Praktikumsbewerbung ASEAN

[Ejsel1]

Hallo zusammen,

ich versuche mich gerade an der Bewerbung für ein Praktikum im Ausland, wohl ASEAN Region, aber muss ganz ehrlich sagen, dass mir das Ganze auf Englisch doch deutlich schwerer fällt als auf deutsch.

Anbei mein erster Entwurf, ich glaub allerdings, dass ich irgendwie noch meine "Vorteile" mit einbauen soll, nur das WIE ist noch die Frage.

Ich denke, ihr könnt mir da bestimmt ein wenig helfen

Besten Dank schon einmal fürs drüber schauen und ändern/kommentieren.




Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inquire about opportunities for an internship in your Marketing/Sales Department.

I am studying business economics in the fifth semester at the University of Applied Sciences O... in ... , Germany. My majors are marketing and finance management.


In January 2011 I completed my vocational training as a marketing assistant successfully. After that I worked as a project manager for search-engine-optimization at a local online agency. In September 2011 I began to study business economics but I still worked part time for this company. In September 2012 I took the chance to work as a student for a department at Volkswagen Financial Services where I am supporting the marketing team.

An internship at your company in xyz is a very good chance for me to improve my working skills and of course my English skill. Besides this I think that it would be a chance to gain a lot of experiences especially if it comes to different cultures.


Yours sincerely

[Delfino]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to inquire about opportunities for an internship
in your Marketing Department. (be more specific, choose one area) *

Recently I started the 5th semester of my studies in Business Economics
at the University of Applied Sciences O... in ... , Germany. My majors
are Marketing and Finance Management.

In January 2011 I successfully completed my vocational training as a marketing assistant.
Afterwards I worked as a project manager for a search-engine-optimisation team at [ company name ],
an local online marketing agency. In September 2011 I began to study business economics,
while continuing to work part-time for this company until ... .
In September 2012 I was given the chance to start working part-time at Volkswagen Financial Services
where I am supporting the marketing team. You are still working part-time at VW, right?

I see an internship at your company as a very good opportunity for me to use and expand my skills
while also gaining first-hand experience in working within an Asian business culture. **

Yours sincerely,
...

* You didn't mention from when and for how long you'd be available to work there.

** Be more specific in regard to transferable skills and knowledge you can offer them.

Do not mention the need to improve your English skills.
Within a busy department nobody has time to teach you proper business English.

[Ejsel1]

Ok tried to add something but I'm pretty bad in describing in what I can do or how I am.
In German I'm writing stuff like this:
   
Weiterhin zähle ich Eigenschaften wie Verantwortungsbewusstsein und meinen Ehrgeiz stets optimale Ergebnisse zu erzielen zu meinen Stärken. Diese möchte ich in den Dienst Ihres Betriebes stellen, um so ein Teil des Unternehmens zu werden und um so einen Teil zum Unternehmenserfolg beizutragen.

But to be honest I don't know how to make that simple and good sounding in English :/


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writingto youto inquire about opportunities for a 6 months internship
in yourMarketing Department starting in february 2014.

RecentlyIstarted the 5th semesterof my studies inBusinessEconomics
at the University of Applied Sciences O... in ... , Germany. My majors
areMarketing andFinanceManagement.

In January 2011 Isuccessfullycompleted my vocational training as a marketing assistant.
AfterwardsI worked as a project manager forasearch-engine-optimisationteamat[ company name ],
anlocalonlinemarketingagency. In September 2011 I began to study business economics,
while continuing to workpart-time for this companyuntil end of August 2012.
In September 2012 Iwas given the chance to startworkingpart-timein a department at VW FS
where I am supporting the marketing team till now. (I'm not in the marketing department...)
I seean internship at your companyasa very goodopportunityfor me touse andexpandmy skills
while also gaining first-hand experience in working within an Asian business culture. With my experience in marketing and online marketing I am able to support your marketing team.    
I believe that with my natural diplomacy and interpersonal skills, my business expertise and my huge interest in new products and marketing, I could easily become a part of your team.
Yours sincerely,

[Delfino]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to inquire about opportunities for a 6-months internship
in your Marketing Department starting in February 2014.

Recently I started the 5th semester of my studies in Business Economics
at the University of Applied Sciences O... in ... , Germany.
My majors are Marketing and Finance Management.

In January 2011 I successfully completed my 3 year vocational training as a marketing assistant.
Afterwards I worked as a project manager for a search-engine-optimisation team at [ company name ],
an online marketing agency. In September 2011 I began to study business economics,
while continuing to work part-time for this company until the end of August 2012.
In September 2012 I was given the chance to start working part-time in the ... department
at Volkswagen Financial Services where I am supporting the marketing team.

I see an internship at your company as a very good opportunity for me to use and expand my skills
while also gaining first-hand experience in working within an Asian business culture.

Due to my experience in marketing and especially online marketing I am confident
to be able to effectively support your marketing team. In addition, I believe that
my natural diplomacy and good interpersonal skills, my business expertise and huge
interest in new products and marketing will enable me to become a part of your team.
Furthermore, my sense of responsibility and ambition to always aim for optimal results
are my strengths that I would like to use to the benefit of any team and thereby
contribute to the success of your company.

Yours sincerely,
...


May I suggest to investigate the style and content of English applications
with a particular focus on the vast area of transferable skills.

http://portal.solent.ac.uk/careers/your ... ccess.aspx

[Ejsel1]

Ok I added something about the company and changed the order
Thanks for the hint with the skills... that "book" seems quite good!
Here is what added/changed

Due to my experience in marketing and especially online marketing I am confident to be able to effectively support your marketing team. In addition, I believe that my natural diplomacy and good interpersonal skills, my business expertise and huge interest in new products and marketing will enable me to become a part of your team.
Furthermore, my sense of responsibility and ambition to always aim for optimal results are my strengths that I would like to use to the benefit of any team and thereby contribute to the success of your company.

I see an internship at your company as a very good opportunity for me to use and expand my skills while also gaining first-hand experience in working within an Asian business culture. In my opinion an internationally active /global player as XX would be the best way to gain a lot of experience.
Especially the departments Sales and Marketing are in great interest for me as XX – in my opinion -is a leader in these sectors. Furthermore I take view that the Asian market will be a key market when it comes to automotive sales.

Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

[Delfino]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to inquire about opportunities for a 6-months internship
in your Marketing Department starting in February 2014.

Recently I started the 5th semester of my studies in Business Economics
at the University of Applied Sciences O... in ... , Germany.
My majors are Marketing and Finance Management.

In January 2011 I successfully completed my 3 year vocational training as a marketing assistant.
Afterwards I worked as a project manager for a search-engine-optimisation team at [ company name ],
an online marketing agency. In September 2011 I began to study business economics,
while continuing to work part-time for this company until the end of August 2012.
In September 2012 I was given the chance to start working part-time in the ... department
at Volkswagen Financial Services where I am supporting the marketing team.

I see an internship at your company as a very good opportunity for me to use and expand my skills
while also gaining first-hand experience in working within an Asian business culture. In my opinion
XX is a global player and the effectiveness of your marketing is demonstrated by the success in sales.
Furthermore, the Asian market will be a key market in regard to future automotive sales.
Therefore, I'm especially interested in working in a marketing or sales related department.
that would allow me to gain a lot of experience.

Due to my experience in marketing and especially online marketing I am confident
to be able to effectively support your marketing team. In addition, I believe that
my natural diplomacy and good interpersonal skills, my business expertise, my huge
interest in new products and marketing will enable me to become a valuable member of your team.
Furthermore, my sense of responsibility and ambition to always aim for optimal results
are my strengths that I would like to use to the benefit of any team and thereby
contribute to the success of your company.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,
...

A global automotive company cannot be seen as the leader in sales and marketing
unless it is a branch of the top car company. There can be only one!

look up the latest statistics...

http://www.1reservoir.com/awow-8

http://www.kpmg.com/US/en/IssuesAndInsi ... y-2013.pdf