Korrekturlesen Bewerbung

[bubidup]

Hallo,

habe gerade dieses Forum entdeckt und bin begeistert. Ich schreibe nämlich gerade eine Bewerbung und es wäre super, wenn diese jemand im englischen Korrekturlesen könnte.

Ich danke euch....



Dear Sir or Madam,



while reading your employment ad for the Graduate Program in Information Services/Systems, I got more and more excited about this job opportunity. The chance to work at the prestigious XYZ corporation, to gain insight into the mode of practice and to be educated on a professional level would intrigue me. For this reason I am compelled to write this letter of application, which, along with my enclosed CV, will help illustrate why I am suitable for this position.



Recently, I completed my studies in Computer Science at XYZ Universität. During my Diploma thesis with the topic “XYZ” I have gained profound experience in programming with C++. My developed application required not only the correct implementation of the mathematic background, it also needed the development of an user-interface, which allows a large target audience to use this application in an intuitive way. To achieve that goal I have been able to use my experience in the area of usability, which I acquired during my studies in the minor subject Psychology and my professional experience at the XYZ corporation in cooperation with XYZ.

In addition, I worked as a student assistant at XYZ for two years. We produced eLearning applications. In this position I gained insight into the project management and was involved in the planning process.



Furthermore, I have also excelled in communicative and organisational skills. This, no doubt, has been helped by my time spent living abroad and my experience as a freelancer, which has allowed me to further learn how to function independantly, as well as work in conjuntion with others. Indeed, my interest in interacting with diverse groups of people is reflected by my ability to speak three additional languages fluently.



Should I be selected, you will be getting not only a crucial addition to your team, you will also be getting someone who values her work, and is passionate about whatever project she is involved in.



Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to hearing from you.





Yours sincerely,

X Y

[Delfino]

Hallo,

ich habe gerade dieses Forum entdeckt und bin begeistert.
Ich schreibe nämlich gerade eine Bewerbung und es wäre super,
wenn jemand diesen englischen Text korrekturlesen könnte.

Ich danke euch....



Dear Sir or Madam,

While reading your employment ad for the Graduate Program in Information Services/Systems, I got more and more excited about this job opportunity.
I am intrigued by the chance to work at the prestigious XYZ corporation, to gain an insight into your best practices, and to continue my education in a professional environment.
For this reason, I feel compelled to write this letter of application, which, along with my enclosed CV, will help illustrate why I am suitable for this position.

Recently, I completed my studies for a Bachelor in Computer Science at [use the English title from the English version of your university's website], Germany.
Working on my Bachelor thesis with the topic “[short English title]” I have gained profound experience in programming with C++.
The development of my application required not only the correct implementation of the mathematical background, it also needed an appropriate user interface, which allows a large target audience to use this application in an intuitive way.
To achieve this second requirement I was able to built on my experience in the area of usability, which I had acquired during my minor studies of psychology and my professional experience at the XYZ corporation in cooperation with XYZ.

In addition, I worked as a student assistant at XYZ for two years.
We produced eLearning applications.
In this position I gained experience in project management and was involved in the planning process.

Furthermore, I have also excellent communication and organisational skills.
Furthermore, I have also excelled in communication and organisation related tasks/subjects/assignments.

This, no doubt, has been helped by the time I spent living abroad and my experience as a freelancer, which has allowed me to further learn how to function independently, as well as work in conjunction with others.
Indeed, my interest in the interaction with diverse groups of people is reflected in my ability to speak three foreign languages fluently.

Should I be selected, you will be getting not only a crucial addition to your team,
you will also be getting someone who values her work, and who is passionate about the project she is involved in.

Thank you for considering my application, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

X Y

I hope you gained a Bachelor degree and not a diploma
as it is easier for an employer to compare those degrees.

The European Bolonga process should have forced all German universities
to adjust their offered courses to Bachelor/Master degrees by 2010.

Thesis is a rather academic expression, while you are trying to provide evidence of your programming skills and...
So maybe you to want include your professional approach to managing this (biggest ?) programming project of yours.

You may want to consider being precise and mention those three foreign languages.

a user is correct
"User" starts with the consonant sound "y", not with a vowel sound, even though it is spelled with a vowel as the first letter.

The English and Americans prefer to use short sentences!