Vorstellungstext

Sätze und kurze Texte, die korrigiert wurden
makrele

Vorstellungstext

Beitrag von makrele »

Hallo ihr lieben, 
ich soll ein Text über mich anfertigen und habe den soweit nun auch einigermaßen fertig bekommen, allerdings ist meine Grammatik was englisch angeht eine Katastrophe, würde mich freuen wenn sich dass jemand durchlesen könnte.
Vielen lieben Dank :) 
Current job: i am currently doing a vocational training for property management in a company with almost 300 employees. The first three months I worked in the customer service department and have looked after tenant complaints, rented and offered appartments.
Age and family: 1992 I moved with my sister and my mother from Russia to Hamburg. Today I am 25 years old, my sister is 36, has three children and my mother is 58 years old and they still live in Hamburg. 2009 I moved away from Hamburg and now i live with my boyfriend in Berlin in Charlottenburg.
Home: we live in Berlin Charlottenburg in a small 2 room appartment with almost 40 square meters. The appartment is a little bit small, but the location is really great. Zoologischer Garten is just a 3 minutes walk away and we have a lot of shopping and restaurant options around here. It’s very comfortable to live just a few minutes from so many differend spots away.
Vacations: I love to travel. This year I have been to Thailand with my boyfriend for 4 weeks. we hiked through the jungle and had a scuba diving course in Koh Tao. During the scuba diving course we have seen so many colorful, and different fishes and also small sharks. That was a great experience. Next year we will fly to New York on February and in the winter time to Indonesia so we will dive again.
Working hours: my daily working hours are between 8 and 10 hours. It also contains a break from 30 to 45 minutes. mostly I'm at 7.15 pm at the office and work until 17:30, so I'm doing overtime. if I work longer from Monday to Thursday, I can finish work on Friday already by 12 clock.
Reasons for chosing this job: a real estate agent, I have a lot of possibilities. Moreover, I find the customer contact is very important in everyday job. I like the mixture of office work and field service. habitation is also a basic need and will exist in the next 50 years.
Favorite part of my job: I love to be on appointments with clients in the different areas where Gesobau has his appartments and visit our tenants. The difference between the field and office work is the perfect variety for me.
Language: My mother comes from Russia so I can speak German, Russian and English. Next year I would like to learn Spanish.
Main interests in my sparetime: In my spare time I like to meet my friends in cafes, outdoors or in bars. I also like to go with my friend for a walk outside and to discover new spots in Berlin. We want to buy a dog and spend with him a lot of time and take him for a walk. Every Tuesday I go to a jazz dance course with a girlfriend of mine We do that for many years.
Main priorities in my life: My priorities in life are very basic: happiness, tranquility, and peace. I am a 25-year-old woman who has done many things in her life, from traveling 2 years through the world, to dive 18 meters deep. In the midst of all that, I had a wonderful family and the best boyfriend i ever had. I have gone through trials and tribulations all my life, I think it will go on. But i love new experiences and adventures. And with the best people around me it will get a wonderful journey.
Ideal job:I believe that I find my perfect job. Every morning I wake up and I am looking forward to every new business day because i make everytime new experiences. Of course I do not know what else will happen to me in the job, but if it's half as good as it has begun, I can imagine that this is the job that will make me happy for my professional life.

Schuyler

Re: Vorstellungstext

Beitrag von Schuyler »

Current job: I* am currently doing a vocational training for property management in a company with almost 300 employees. The first three months I worked in the customer service department and have looked after tenant complaints and rented and offered apartments.

Age and family: In 1992, I moved with my sister and my mother from Russia to Hamburg. Now I am 25 years old, my sister is 36 and has three children, and my mother is 58 years old. They still live in Hamburg. In 2009, I moved away from Hamburg, and now I live with my boyfriend in Charlottenburg, Berlin.

Home: We live in Charlottenburg, Berlin in a small 2-room apartment that measures almost 40 square meters. The apartment is a little bit small, but the location is really great. Zoologischer Garten is just a 3-minute walk away, and we have a lot of shopping and restaurant options around here. It’s very comfortable to live just a few minutes from so many different spots away.

Vacations: I love to travel. This year I went to Thailand with my boyfriend for 4 weeks. We hiked through the jungle and had a scuba diving course in Koh Tao. During the scuba diving course, we saw so many colorful, different fishes and also small sharks. That was a great experience. Next year we will fly to New York in February, and in the winter time we will go to Indonesia so we will dive again.

Working hours: My daily work schedule lasts between 8 and 10 hours. It also contains a break of 30 to 45 minutes. Usually I'm at the office at 7.15 PM and work until 17:30, so I'm doing overtime. If I work longer from Monday through Thursday, I can already be finished with work on Friday by 12 o'clock.

Reasons for choosing this job: As a real estate agent, I have a lot of possibilities. Moreover, I find the customer contact is very important in my everyday job. I like the mixture of office work and field service. Finding a place to live is also a basic need that will continue to exist for years to come. [Denn Menschen werden immer einen Wohnort brauchen, klingt es ein wenig merkwürdig, "50 years" genau zu sagen. Oder könnte es sein, ich habe dich falsch verstanden?]

Favorite part of my job: I love to have appointments with clients in the different areas where Gesobau has his apartments and visit our tenants. The difference between the field and office work is the perfect contrast for me.

Language: My mother comes from Russia, so I can speak German, Russian and English. Next year I would like to learn Spanish.

Main interests in my spare time: In my spare time, I like to meet with my friends in cafes, outdoors, or in bars. I also like to go for walks outside with my boyfriend[?] and to discover new spots in Berlin. We want to buy a dog, spend a lot of time with it**, and take it for walks. Every Tuesday I go to a jazz dance course with a girlfriend of mine. We have been doing that for many years.

Main priorities in my life: My priorities in life are very basic: happiness, tranquility, and peace. I am a 25-year-old woman who has done many things in her life, from traveling 2 years around the world to diving 18 meters deep below the ocean. In the midst of all that, I have a wonderful family and the best boyfriend I have ever had. I have gone through trials and tribulations all my life, and I think it will go on. But I love new experiences and adventures, and with the best people around me, it will be a wonderful journey.


Ideal job: I believe that I have found my perfect job. Every morning I wake up and I am looking forward to every new business day because I have new experiences every time. Of course I do not know what else will happen to me in this job, but if it's half as good as how it began, I can imagine that this is the job that will make me happy for the rest of my professional life.
[sup]Rot = Ich korrigiere einen Fehler.
Grün = Ich mache einen Vorschlag, um den Satz zu verbessern, aber das was du geschrieben hast ist nicht unbedingt falsch.[/sup]

*Vergiß es nicht, auf die Regeln der Großschreibung zu achten. Der erste Buchstabe des Satzes, das Personalpronomen "I," alle Eigennamen, usw. werden im Englischen jedes Mal groß geschrieben.

**"He / Him" zu sagen wenn das Geschlecht unbekannt ist (bei Tiere ebenso wie bei Menschen) ist nicht falsch, hört sich aber heutzutage altmodisch oder sogar sexistisch an. Man sagt eher "they / them" oder "he or she / him or her" bei Menschen und "it" (manchmal auch: "they / them") bei Tiere.



Vertrau auf deine Fähigkeiten! Dein Englisch ist doch wirklich gut, einschließlich der Grammatik. Es sieht vielleicht aus, dass es eine Menge Fehler gibt, aber die meisten sind einfach nur Kleinigkeiten. :)

tiorthan

Re: Vorstellungstext

Beitrag von tiorthan »

Drei Kleinigkeiten
Schuyler hat geschrieben: *Vergiß es nicht, auf die Regeln der Großschreibung zu achten. Der erste Buchstabe des Satzes, das Personalpronomen "I," alle Eigennamen, usw. werden im Englischen jedes Mal groß geschrieben.

**"He / Him" zu sagen wenn das Geschlecht unbekannt ist (bei Tieren ebenso wie bei Menschen) ist nicht falsch, hört sich aber heutzutage altmodisch oder sogar sexistisch an. Man sagt eher "they / them" oder "he or she / him or her" bei Menschen und "it" (manchmal auch: "they / them") bei Tieren.



Vertrau auf deine Fähigkeiten! Dein Englisch ist doch wirklich gut, einschließlich der Grammatik. Es sieht vielleicht aus, als ob es eine Menge Fehler gibt, aber die meisten sind einfach nur Kleinigkeiten. :)