Grammatikalisch sicherlich was böses eingeschlichen, hoffe trotzdem, dass man den Inhalt versteht.
Pride goes before a fall
A old man laughed about the other three passenger while they arrived the border. In general, the old man was dressed strange.
He only wearied a white scarf around his bottom.
„You have chocolate, you have a radio and you a recorder“ the old man said and laughed.
„They will take everything from you if we arrive the border. I know this country and you can´t import anything.”
The people were cowed by the old man and he was not tired and scared the people again. “Ah! And what I see there? A watch and a shirt. And your friend thinks that he can pass through the borders with this exclusive coat?
The people got more nervous because in few minutes they encountered the costumes police.
The people gradually understood why the old man was half naked and they recognized that even his scarf was produced in that country.
When they arrived the border, the costumes polices took everything from the passengers. They were stricter as the man said.
The old man looked up and laughed while the police took the chocolate, radio and coat into the police car.
Suddenly a officer asked the old man why he is so happy.
The old man smiled and said: “I´m naked and the scarf is produced in your country. I have nothing that you can take away from me. ”
“You know a lot of things, isn´t it ? The police officer was inquired stony-faced.
“Yes, I read a lot of books” he was showed off.
“And what kind of books do you read?” the police officer friendly asked.
The old man list a lot of books and the police officer patiently named every title on his note. Furthermore, he friendly asked for every work, how the author was called.
As the old man stopped to name the books that he knows, the police officer asked him: “Is that all?”
The old man negated the question with a bright smile and named another list of books that he read.
The police officer wrote everything and suddenly the old man just realized what happened and felt sick. “So”, the police officer said to the know-all, “you keep two hundred books in your mind and want to smuggle these books in our country. And half of the books that you named are forbidden in our country."
He looked to the old man who wished the ground would open and swallowed him up.
"What dubious methods these smugglers create..., unbelievable!”, the police officer upset said and toke the old man off the car and sent him back to that country where he was come from.
Allgemein finde ich, dass das ziemlich kurz ist und das Ende scheint mir auch nicht Richtig. Laut Zettel muss das Ende abrupt und offen sein.
Danke schon mal.
Short Story - gelungen?
-
hamburg243
Re: Short Story - gelungen?
Zweit Korrektur von mir:
Pride goes before a fall
A old man laughed about other three passengers while they arrived the border. Also the old man was dressed strange.
He was only wearing a white scarf around his bottom.
„You have chocolate, you a radio and you a recorder“ the old man said to each of them and laughed.
„They will take everything from you when we arrive at the border. I know this country and you can´t import anything.”
The passengers were cowed by the old man and he was not tired and scaring them over and over again. “Ah! And what I see there? A watch and a shirt. And your friend thinks that he can pass through the borders with this exclusive coat?
The people got more nervous because in few minutes they encountered the costumes police.
Everybody gradually understood why the old man was half naked and they recognized that even his scarf was produced in that country.
When they arrived the border, the costumes polices took everything from the passengers. They were stricter as the man said.
The old man looked up and laughed while the police took the chocolate, radio and coat into the police car.
Suddenly a officer asked the old man why he is so happy.
The old man smiled and said: “I´m naked and the scarf is produced in your country. I have nothing that you can take away from me. ”
“You know a lot of things, don´t you ? The police officer was inquiring stony-faced.
“Yes, I read a lot of books” he was showed off.
“And what kind of books do you read?” the police officer friendly asked.
The old man list a lot of books and the police officer patiently named every title on his note. In addition, he friendly asked for every work, how the author was called.
As the old man stopped to name the books that he knows, the police officer asked him: “Is that all?”
The old man negated the question with a bright smile and named another list of books that he read.
The police officer wrote everything and suddenly the old man just realized what happened and felt sick. “So”, the police officer said to the know-all, “you keep two hundred books in your mind and every book you want to smuggle into our country. And half of the books that you named are forbidden in our country. What dubious methods these smugglers create..., unbelievable!”, the police officer upset said and toke the old man off the car and sent him back to that country where he was come from.
Pride goes before a fall
A old man laughed about other three passengers while they arrived the border. Also the old man was dressed strange.
He was only wearing a white scarf around his bottom.
„You have chocolate, you a radio and you a recorder“ the old man said to each of them and laughed.
„They will take everything from you when we arrive at the border. I know this country and you can´t import anything.”
The passengers were cowed by the old man and he was not tired and scaring them over and over again. “Ah! And what I see there? A watch and a shirt. And your friend thinks that he can pass through the borders with this exclusive coat?
The people got more nervous because in few minutes they encountered the costumes police.
Everybody gradually understood why the old man was half naked and they recognized that even his scarf was produced in that country.
When they arrived the border, the costumes polices took everything from the passengers. They were stricter as the man said.
The old man looked up and laughed while the police took the chocolate, radio and coat into the police car.
Suddenly a officer asked the old man why he is so happy.
The old man smiled and said: “I´m naked and the scarf is produced in your country. I have nothing that you can take away from me. ”
“You know a lot of things, don´t you ? The police officer was inquiring stony-faced.
“Yes, I read a lot of books” he was showed off.
“And what kind of books do you read?” the police officer friendly asked.
The old man list a lot of books and the police officer patiently named every title on his note. In addition, he friendly asked for every work, how the author was called.
As the old man stopped to name the books that he knows, the police officer asked him: “Is that all?”
The old man negated the question with a bright smile and named another list of books that he read.
The police officer wrote everything and suddenly the old man just realized what happened and felt sick. “So”, the police officer said to the know-all, “you keep two hundred books in your mind and every book you want to smuggle into our country. And half of the books that you named are forbidden in our country. What dubious methods these smugglers create..., unbelievable!”, the police officer upset said and toke the old man off the car and sent him back to that country where he was come from.