Korrektur meiner Bewerbung

[TomB]

Hallo Forengemeinde, es wäre klasse wenn ihr mein Bewerbungsanschreiben Korrektur lesen könntet. Vielen Dank im Voraus.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have pleasure in applying for an internship at your company. Currently I am studying for a Master’s degree Industrial Engineering at the University XY and would to gain experience in the Asia-Pacific region. In a large company such as yours, I believe I could acquire better insight into my field of study. XY is associated with technological innovation and considered a leader in its field. I am impressed by your company’s reputation, structure and the products and services you offer, and would be delighted to be offered an internship in the fields logistics, sales or procurement. During several internships and working experiences I gained valuable experience in a number of fields. As you can see from my CV, I have worked in a logistics company where I was responsible for the operational processes within the warehouse. After that, I worked one year for a mail order company at the procurement department.
During my Bachelor’s degree I did an internship at XY, a logistics company in Italy, where I was responsible for creating a gathering of data in order to provide quick responses to the RFQs.Therefore, I am very eager to gain further practical experience by working abroad while also applying my research skills. I am highly adaptable and motivated to integrate into any new work environment and the skills and experience I have gained so far would make a very useful contribution to your company’s team. I am confident that I would be an asset to your organization.
I would be very happy to discuss further questions in a personal interview. Thank you very much for your interest and consideration.
Yours sincerely.

Tom

Enc.

[TomB]

Hallo liebe Forenmitglieder, ich möchte nochmal nachfragen, ob ihr über mein Anschreiben schauen könntet. Ist wirklich wichtig für mich. Vielen Dank euch!

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Hallo Forengemeinde, es wäre klasse wenn ihr mein Bewerbungsanschreiben Korrektur lesen könntet. Vielen Dank im Voraus.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have thepleasure of applying for an internship at your company. (very old fashioned) Currently I am studying for a Master’s degree in Industrial Engineering at the University XY and would like to gain experience in the Asia-Pacific region. In a large company such as yours, I believe I could acquire better insight into my field of study. XY is associated with technological innovation and considered a leader in its field. I am impressed by your company’s reputation, structure and the products and services you offer, and would be delighted to be offered an internship in the fields logistics, sales or procurement. During several internships and working experiences, I gained valuable experience in a number of fields. As you can see from my CV, I have worked in a logistics company where I was responsible for the operational processes within the warehouse. After that, I worked one year for a mail order company in the procurement department.
During my Bachelor’s degree I did an internship at XY, a logistics company in Italy, where I was responsible for creating a compilationof data in order to provide quick responses to the RFQs.
Therefore (wrong word.. are you eager to gain further experience based on this compilation? This is what you imply with using therefore!), I am very eager to gain further practical experience by working abroad while also applying my research skills. I am highly adaptable and motivated to integrate into any new work environment and the skills and experience I have gained so far would make a very useful contribution to your company’s team. I am confident that I would be an asset to your organization.
I would be very happy to discuss further questions in a personal interview. Thank you very much for your interest and consideration.
Yours sincerely.
Tom

Enc.