Finanzielle Hilfe - Formal letter

[kevkev]

Hallo! Ich habe eine Probeprüfung von TELC auf Niveau B2 gemacht. Ich wäre dankbar, wenn mir jemand den Text korrigiert bzw. kontrolliert! Ihr könnt mir auch gern eine Note drauf geben ^^

Vielen vielen Dank und lg

kevkev



Max Mustermann
Musterstraße 5
3000 Musterstadt
AUSTRIA






Robert Fulton
California Student Aid Commission
1405 International Drive
Long Beach
CA 90802
USA


22^ndJuly 2014


Application for financial aid




Dear Mr. Robert Fulton,


I was interested to read your advertisement in last weeks edition of the student magazine „California“.


I wish to apply for financial aid, because I will not be able to assure livelihood, while I am studying at the university. Furthermore I do not have a working permission. Although my father is not short of money he is not willing to support me. He is of the opinion, that i should earn my own money.


Nevertheless I would like to do a scholarship in California. It is my favourite US federal state and i haver never seen the westcoast. Apart from these facts, the „Law University of California“ is one of the most famous in the world. In my mind the amercian have a casual mentality and that is the reason why i chose this magnificent country.


In Austria i finished the university entrance exam a couple of days ago. It was a stressful time, because I had to work as an administration assistant at the district court of Musterstadt at the same time. Fortunately I had the chance to collect a lot of work experience. I had to answer the phone, do the filing and deal with clients. All things considered I would be glad if you enable me financial help.


I look forward to hearing from you.


Yours sincerely


Max Mustermann
Max Mustermann

[Delfino]

Hallo!
Ich habe eine Probeprüfung von TELC auf Niveau B2 gemacht. Ich wäre dankbar,
wenn mir jemand diesen Text korrigiert bzw. kontrolliert!
Ihr könnt mir auch gern eine Note drauf geben ^^

Vielen vielen Dank und LG

kevkev



Max Mustermann
Musterstraße 5
3000 Musterstadt
AUSTRIA



Robert Fulton
California Student Aid Commission
1405 International Drive
Long Beach
CA 90802
USA


22^ndJuly 2014


Application for financial aid


Dear Mr. Robert Fulton,

Your advert in last weeks edition of the student magazine „California“ caught my eye.

I hereby wish to apply for financial aid, because I will not be able to assure my livelihood
while I am studying at the XY University in YZ.

Furthermore, I do not have a work permit. And my father is not willing to support me financially,
althought he is not short of money. Unfortunately, it is his opinion that I should earn my own money.

Therefore, I would like to apply for a scholarship in California. It is my favourite state in the US,
and I have never seen the West Coast. Apart from these facts, the School of Law at the UCLA
is one of the most famous in the world. In my mind the Amercians have a casual mentality* and
that is the reason why I chose this magnificent country.

In Austria I finished the university entrance exam a couple of days ago. It was a stressful time,
because I had to work as an administrative assistant at the district court of Musterstadt at the same time.
Fortunately, I had the chance to gain a lot of work experience. I had to deal with clients, do the filing
and answered the phone.**

All things considered I see myself as a very capable student who would be glad to receive financial aid
to support my aim to gain a law degree at the XY University.
to support my aim to complete my higher education at the XY University.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Max Mustermann

* This really sounds like you want to join the slackers who rather go surfing than study at the library.
You do not choose the landscape (West Coast, magnificent country, ...) but the university - a place to learn.

** Prioritise the tasks and skills you mention when you list them.

*** Enabling something is kind of like turning it on, but there is no valve to switch the flow of money on...

You should also include evidence that you have researched the University and the degree offered there
by refering to the unique features & opportunities.

There is a difference between a scholarship (for academic achivements in the past & to support future development)
and financial aid (to support the poor students).