Letter of motivation

[einfallsreich1.0]

Hi,

ich bin gerade in der Bewerbungsphase für ein Auslandssemester und würde mich sehr freuen, wenn jemand mein Motivationsschreiben zur Korrektur lesen könnte. Es ist doch schon etwas her, dass ich den letzen englischen Text geschrieben habe.

Dear sir or madam, [Leider kenne ich den Addressaten nicht]

my Japanese teacher Mrs. [] called my attention to your [] program and therefore I would like to apply for your scholarship for the summer term of 2013.

In the year of 2008 I stared to learn Japanese at an adult education center during my schooldays. Because of a one year gap due to my Abitur and stressful first semester and moreover the higher proficiency level I decided to continue at the university with the Japanese beginner class in my second semester. As a balance to my intense curriculum I once a week study the linguistic feature with my fellow students.

Due to my enthusiasm for languages I choose my school because it gave me the opportunity to learn not only English, but Latin and Spanish as well.
My first contact with the Japanese culture was not manga or but Japanese rock music. Thereby I got to know and love the different sound and rhythm of this exotic language. Rapidly I became interested in manga and as well. Instead of reading subtitles I eventually wanted to understand Japanese and the culture connected to it on my own. For me the particular charm of Japanese is that it is known to be one of the most difficult languages. To be able to choose the correct words the cultural background seems to be even more important than in other languages. Since then I never tired of decoding this sophisticated language.

Presently I’m studying economics at the Ludwig-Maximilians-University in my third semester.
At the age of 16 I already resolved to study economics. From then on I followed the economic news with great interest, compared the different degree programs and started to read books used in studies to be sure of my decision. Ultimately I choose the Ludwig-Maximilians-University because on the one hand many of the professors are internationally well-respected and there are many possibilities of assistance measures and optional subjects, such as language courses. On the other hand the degree program in Munich meets my expectations to a great extent. In addition Munich is rather close to my hometown but simultaneously a cosmopolitan city. Since I want to work internationally later on, this symbiosis is a perfect preparation for living independently and working with people of all cultural areas.

Currently I’m studying the subjects advanced microeconomics and macroeconomics, empirical economics, finance, investing and financing and in addition the optional subject game theory. Thereof I prefer advanced macroeconomics and game theory and I can actually picture myself working in one of these fields. My dream job is to work as an economic adviser in politics.

Since I know of your program I researched your university and the city of Fukuoka.
For me Fukuoka itself is appealing due to the fact that is as big as Munich so I actually have the chance to get to know most of the city during my stay. Since I live near the Bavarian Alps the difference to the port city Fukuoka will be extremely fascinating. Given the closeness to South Korea I’m moreover intrigued by the possible influence of trade on the local culture.
The Fukuoka women’s university and its internet presence give a very positive first impression. I can highly identify myself with the concept of your university because I think of myself as an ambitious and open minded person. Your motivation to support young women individually to prepare them for an international competition in all areas of life by giving them access to highly qualified education and by leading them to different mind-sets and cultures is an efficient way to create independent and confident women. Despite the global network there is mostly no or only little mutual understanding between nationalities. In my opinion the easiest way to comprehend another is to study side by side and make friends.

For my personal and academic future I would like to develop the skills, knowledge and behavior that are necessary to perform as a confident, independent person and as an active learner who is able to work individually as well as in groups. I am certain that the exchange of differences and knowledge will influence and improve my personality and abilities. In my opinion a semester abroad is not only about obtaining new experiences yourself, but also about sharing your experiences with others.
I’m very keen on giving my future fellow students an insight into my culture to let them profit from my presence. Furthermore I’m intent on showing high commitment to be able to enhance my knowledge in all aspects of Japanese life and thereby being an asset for the project of bringing together young, determined women to broad their horizon and to hone their abilities.

I would be very grateful for the opportunity to be part of your exceptional project.

Yours sincerely



Ich bin sehr dankbar für jede konstruktive Kritik.


Schon mal vielen Dank für eure Hilfe.


Liebe Grüße


einfallsreich

[Delfino]

Dear Sir or Madam,

My Japanese teacher Mrs. [name] called my attention to your [name] program, and therefore, I would like to apply for your scholarship for the summer term of 2013.

My first contact with the Japanese culture was not manga or - but Japanese rock music.
Thereby I got to know and love the different sound and rhythm of this exotic language.
Rapidly I became interested in manga and as well. Instead of reading subtitles I eventually wanted to understand Japanese and the culture connected to it.
For me the particular charm of Japanese is that it is known to be one of the most difficult languages.
To be able to choose the correct words within the cultural background seems to be even more important than in other languages.
Since then I never got tired of decoding this sophisticated language.

Due to my enthusiasm for languages I choose my high school, because it gave me the opportunity to learn not only English, but Latin and Spanish as well.

In 2008, while going to school, I started to learn Japanese at an adult education centre.
Unfortunately, I had to focus on other subjects during my senior year at high school and my first semester at university.
This lead to my decision to join the beginner Japanese class in my second semester at the [name of university].
As a balance to my intense curriculum I study the linguistic features of Japanese with my fellow students.

Presently, I am studying economics at the Ludwig-Maximilians-University in my third semester.
At the age of 16 I had already resolved to study economics. (Why?)
From then on I followed the economic news with great interest, compared the different degree programs and started to read books used in studies to be sure of my decision.

Ultimately, I choose the Ludwig-Maximilians-University, because on the one hand many of the professors are internationally well-respected and there are many possibilities of assistance measures and optional subjects, such as language courses.

On the other hand the degree program in Munich meets my expectations to a great extent.
In addition, Munich is rather close to my hometown, but simultaneously a cosmopolitan city.
Since I want to work internationally later on, this symbiosis is a perfect preparation for living independently and working with people of all cultural areas.

Currently, I am studying the subjects Advanced Microeconomics and Macroeconomics, Empirical Economics, Finance, Investing and Financing and in addition the optional subject Game Theory.
I prefer Advanced Macroeconomics and Game Theory, because I can actually picture myself working in one of these fields. My dream job is to work as an economic adviser in politics.

Since I was made aware of your program I researched your university and the city of Fukuoka.
For me Fukuoka itself is appealing due to the fact that is as big as Munich, so I actually have the chance to get to know most of the city during my stay.
Since I live near the Bavarian Alps the difference to the port city Fukuoka will be extremely fascinating.
Moreover, given the closeness to South Korea I am intrigued by the possible influence of trade on the local culture.
The Fukuoka Women’s University and its internet presence give a very positive first impression.
I can highly identify myself with the philosophy of your university, because I think of myself as an ambitious and open-minded person.

Your motivation to support young women individually to prepare them for an international competition in all areas of life by giving them access to highly qualified education and by leading them to different mind-sets and cultures is an efficient way to create independent and confident women.

Despite the global network (what?) there is mostly no or only little mutual understanding between nationalities.
In my opinion the easiest way to understand each another is to study side by side and become friends.

For my personal and academic future I would like to develop the skills, knowledge and behavior that are necessary to perform as a confident, independent person and as an active learner who is able to work individually as well as in groups.

I am certain that the exchange of differences and knowledge will positively influence and improve my personality and abilities.
In my opinion a semester abroad is not only about gaining experience and obtaining new knowledge yourself, but also about sharing your experience with others.
I am very keen on giving my future fellow students an insight into my culture to let them profit from my presence.

Furthermore, I intent on showing high commitment to be able to enhance my knowledge in all aspects of Japanese life and thereby being an asset for the project of bringing together young, determined women to broad their horizon and to hone their abilities.

I would be very grateful for the opportunity to be part of your exceptional project (which project?).

Yours sincerely,

[your name]

In English names and titles are capitalised.
They also prefer relatively short sentences. Check the length of your sentences!
No short forms in formal letters ( I'm etc.)

How did you get to know Japanese rock music in Europe (Germany)?
Why didn't you major in languages as you said that you feel so enthusiastic about them?
Why did you decide to study economics at the age of 16?
How can you get to know most of a city as big as Munich?
You kind of make it sound small or how long are you planing to stay... you need to study too.

Trying to master a language because it's hard to learn could be interpreted as fearless or aiming to show-off.
You are more likely to succeed if you are able to demonstrate your ability to combine it with your economic interest/forsight.
Show them that you are able to make rational decisions etc.


The "impressive" English homepage features a link "Commitment to launch April 2011"
which should be "... successfully launched in April 2011" given the fact that it's nearly 2013 now.

http://www.fwu.ac.jp/english/index.php


How can their aim "to foster people who respect diversity and can act independently to resolve (the) problems of our society"
be combined with a women's only university?

http://www.fwu.ac.jp/english/guide/concept.php