Bewertung des Stils in Englisch

[Telephone]

Hallo,

ich würde gerne meinen Stil in Englisch verbessern. Meine Klausuren werden immer vom Stil her mit 8 Punkten bewertet. Ich habe hier eine Beispielklausur von mir (Stil 8 Punkte). Wie könnte man diese Klausur vom Stil her verbessern?

Task 1: The text "The Breadwinner" by Leslie Halward deals with a poor family. A mother and a father have a meal and discuss who will get the money of their son. The mother explains that she needs the money to buy important things. But the father mentions that he is the boss of the family. When the boy arrives home, his parents still discuss who will get the money. Finally, the boy tells that he has lost it. The father becomes very angy and decides to send him to bed, whereas the mother wants to give him some food. After that, the parents sit at the table again, eat and ignore each other until the mother decides to run up to the boys room. At last, the mother goes to the son, wo gives her a small envelope from which the mother pulls out some money.

Task 2: Obviously the family is very poor and really needs the money their son earns. But there doesn't exist a good communication in this family, the fact, that the parents discuss a short time before the son arrives, who will get the money, shows. It seems, that the parents never thought about the fact how the money will be managed. Instead of finding a good solution for this problem, the father stresses his position as a boss in this family. Additionally, the behaviour of the son, telling a lie, shows, that it is obviously impossible to talk about money without being worried about the consequences.

Task 3: On the one hand, the son could stop the discussion between his parents, on the other hand, the father could find out later where the money is and the discussion could start again. I think if this happens the father will get very angry again because the son didn't tell him the truth. But if the son is really sure, that the mother will spend the money for the right things, it will be a good decision. My opinion is that telling the truth is the best way, but in this case lying was maybe the only way to find a good solution.

[01maste]

Hi.

Nur ein paar Vorschlagen

Sie könnten vielleicht andere Wörter benutzen (bsw. "receive" statt "get", "however" statt "but", "explains" statt "tells"

Wenn Sie wollen, könnte ich helfen. Ich bin Englisch Muttersprachlerin und habe vor 2 Jahre in eine Schule mit Englisch geholfen.