Hilfe bei der Korrektur für ein 'Cover Letter'

[avitas]

Hi! Ich hoffe mal der Text ist nicht zu lang für dieses Unterforum, aber meine englisch Kenntnisse sind während der letzten Jahre leider etwas eingeschlafen und ich hoffe mal ihr könnt mir helfen.
Also folgenden Text habe ich als 'Cover Letter' für einen Fashion Store in dem ich gerne arbeiten würde (persönliche Informationen habe ich durch '**' ersetzt):



Meine Adresse hier


Datum


I would like to apply for the part time position at the ** store located in **.


My qualifications match your requirements precisely.


I have worked at ** before, for over one year at the ** store located in **city, street.

I have also done an internship for three months at the fashion label ** in **city, street.
Not only did I work in store but I actively took part in the process of designing new products and in improving the store presentation.
Moreover I also took part in designing the exhibition stand for the Fashion Week Berlin and the Berlin Showroom in Paris for the Fashion Week.


After finishing the traineeship I applied at the Fachhochschule **city to study design and succesfully passed the aptitude test to prove my special artistic talent, so I am looking forward to start studying design for the fall semester 2014/15 in **city.


As you can see I do not only have high fashion and design awareness but I am also experienced in working in retail, especially fashion retail.


For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime.
I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Sincerly,


**mein name


Vielen Dank für eure Hilfe! Meine Schulzeit ist leider schon etwas länger vorbei und ich war in englisch auch nie der Beste, also sind wahrscheinliche einige Fehler in dem Text.

[Delfino]

[Mein Name & Adresse]

[Datum]

[Subject line]

[an introduction sentence or two] Therefore, I would like to apply for the part-time position at your ** store in **.

I am confident my qualifications match all your requirements.

For more than a year I have been working at the (big/new/...) ** store in **city.

During my three-months internship at the [head quarter, main office, ...] of **,
I worked in their store, but I was also actively involved in the design process of new products
and improved the in-store presentation. Moreover, I also took part in designing the exhibition
stand for the Fashion Week Berlin and the Berlin Showroom for the Fashion Week in Paris.

After finishing the traineeship (what traineeship?) I applied at the University of Applied Sciences **
to study design and succesfully passed their aptitude test which focused on my artistic talent.
Now I am looking forward to starting my studies in design beginning in fall 2014.

As you can see I do not only have high fashion and design awareness,
but I am also experienced in working in fashion retail.

Please feel free to contact me for further information.
I greatly appreciate your interest in my application,
and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Yours sincerly,

[meine Unterschrift]

There is so much more to an application
than translating a draft letter into English.
http://portal.solent.ac.uk/careers/get- ... guide.aspx

Look at the structure and order of information
as well as the way of expressing things...

In general the English prefer shorter and less complex sentences.