Fehler im Text korrigieren

[corii133]

Hallo, es wäre lieb wenn jemand meinen Text korrigiert

A day in Central Park
Today I was in Central Park with my family. The weather was sunny and very warm.
First we were looking for a shady place under a big tree. That was not so easy, because the park
was full of people. Finally we had found a nice place near the lake. Following that I read a good
book. After that I listened to music. But then the battery of my mobile phone was empty, so I
couldn't listen to music anymore. Later I played with my sister with a frisbee. Then we were very tired
and we ate sandwiches with chream cheese, tomatoes and onions. I relaxed on my blanket and looked
to the lake with the fountain and the swans. Slowly that became boring, so we packed our stuff and went by
cab to our apartment. I think it was a wonderful day in Central Park.

[Duckduck (Contributor)]

Hallo, es wäre lieb wenn jemand meinen Text korrigiert Hallo corii133 und willkommen im Forum!

A day in Central Park
Today my family and I were in Central Park. (Dein Satz war nicht falsch, aber höflicher ist es, wenn man sich selbst an letzter Stelle nennt.)
The weather was sunny and very warm, so we looked for a shady place under a big tree. (Kleine Veränderung des Anschlusses und hier verwende besser das Simple Past, weil Du Handlungen in einer Reihenfolge aufzählst und nicht in erster Linie auf ihre Dauer hinweisen willst.)
That was not so easy, because the park was full of people.
Finally we found a nice place near the lake and there I read a good book. (Das Past Perfect - had found - verwendest Du, wenn Du die zeitliche Abfolge von Handlungen hervorheben willst. Um das zu verstärken, würdest Du in der Regel sagen After we had found a nice place I read a good book...)
After that I listened to music.
But then the battery of my mobile phone was empty, so I couldn't listen to music anymore.
Later my sister and I played with a frisbee until we were very tired and we ate sandwiches with chream cheese, tomatoes and onions. (s.o. und Anschluss)
I relaxed on my blanket and looked at the lake with the fountain and the swans.
Slowly that became boring, so we packed (up)our stuff and went to our apartment by
cab.
I think it was a wonderful day in Central Park.

Sehr gut gemacht!

Grüße
Duckduck