Comment bitte korrigieren (:

[Finitia]

Ich habe ein Komment auf der Basis des folgenden Zitates verfasst: "Our future lies in our own hands"
Es sollte ein Pro-Cons-Comment werden, könnt ihr es bitte korrigieren?
Vielen Dank im Voraus.

MfG Finitia

Pursuing a career or still having a reasonable chance of success in our life – everyone dreams of the golden opportunities, for which we are able to fight. Concerning our road ahead, statements like “If you can dream it, be it.” often are entrusted to you. But it's still to be clarified whether our future really lies in our own hands.
According to the statement, I would like to propound solid arguments from different points of view.
At the one hand, there is no reason for any kind of skepticism. I believe it's fully justified to contend, that we are accountable for our own future, so if we work hard, we will have the feasibility to attain success. Only we are aware of what's the best way to fulfill our potential. Therefore nobody is able to influence us related to our future and plans.
But on the other hand, I have to mention some facts, which question the wisdom of the statement. We have to take in consideration, that our personal surroundings also play a significant role. Because of their attitude towards us, they might affect our fortune unconsciously. In some cases it could be helpful, but we shouldn't neglect the opposite: our acquaintances often tempt us to pursue an aim, which is against our desire. Because of the exerted leverage on us, we were deterred from learning hard for school, instead of follow convictions like staying out.
The most convincing argument is, that certain people are unfit to have a lasting effect on their fortune in different kinds of circumstances. Thus, the impact is, that the possibility to achieve the aim isn't offered to us. In order to present an example, the state as our base assumes an important function. So if political conditions like democracy aren't given, we wouldn't have the opportunity to pursue several intentions, no matter how much we contend for them.
That brings me neatly to my final point, I would like to present: If the expectation to ourselves is too unrealistic, we shouldn't discount the fact, that's always possible to fail. That's why it's absolutely necessary to search after an alternative career, which fit closely to us.
But all in all, these arguments against the statement shouldn't be considered as obstacles, which destroy our future plans.


To draw a conclusion, my suggestion is, that I partly agree with this statement. There exist various kinds of reasons why we could fail, but as far as I can judge the large proportion of our road ahead lies in our hands. Everyone is responsible for what he set in motion to influence the fortune in a positive way. No one should hold other people accountable for their own failures, because the main decisions are reached by ourselves. In some cases all efforts seems to be worthless, but I'm glad, that most of them aids us to pursue our dreams step by step.


Wenn ihr irgendwelche Tipps bezüglich des Aufbaus habt, oder euch weitere Argumente einfallen, ich bin für alles offen (:

[Finitia]

Hallo nochmal.
Sorry für den Doppelpost, aber die Korrektur wäre dringend und ich wäre euch wirklich dankbar (:

[Keswick (Contributor)]

Ich habe ein Komment auf der Basis des folgenden Zitates verfasst: "Our future lies in our own hands"
Es sollte ein Pro-Cons-Comment werden, könnt ihr es bitte korrigieren?
Vielen Dank im Voraus.

MfG Finitia

Pursuing a career or still having a reasonable chance of success in our life – everyone dreams of the golden opportunities, for which we are able to fight. Concerning our road ahead, statements like “If you can dream it, be it.” often are entrusted to you. But it's still to be clarified whether our future really lies in our own hands.
According to the statement mentioned above, I would like to propound solid arguments from different points of view.
On the one hand, there is no reason for any kind of scepticism. I believe it's fully justified to contend, that we are accountable for our own future, so if we work hard, we will have the feasibility to attain success. Only we are aware of what's the best way to fulfill our potential. Therefore nobody is able to influence us in regards to our future and our plans.
But on the other hand, I have to mention some facts, which question the wisdom of the statement. We have to take in consideration, that our personal surroundings also play a significant role. Because of their attitude towards us, they might unconsciously affect our fortune. In some cases this could be helpful, but we shouldn't neglect the opposite: our acquaintances often tempt us to pursue an aim, which is against our desire. Because of this exerted leverage on us, we could be deterred from learning hard for school, instead of follow convictions like staying out.
The most convincing argument is, that certain people are unfit to have a lasting effect on their fortune in different kinds of circumstances. Thus, the impact is, that the possibility to achieve the aim isn't offered to us. In order to present an example, the state as our base assumes an important function. So if political conditions like democracy aren't given, we wouldn't have the opportunity to pursue several intentions, no matter how much we contend for them.
That brings me neatly to my final point, I would like to present: If the expectation on ourselves is too unrealistic, we shouldn't discount the fact, that there is always the possibility to fail. That's why it's absolutely necessary to look for an alternative career, which fit us more closely.
But all in all, these arguments against the statement shouldn't be considered as obstacles, that could destroy our future plans.


To draw a conclusion, my suggestion is, that I partly agree with this statement. There exist various kinds of reasons why we could fail, but as far as I can judge, the large proportion of our road ahead lies in our hands. Everyone is responsible for what they set in motion to influence the fortune in a positive way. No one should hold other people accountable for their own failures, because the main decisions are reached by ourselves. In some cases all efforts seem to be worthless, but I'm glad, that most of them aid us to pursue our dreams step by step.


Wenn ihr irgendwelche Tipps bezüglich des Aufbaus habt, oder euch weitere Argumente einfallen, ich bin für alles offen (: