as though it were in a reverse loop. I remembered my whole life and what I had experienced and felt gratitude because another car drove past and came to a halt. Two people got out. The man got on his cell phone and spoke very loudly, while the woman rushed to me and held my hand through the ruined window. She told me that I must not fall asleep. She was very loving. Then came what felt like hours of ambulances, police cars and fire engines. The emergency doctor gave me an injection, and firefighters broke the door. After that, I could remember nothing more. I was flown to the nearest hospital by helicopter. The first time in a helicopter and I could remember none of it. I was very lucky that I hit only a fence and no tree. The left side of my head had to be stitched. The scar will always remind me to appreciate life and handle it carefully.

Wie du siehst, machst du eigentlich nicht so viele große Fehler. Dein Schreibstil liest sich aber nicht sehr flüssig, denn deine Sätze sind alle kurz und du nutzt immer die gleiche grundlegende "Subjekt-Verb-Objekt" Formulierung mit nur wenig Abwechslung.

Für den Anfang könntest du mehr Konjunktionen einsetzen, um einige dieser Sätzen zu verbinden. Zum Beispiel, anstatt "I had a terrible accident last week. I drove too fast around a curve," könntest du sagen: "I had an accident last week when [oder because, as, after, usw.] I drove too fast around a curve." Ich habe ein paar andere Vorschläge geschrieben und sie unterstrichen. Vielleicht möchtest du es selbst versuchen, deine Geschichte mit diesem Rat im Hinterkopf zu verbessern?

Außerdem muss ich fragen, warum du ein Leerzeichen vor jeden Satzzeichen setzt? Du machst das nicht, wenn du auf Deutsch schreibst, also musst du sicherlich schon wissen, dass es nicht korrekt ist.

[tiorthan]

Vielleicht möchtest du es selbst versuchen, deine Geschichte mit diesem Rat im Hinterkopf zu verbessern?

Außerdem muss ich fragen, warum du ein Leerzeichen vor jedem Satzzeichen setzt? Du machst das nicht, wenn du auf Deutsch schreibst, also musst du sicherlich schon wissen, dass es nicht korrekt ist.

Diese beiden.