Bitte korrigieren

[sanane11]

Hallo, 

Und zwar have ich eine Analyse geschrieben bzw. versucht eine zu schreiben und frage mich ob jemand mir diese korrigieren könnte und Tipps geben kann 

Okey ich beginne  ( Analyse einer politischen Rede ).

On April 12 1964 , Malcolm X gave the speech " The ballot or the bullet " to motivate the African American citizenship to fight violently against any form of racism oppression and for equality by using rhetorical devices such as parallelism, alliteration, anaphora and more.

At the beginnen of the speech Malcolm X uses a parallelism to Stress that Black people are not hanged or attacked by white Americans because of their religious beliefs but because of the colour of their skin ( cf.ll.2-3).His intention is to show the black community that as long as they are Black they will  fall victim to White people. Furthermore the Black audience understand that they will never be accepted by the American society and integration will not help the black people to change their degrading situation among the white society.Consequently back people have to use violence to get the rights they are denied and revenge themselves.

[sanane11]

So , dass ist der weitere Teil : 

Later Malcolm X uses an anaphora by repeating the words "every nation " ti emphasize that people in other countries such as in Africa and America got their independece through nationalism ( cf.ll. 49-51).He juxtaposes the United States with other countries to show the black audience that independece could also be teaches through Nationalism in America . Consequently he wants them to follow these nation 's example and revolt against inequality .The black citizenship feels motivated to believe in the  philosophy of nationalism.
Malcolm X further uses an alliteration when he says that black Americans have to "stop singing and Start swinging" (l.12).
He refers to the protest song "We Shall Overcome" which is a symbol of peaceful demonstrations and stands  in total contrast to Malcol X's idea of swinging which is an euphemistic term for using violence. The quote Sounds like a slogan and calls the black people to join in with Malcolm X .

At the end, one can say that he frequent uses rhetorical devices to motivate the black citizenship to revolt against  the white people in order to gain equality and independece.

So das war's  .
Bitte sagen was ihr an Style , Grammatik etc. verändern würdet. Oder ist es gemäss eine Analyse ? Danke sehr ^^

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Hallo, 

Und zwar have ich eine Analyse geschrieben bzw. versucht eine zu schreiben und frage mich ob jemand mir diese korrigieren könnte und Tipps geben kann 

Okay ich beginne  ( Analyse einer politischen Rede ).

On April 12, 1964 , Malcolm X gave the speech " The ballot or the bullet " to motivate the African American citizenship to fight violently against any form of racism and oppression and for equality by using rhetorical devices such as parallelism, alliteration, anaphora and others.

At the beginning of the speech Malcolm X uses a parallelism to stress that Black people are not hanged or attacked by white Americans because of their religious beliefs but because of the colour of their skin ( cf.ll.2-3). His intention is to show the black community that as long as they are black they will  fall victim to white people. Furthermore the black audience have to understand that they will never be accepted by the American society and integration will not help the black people to change their degrading situation among the white society. Consequently back people have to use violence to get the rights they are denied and revenge themselves.

So , dass ist der weitere Teil : 

Later Malcolm X uses an anaphora by repeating the words "every nation " to emphasize that people in other countries such as in Africa and America achieved their independence through nationalism ( cf.ll. 49-51). He juxtaposes the United States with other countries to show the black audience that independence could also be taught through Nationalism in America . Consequently he wants them to follow these nations' example and revolt against inequality .The black citizenship feels motivated to believe in the  philosophy of nationalism.

Malcolm X further uses an alliteration when he says that black Americans have to "stop singing and start swinging" (l.12).
He refers to the protest song "We Shall Overcome" which is a symbol of peaceful demonstrations and stands  in total contrast to Malcolm X's idea of swinging which is an euphemistic term for using violence. The quote sounds like a slogan and calls the black people to join in with Malcolm X .

At the end, one can say that he frequent uses of rhetorical devices to motivate the black citizenship to revolt against  the white people in order to gain equality and independence.

So das war's  :D.
Bitte sagen was ihr an Style , Grammatik etc. verändern würdet. Oder ist es gemäss eine Analyse ? Danke sehr ^^

Ich bin kein Lehrer, aber was ich hier lese, finde ich sehr gut geschrieben und durchdacht! 

[sanane11]

Dankeschön

[Sinatra85]

Keswick did a good job, but there are more mistakes:

1. Malcom X gave delivered the speech [...]
2. [...] against any form of racism and oppressionand , for equality by using rhetorical devices, such as parallelism, alliteration, anaphora, and others. (That comma before "and" is called "Oxford Comma". It is not obligatory but very nice, and your teacher will be very delighted to see it.)
3. [...] parallelism to stress that black people are not hanged [...]
4. His intention is to show the black community that - or , as long as they are black - or , they will fall victim to white people.
5. Furthermore, the black audience have has to understand [...] "audience" is singular!!!
6. Consequently, black people [...] Improvement suggestion: Consequently, black people are forced/compelled to use violence to achieve their rights, which were denied by the whites, in order to take revenge.
7. Later, Malcolm X uses [...]
8. [...] people in other countries, such as in (of course "in") Africa and America, [...]
9. "juxtaposes" is a nice word but it will force your teacher to look it up. Why not "compare"?
10. nationalism (in the juxtapose sentence)
11. Consequently, he wants them to follow these nations' examples , and revolt against inequality. (Hope that I got what you wanted to say.)
12. The black citizenship [...] "die schwarze Staatsbürgerschaft"???
13. He refers to the protest song "We Shall Overcome", which is a symbol of peaceful [...]
14. [...] Malcolm X's idea of swinging , which is an euphemistic term for using violence.
15. The quote sounds like a slogan, and calls the black people to join in with Malcolm X.

Because you're asking: I'll give you my opinion about your text:

• The content is very convincing. Very good job, as far as I can evaluate it without knowing the speech.
• Your choice of vocabulary is also very good. If you are a student of the "Oberstufe", your words are appropriate.
• Your grammar is good but shouldn't affect your final grade so much.

[sanane11]

Danke sehr , 
Ich freue mich  wirklich sehr über Korrekturleser . 
Hier hätte ich auch ein paar Fragen offen ,
Ich verstehe nicht wieso sir bei dem eine Satz zweimal (-or, ) geschrieben haben.ich weiss nicht ob man das so auch bei Arbeiten schreiben darf ? Ich hab diese bisher noch nie in Texten gesehen :/

Okey , noch zu dem Oxford Komma : darf man das vor jedes Komma setzen ? 

Und dann noch zu " These nations' "

Ich wollte da sagen , dass Malcolm X möchte , dass sich die African American ein Beispiel an diesen Nationen nehmen .
Wie mache ich das ?

( Ausserdem , Ja ,ich bin in der Oberstufe )

[Sinatra85]

Mit or meinte ich, entweder du setzt ein Semikolon oder ein Bindestrich. 

Das Oxford Comma setzt du am besten immer bei einer Aufzählung vor dem letzten "and".
Es ist vom Stil her einfach schön und verhindert auch Irritation.
Beispiel: We had coffee, cheese and crackers, and grapes. versus: We had coffee, cheese and crackers and grapes.
Beim zweiten Bsp. ohne Oxford Comma weiß man nicht, dass "cheese and crackers" eine Mahlzeit war, da es eher wie eine Aufzählung aussieht. In diesen Fällen MUSS das Oxford Comma sogar erfolgen. 

Und bitte beachte: "to deliver a speech" ist "eine Rede halten". Das machen so viele Deutsche gerne falsch. Du nicht mehr  

[sanane11]

Okey , 

Dann lautet der Satz z.B so 
" his Intention is to show the black community - , that as long as they are black  ..." 

Okey , to deliver a speech hört sich auch schöner an  ^^.

Ja , dass mit dem Oxford Komma hab ich jetzt auch verstanden 

[Sinatra85]

Entweder:
His intention is to show the black community that - as long as they are black - they will fall victim to white people.
Oder:
His intention is to show the black community that, as long as they are black, they will fall victim to white people.

[tiorthan]

1. Malcom X gave delivered the speech [...]
2. ...
3. ...
4. ...
5. Furthermore, the black audience have  has to understand [...] "audience" is singular!!!
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
9. ...
10. ,,,
11. Consequently, he wants them to follow these nations' examples , and revolt against inequality. (Hope that I got what you wanted to say.)
12. ...
13. ...
14. ...
15. ...

1 - Not a mistake. "give a speech" is perfectly idiomatic English
5 - Actually depends on the dialect. The plural is a valid form in British English and it even conveys a different meaning than then singular, roughly meaning "every member in the audience".
11 - You seem to correct that to "these nation examples", but that would be wrong and ungrammatical. It must be either "these nations' example" or "these nations' examples" depending on wheter it's one example shown by different nations or different examples shown by different nations.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Entweder:
His intention is to show the black community that - as long as they are black - they will fall victim to white people.
Oder:
His intention is to show the black community that, as long as they are black, they will fall victim to white people.

Liebe Alle,
ich habe ich mit dem Satz inhaltlich ein Problem: nun, es ist wahrscheinlich semantisch, denn das "as long as" scheint mir hier einfach keinen vernünftigen Sinn zu ergeben. Wenn man sagt, "solange sie schwarz sind, werden sie zum Opfer werden...", würde das doch bedeuten, er rät ihnen, ihre Hautfarbe zu ändern. So nach dem Motto: "Solange Du mit der Mafia Geschäfte machst, musst Du damit rechnen, dass Deine Geige voller Löcher ist... -> Hör auf damit und es kann anders werden." Aber die Hautfarbe zu ändern ist weder möglich noch - ganz sicher - von Malcolm X gewünscht, ganz im Gegenteil. Also würde ich hier wohl eher vorschlagen: ...to show that - being black/since they are black - they will always fall victim to white people's prejudices and brutality.
Grüße
Duckduck

[sanane11]

Okey , 
Ja stimmt macht Sinn
Danke sehr .