Master Bewerbung

[ihg]

Hallo Zusammen,

wäre jemand so nett und liest einmal über mein Motivationsschreiben für eine Master Bewerbung? Wäre euch sehr dankbar. Viele Grüße IHG

I hereby apply for the Master in ***(WS 2013) at the ***. ***University is my first choice because of its excellent, well kown reputation and its outstanding network opportunities in Germany and all over the world. The ***University is widely known for its excellence of education, the multiple opportunities for students to broaden their horizons, as well as the inspiring student community.
Friends of mine, which did their bachelor´s degree in *** *** at ***confirmed, that all their expectations were justified. The overall program is well organized and they are satisfied with the content taught. After having reviewed the various programs, the Master in ******quickly caught my attention. The automotive industry is, in terms of revenues, by far the most important branch of industry in Germany. Germany is, after China and the U.S., the third largest car producer in the world. Especially in combination with my Bachleor´s degree I see in the highly specialized Master of ******a great chance for my career.

As I think that it is important to study Marketing not as a stand-alone subject but combined with management and economics I decided to do my undergraduate studies at the ***. The ***is one of the most renowned business schools in Germany that offered this kind of integrated marketing studies. During my studies at the *** I gained a deep insight into marketing, sales, corporate communication and media management. Due to the work experience and the theoretical knowledge I will have after my master studies in the field of marketing and the automotive branch, I feel quite confident about getting a great job in that area.

Additionally, the opportunity to obtain a master in three semesters, with one semester abroad appeals very attractive to me. I am really looking forward to get to know new cultures and discover foreign countries. In order to reach my professional goals in future, I am very confident that the Master in *** ***at *** University will be the best possible choice.

Please do not hesitate to contact me for further questions.

[gleichgültig]

Hallo Zusammen,

wäre jemand so nett und liest einmal über mein Motivationsschreiben für eine Master Bewerbung? Wäre euch sehr dankbar. Viele Grüße IHG

I hereby apply for the Master in ***(WS 2013) at the ***. ***University is my first choice because of its excellent, well kown reputation and its outstanding network opportunities in Germany and all over the world. The ***University is widely known for its excellence of education, the multiple opportunities for students to broaden their horizons, as well as the inspiring student community.
Friends of mine, which did their bachelor´s degree in *** *** at ***confirmed, that all their expectations were justified. The overall program is well organized and they are satisfied with the content taught. After having reviewed the various programs, the Master in ******quickly caught my attention. The automotive industry is, in terms of revenues, by far the most important branch of industry in Germany. Germany is, after China and the U.S., the third largest car producer in the world. Especially in combination with my Bachleor´s degree I see in the highly specialized Master of ******a great chance for my career.

As I think that it is important to study Marketing not as a stand-alone subject but combined with management and economics I decided to do my undergraduate studies at the ***. The ***is one of the most renowned business schools in Germany that offered this kind of integrated marketing studies. During my studies at the *** I gained a deep insight into marketing, sales, corporate communication and media management. Due to the work experience and the theoretical knowledge I will have after my master studies in the field of marketing and the automotive branch, I feel quite confident about getting a great job in that area.

Additionally, the opportunity to obtain a master in three semesters, with one semester abroad appeals very attractive to me. I am really looking forward to get to know new cultures and discover foreign countries. In order to reach my professional goals in future, I am very confident that the Master in *** ***at *** University will be the best possible choice.

Please do not hesitate to contact me for further questions.

Hello IHG,

I'm English and I work for a University in the UK so I hope I can give you some feedback about style and grammar/spelling errors. However, it's entirely up to you whether you take this on board. I feel awkward correcting a University application as there's so much riding on it.

Firstly some of your spelling is American. This is obviously fine if you're applying to an American institution, however it will need to be revised if the University is British. I've added them to the corrections but feel free to ignore them if they're deliberately american. Also you take a Masters not a Master course. I've highlighted changes in red.


I hereby apply for the Master in ***(WS 2013) at the ***. [ -this first sentence may not be necessary if it's part of a larger application.] ***University is my first choice due to its excellent [, well known – not sure this adds anything] reputation and the fantastic opportunities to network in Germany and wordwide. The ***University is widely known for its excellence of education, its inspiring student community and for the multiple opportunities its students have to broaden their horizons.

Friends of mine, who completed their bachelor's degree in *** *** at ***, confirmed that their high expectations of your institution were justified. They found the overall programme [british spelling] to be well organised [british spelling] and they were satisfied with the content of the course [satisfied implies average perhaps another phrase would work better: they were highly impressed by the content of the course]. After reviewing the various programmes offered [british spelling], the Masters in ******quickly caught my attention. The automotive industry is, in terms of revenue [no s], by far the most important branch of industry in Germany. [Word order]After China and the U.S. Germany is the third largest car producer in the world.[-Perhaps state why this is important, perhaps experience in Germany has given you some advantage/experience?]. Especially in combination with my Bachelor’s degree I see in the highly specialised [british spelling] Master of ******a great chance for my career.[Consider revising the word order. Perhaps: The highly specialised *** programme [British spelling]should greatly enhance my career opportunities/will compliment my future career goals, especially in combination with my Bachelor’s degree.]


[Word order] I decided to complete my undergraduate studies at *** as I think that it is important to study Marketing combined with management and economics rather than as stand alone subject. [Perhaps give the reason why economics is integral to marketing].
The ***is one of the most renowned business schools in Germany that offers this type of integrated marketing studies. During my [studies at the *** - repeitition] time there I gained a deep insight into marketing, sales, corporate communication and media management. *Due to the work experience and the theoretical knowledge I will have after my masters studies in the field of marketing and the automotive branch, I feel quite confident about getting a great job in that area.
*[Consider revising, it’s a hypothetical situation but you have written about a conditional future as if it's a certainty. Consider instead: If my application is successful I am sure that the work experience and theoretical knowledge I would gain at your institution would help me to find a position in the marketing and automotive field. The word automotive sounds foreign to me. Maybe double check to see whether they call it the automobile industry or something like that. Maybe look at the University’s website to see if they reference it.]

Additionally, the opportunity to obtain a masters degree in three semesters, with a semester abroad, appeals very attractive to me.[Either: is very attractive to me/ or appeals to me]. I am really looking forward to get toknow experiencing new cultures and discovering foreign countries [Perhaps: I would relish the opportunity to experience new cultures and to discover different countries.] [Word order changed:]I am confident that the Masters in ** at *** University will be the best possible choice for me in order to reach my professional goals in the future.

I hope this helps but remember except for some spelling errors and things I have crossed out the style changes are suggestions. They sound more natural for me but it's your application Let me know if you have questions.