Hallo,
würde jemand so nett sein und über meine kleine Schreibübung sehen? Bin mir bei der Grammatik total unsicher und weiß auch nicht, ob die Sätze 'zu deutsch' klingen.
"Going once, twice, SOLD for $21.000 to the gentlemen in the back," the auctioneer shout in his microphone.
He took a sip of his sage tea and swiftly moved to the next object. "And the next item up for bid is a painting by the young artist X.Y.", he said in a monotonic voice. "The painting is 16 inches by 20 inches in height. It is painted in oil on canvas, and not framed."
His assistant uncovered the painting and held it up for the bidder to see. It was an abstract painting, just lines and shapes of color but with some imagination you could see a woman in a blue dress. "Who'll start me out at $15.000?" With these words, the auctioneer starts the auction.
Someone raised a hand but a few seconds later an elder woman bits $16.000, and then the woman right behind her $17.000. It went on like this until the price reached $28.500 then the bidding halted for the first time.
"I have $28.500 and who'll give me $29.000?" the auctioneer said, searching the crowd for another bidder.
"$50.000," a boy who was on the phone called out and a murmur went through the saleroom.
"$51.000," another bidder yelled. Everyone in the room turned to look at the new bidder. It was an elder man with glasses, and the lights in the room reflected off the bald spot in his gray hair.
"$60.000," the boy on the phone yelled again.
Everyone in the room looked at the older man with a surprised look. "$70.000," he finally said, and the moaning in the room was getting louder.
The bidder on the phone increased the offer price to $80.000 and the man in the saleroom immediately offered $100.000 for the painting.
"$120.000," the boy on the phone called out repeating the word the person on the other side on the phone had said.
By now there was dead silence in the room, and all eyes were on the gray-haired man. He shook his head slightly.
The auctioneer watched the gray-haired man for a few seconds before he finally said: "$120.000 going once, twice," he
stopped speaking, watching all bidders, then continued: "SOLD." The auctioneer slammed the hammer.
Danke
Schreibübung
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Keswick (Contributor)
Re: Schreibübung
Achte darauf, dass du nicht in den Zeiten hin- und herspringst.tiuwiu hat geschrieben:Hallo,
würde jemand so nett sein und über meine kleine Schreibübung sehen? Bin mir bei der Grammatik total unsicher und weiß auch nicht, ob die Sätze 'zu deutsch' klingen.
"Going once, twice, SOLD for $21.000 to the gentleman in the back," the auctioneer shouted into his microphone.
He took a sip of his sage tea and swiftly moved on to the next object. "And the next item up for auction is a painting by the young artist X.Y.", he said in a monotonic voice. "The painting is 16 inches by 20 inchesin height. It ispainted inoil on canvas, and not framed."
His assistant uncovered the painting and held it up for the bidder to see. It was an abstract painting, just lines and shapes of colour but with some imagination you could see a woman in a blue dress. "Who'll start me out at $15.000?" With these words, the auctioneer started the auction.
Someone raised a hand but a few seconds later an elderly woman bid $16.000, and then the woman right behind her bid $17.000. It went on like this until the price reached $28.500, when the bidding halted for the first time.
"I have $28.500 and who'll give me $29.000?" the auctioneer asked, searching the crowd for another bidder.
"$50.000," a boy who was on the phone called out and a murmur went through the sales room.
"$51.000," another bidder yelled. Everyone in the room turned to look at the new bidder. It was an elderly man with glasses, and the lights in the room reflected off the bald spot in his gray hair.
"$60.000," the boy on the phone yelled again.
Everyone in the room looked at the older man with surprise. "$70.000," he finally said, and the murmuring in the room got (even) louder.
The bidder on the phone increased the offer price to $80.000 and the man in the sales room immediately offered $100.000 for the painting.
"$120.000," the boy on the phone called out repeating the words of the person he was talking to on the phone.
By now there was dead silence in the room, and all eyes were on the gray-haired man. He shook his head slightly.
The auctioneer watched the gray-haired man for a few seconds before he finally said: "$120.000 going once, twice," he stopped speaking, watching all bidders, then continued: "SOLD." The auctioneer slammed the hammer.
Danke
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caro64
Re: Schreibübung
Good job, but I found something 
"Going once, twice, SOLD for $21.000 to the gentleman
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tiuwiu
Re: Schreibübung
Vielen Dank, caro 
---
Ich hab den zweiten Teil dazu geschrieben, wäre ganz lieb, wenn jemand mal drüberschauen könne.
Danke!
Right after the auction, the young artist XY and his girl friend Z decided to go to a spendy restaurant. They ordered Kobe beef with white truffles, a lobster-and-crab salad with beluga caviar and two bottles of the most expensive wine.
While having dinner they discussed the events of the afternoon and they talked about Hilbrock's final breakthrough in the art scene of New York as a painter, but mostly they spoke about their start into a new life in Ireland.
After nearly two hours of eating and drinking, they left the restaurant without even asking for the bill. Hilbrock just left about twice the price to their table and said 'good day' to the waitress on their way out.
When they arrive at home, XY went into the garden and Z goes into the kitchen to make a big bowl of a fruit juice and bourbon based punch.
"Hurry up," Z heard Y's voice calling from the outside while she picked up some fresh mint leaves and bunch of limes.
"I'm on my way!" Z answered, laughing. She grabbed the bowl and two glasses and hurried through the house and out the back door.
When she arrived in the backyard, she saw Y jumping feet first into the pool.
"Did your mother never tell you to wait at least 30 minutes after eating before going into the water?" Z sat on the pool's
edge, with her feet dangling in the water, watching her friend.
He made a few full circles before he swam back to her and crossed his arms over the edge of the pool. "Are you always do what your mother told you?"
Instead of answering, Z smiled and poured a glass of punch. She offered the glass to him and said in a low voice: "To you and to me."
"And to our new life in Ireland," When Y'd completed the toast, they clinked glasses.
In the next second, the loud sound of the gunshot burst through the night air. Z screamed and jumped out of the water so fast that she almost stumbled over the punch bowl.
She hurried back into the house. When she reached the door, she stopped abruptly and turned around. "X?" she whispered, while taking cover behind the ajar door.
"X, where are you?" She asked but got no answer. She took a deep breath, trying to hold back her panic, then she got on his hands and knees and crawled back into the backyard.
Her whole body was shaking and it wouldn't stop. It only lasted a few seconds before she spotted the lifeless body of her friend floating in the pool.
---
Ich hab den zweiten Teil dazu geschrieben, wäre ganz lieb, wenn jemand mal drüberschauen könne.
Danke!
Right after the auction, the young artist XY and his girl friend Z decided to go to a spendy restaurant. They ordered Kobe beef with white truffles, a lobster-and-crab salad with beluga caviar and two bottles of the most expensive wine.
While having dinner they discussed the events of the afternoon and they talked about Hilbrock's final breakthrough in the art scene of New York as a painter, but mostly they spoke about their start into a new life in Ireland.
After nearly two hours of eating and drinking, they left the restaurant without even asking for the bill. Hilbrock just left about twice the price to their table and said 'good day' to the waitress on their way out.
When they arrive at home, XY went into the garden and Z goes into the kitchen to make a big bowl of a fruit juice and bourbon based punch.
"Hurry up," Z heard Y's voice calling from the outside while she picked up some fresh mint leaves and bunch of limes.
"I'm on my way!" Z answered, laughing. She grabbed the bowl and two glasses and hurried through the house and out the back door.
When she arrived in the backyard, she saw Y jumping feet first into the pool.
"Did your mother never tell you to wait at least 30 minutes after eating before going into the water?" Z sat on the pool's
edge, with her feet dangling in the water, watching her friend.
He made a few full circles before he swam back to her and crossed his arms over the edge of the pool. "Are you always do what your mother told you?"
Instead of answering, Z smiled and poured a glass of punch. She offered the glass to him and said in a low voice: "To you and to me."
"And to our new life in Ireland," When Y'd completed the toast, they clinked glasses.
In the next second, the loud sound of the gunshot burst through the night air. Z screamed and jumped out of the water so fast that she almost stumbled over the punch bowl.
She hurried back into the house. When she reached the door, she stopped abruptly and turned around. "X?" she whispered, while taking cover behind the ajar door.
"X, where are you?" She asked but got no answer. She took a deep breath, trying to hold back her panic, then she got on his hands and knees and crawled back into the backyard.
Her whole body was shaking and it wouldn't stop. It only lasted a few seconds before she spotted the lifeless body of her friend floating in the pool.