short letter of complaint

[ibex]

Could you please have a look whether there are any mistakes?
Thank you

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Sent: 20 January 2014, 17:00
To: some newspaper’s subcription service
Subject: change of address


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing on account of a change of my address and thus the address of delivery. Despite the fact that I have already given advance notice of this change in an email at December 5th, the newspaper continues to be delivered to my previous address. Please note that my new address is 5A Maple Lane, 8KT 2LY, Surbiton, Surrey.
I would be appreciative if you could send me a short reply once you have taken notice of this matter and hope it will receive your immediate attention.

Petra Brooks

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Could you please have a look whether there are any mistakes?
Thank you

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Sent: 20 January 2014, 17:00
To: some newspaper’ssubscriptionservice
Subject: change of address


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writingin regards to thechange of my address and thus thedelivery address. Despite the fact that I have already given advance notice of this change in an emailfromDecember5, the newspaper continues to be delivered to my previous address. Please note that my new address is 5A Maple Lane, 8KT 2LY, Surbiton, Surrey.
I wouldappreciate itif you could send me a short replyto confirm the receipt of this notificationandhope this issue will be sorted asap.

Petra Brooks

[ibex]

Dear Keswick,
Thanks a lot for your correction.
Some of your corrections quite confused me, though, because actually I picked the phrases "I would be appreciative if...", "I am writing on account to..." and "I hope this matter will receive your immediate attention" from a website explaining how to write a letter of complaint. Do they sound too complicated, are they simply not used or for which reason are they incorrect?

I hope you're not too bothered if the questions are stupid , but I'd like to understand.

Thanks!

[tiorthan]

Note: These are not the reasons of Keswicks corrections, just my own remarks.

"on account of" basically means the same as "because of", I wouldn't use it in this instance because the reason for this complaint is not the address change but the neglect on the companies part.
"be appreciative" sounds fine to me

Not sure if there are any regional preferences in play here.

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Hi ibex,

While I don't doubt that any of these expressions are correct (except for "on account of" which is wrong, thanks tiorthan), they just sound incredibly wooden and people don't use them. I know it's a formal letter but there is a difference between being formal and being stiff and unrealistic. By all means use the expressions if you want but that's not how real people write these days.. well unless you are a lawyer maybe.

[ibex]

Thanks to both of you!
I hope I haven't picked up many more phrases of this kind...