Cover Letter Korrigieren - ich bräuchte für meine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum dringend Hilfe

Sätze und kurze Texte, die korrigiert wurden
Anna-Lisa

Cover Letter Korrigieren - ich bräuchte für meine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum dringend Hilfe

Beitrag von Anna-Lisa »

Hallo :) Ich bin zwar noch neu hier, aber ich bräuchte trotzdem dringend eure Hilfe. Ich würde mich gerne für ein Praktikum in einer deutsch-amerikanischen Kanzlei bewerben und würde gerne wissen, was ich an meinem Cover Letter npch ändern sollte.. Ich hoffe hier findet sich jemand der mir helfen kann. Vielen Dank schonmal im Voraus!

Dear Sir or Madam, ( es ist leider kein Name angegeben worden )
I started my law studies in September 2013 and I am writing to apply for an internship at xyz. I learned about your law firm through an assistant professor of law at Albert-Ludwigs-Universität Freiburg. Since 2015, my studies focus on international civil- and economic law.  I already had an opportunity to gain experiences with french law, now I hope for the chance to gain some new experiences in the United States. I am very interested in the civil- and economic law of the U.S. Interning at xyz  would allow me to continue my commitment in international law and I am confident that it will strengthen my skills for my future career.
Upon graduation, I am desirous of working as attorney on the international level. I am fascinated of getting in touch with different personalities and working together with corporate entities. During my internship in Africa - where I used to teach english - I handled with many different personalities and their different interests. My voluntary commitment in a youth council was about dealing and discussing with smaller companies. This way, I also learned to work independent and proactive in fragile or stressful situations. Moreover I used to take part at several workshops at ALU where I had to do a lot of legal researches. That taught me to focus on the important things of sophisticated discussions and taught me the way of precise working. Legal texts and discussions no longer pose a challenge for me. 
I successfully graduated in english and french. I also passed the exam in english for lawyers at University. If requested, I will readily provide some evidences. 
I would like the opportunity to discuss any internship opportunities you might have. Please let me know if you have any questions. You can reach me by phone at (+49)***** or by email at ___.

Thank you for your consideration. 


Sincerely, 

Sinatra85

Re: Cover Letter Korrigieren - ich bräuchte für meine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum dringend Hilfe

Beitrag von Sinatra85 »

Hallo Anna-Lisa,
bei einem so wichtigen Brief solltest du wirklich einen professionellen Proof-Reader beauftragen. Die sind in Rechtschreibung, Grammatik und Stil geschult und deine Bewerbung wird herausstechen. Ich weiß nicht, ob ich dir hier eine Internetseite empfehlen darf, aber google einfach mal danach und es gibt eine Firma, die berechnet pro Wort. Das macht bei dir am meisten Sinn. Dann ist das auch nicht viel Geld.
Ansonsten hoffe ich, dass du die strengen und langwierigen Visums-Bedingungen der USA kennst (Sponsorship, Nachweis über Vermögen & viel Zeit im Voraus).
Ich versuche mich dennoch mal an deinem Brief. Jedoch mit der dringenden Empfehlung, hier einen Muttersprachler oder einen Proof-Reader (die sind i.d.R. Muttersprachler) herüberschauen zu lassen.
Ich habe mir erlaubt, einige Sätze zu verändern. 

Dear Sir or Madam, To whom it may concern (Du willst ja den Brief in die USA schicken. Die fangen anders an)
With this application, I would like to express my interest in an internship at your company.
Since September 2013, I've been studying law at the Albert-Ludwigs-Universität in Freiburg, Germany. Since 2015, my studies have been focussing on international civil- and economic law.  I have already had an the opportunity to gain my experiences with in French law, and now I hope for the chance to gain to achieve somenew experiences capabilities/skills in the United States. 
I am very interested in the civil- and economic laws of the U.S. Interning (wtf... Wen willst du internieren? Mir ist nicht bekannt, dass to intern ein Verb ist, das "ein Praktikum machen" bedeutet.) I would be very thankful to get the chance to do an internship at xyz to allow/enable me to continue my commitment in international law. Furthermore, and I am confident that it will strengthen/improve my skills for my future career.
I learned about Your law firm through An assistant professor of law at the Albert-Ludwigs-Universität Freiburg, warmly recommended you to me.
Upon graduation, I am desirous of working aim/intend to work as attorney on the international level. I am fascinated of by/with getting in touch with different personalities, and working together with corporate entities. During my internship in Africa - where I used to teach English  - I handled/dealt with many different personalities characters (better use a synonym, because you have already used this word in the sentence before) and their different interests. My voluntary commitment in a youth council was about dealing and discussing with smaller companies. In this way, I also learned to work independently and proactively in fragile/precarious or stressful situations. Moreover, I used to take part at several workshops at the ALU where I had to do a lot of dealt with legal researches. This taught me to be focused on the important things of sophisticated discussions and taught me the way of precise working. Legal texts and discussions no longer pose a challenge for me.

I successfully graduated in English and French. I also passed the exam in English for lawyers at the university. If requested, I will readily provide some evidences.

I would like to have the opportunity to discuss any internship opportunities you might have. Please let me know if you have any questions. You can reach me by phone at (+49)***** or by e-mail at ___.
 
Thank you for your considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.
  

Sincerely (Du hast ja keinen Namen, also: ) Yours faithfully/Respectfully,

Viel Erfolg! Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen, aber jetzt bin ich auch müde... 

rot= Fehler 
grün=Verbesserter Ausdruck (was nicht immer heißen muss, dass deine Option falsch war)
blau=Kommentar

Sinatra85

Re: Cover Letter Korrigieren - ich bräuchte für meine Bewerbung für ein Praktikum dringend Hilfe

Beitrag von Sinatra85 »

Ich habe das verb "to intern" noch mal im OED nachgeschlagen und man kann es tatsächlich in diesem Zusammenhang verwenden. 

OED:  intr. Of a student or trainee: to work as an intern (intern n. 1c).