Hilfe bei Textkorrektur

[presslufthammer]

Moin Moin

Habe hier zwei Texte die auf eine korrektur warten
Ich hoffe jemand von euch kann mir helfen.

1)If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA. In my opinion, the USA is one of the interesting countries in the world. Four years ago, I was visiting the east coast for two weeks and I was very fascinated with this country. The most people are very friendly and as a German you are respected. You can travel throw the country and find some different parts, for example desert, wood and lake countryside or the east or west coast. A further good thing would be that you can buy a lot of things there. The USA has the best industrial development of the world. You can find food articles in many different ways in the shops or restaurants. But I would miss some things in Germany. The important thing would be my family and friends. It could visit them or the other way around, but that wouldn’t be the same as if I can go to my family when I want to all time. I would miss the German countryside. I’m born and raised in Germany and I like it very much. I will have to change a lot of habits which are normal in Germany but very confused in the USA.

2) The Gertens, a normal family with father, mother and two children had lived 30 years in Germany. Peter, the father, had been a high manager position in a big Germany factory. He was working very hard every day. One’s day his boss wanted to talk with him about a new job. He wanted to give him a chef position in the branch in New York. It would be a career advancement. The problem was that he and his family had to move to New York. His wife wasn’t very impressed of that idea. She had all her friends in Germany and the two children are at the school now. She saw a lot of trouble in this situation. In the end Peter persuaded his wife to the move to New York. The first time in New York was very hard for the family. The weather, the people, the food and many other things were different to Germany. An old friend of him was helping whenever they had problems. After a short time they have lived without problems. Peter’s wife has found a new job as a secretary. The two children went to a high-school and now they work in good positions. The have found new friends and happiness in their life. Looking back they are very glad that they did this way in their life.
The Gertens, a normal family with father, mother and two children had lived 30 years in Germany. Peter, the father, had been a high manager position in a big Germany factory. He was working very hard every day. One’s day his boss wanted to talk with him about a new job. He wanted to give him a chef position in the branch in New York. It would be a career advancement. The problem was that he and his family had to move to New York. His wife wasn’t very impressed of that idea. She had all her friends in Germany and the two children are at the school now. She saw a lot of trouble in this situation. In the end Peter persuaded his wife to the move to New York. The first time in New York was very hard for the family. The weather, the people, the food and many other things were different to Germany. An old friend of him was helping whenever they had problems. After a short time they have lived without problems. Peter’s wife has found a new job as a secretary. The two children went to a high-school and now they work in good positions. The have found new friends and happiness in their life. Looking back they are very glad that they did this way in their life.

[presslufthammer]

keiner da der einmal einen Blick über den Text werfen kann?:(

[joy]

Moin Moin

Habe hier zwei Texte die auf eine Korrektur warten
Ich hoffe jemand von euch kann mir helfen.

1)If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA. In my opinion, the USA is one of the most interesting countries in the world. Four years ago, I was visiting the east coast for two weeks and I was very fascinated with this country. The Most Americans people are very friendly and as a German you are respected. You can travel throw through the country and find some different parts, for example desert, wood and lake countryside or the east or west coast. A further good thing would be that you can buy a lot of things there. The USA has the best industrial development of the world. You can find food articles in many different ways in the shops or restaurants. But I would miss some things [/color]infrom Germany. The important thing would be my family and friends. It I could visit them sometimes or the other way around, but that wouldn’t be the same[/color] as if at home, whereI can always go to my family when I want all time.[ I would miss the German countryside. I’m I was born and raised in Germany and I like it very much. I will would have to change a lot of habits which are normal in Germany but very confused unusualin the USA.

2) The Gertens, a normal family with father, mother and two children had lived in Germany for30 years in Germany. Peter, the father, had been a high manager position in a big GermanyGermanfactory. He was working very hard every day. One’sOneday his boss wanted to talk with him about a new job. He wanted to give him a chef position in the branch in New York. It would be an opportunity for hiscareer advancement. The problem was that he and his family had to move to New York. His wifewasn’t very impressed of by that idea. She had all her friends in Germany and the two children are at went to the school nowthen. She saw a lot of trouble in this situation. In the end Peter persuaded his wife to the move to New York. The first time in New York was very hard for the family. The weather, the people, the food and many other things were different to from those of Germany. An old friend of him was helping whenever they had problems. After a short time they have lived they got accustomed and since then they have lived there without problems. Peter’s wife has found a new job as a secretary. The two children went to a high-school and now they work in good positions. They have found new friends and happiness in their life lives. Looking back they are very glad that they did this way in their life.

[presslufthammer]

Danke Schön für deine Hilfe.
Waren ja mal wieder nen paar Flüchtigkeitsfehler dabei und bei genauerem betrachten sind die korrigierten Fehler auch logisch.

Noch mal Danke

[tiorthan]

Meine Korrekturen in Pink

1)If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA. In my opinion, the USA are₁ one of the most interesting countries in the world. Four years ago, I visited₂ the east coast for two weeks and I was very fascinated by₃ this country. The Most Americans people are very friendly and as a German you are respected. You can travel throw through the country and find some different parts, for example desert, wood and lake countryside or the east or west coast. A further good thing would be that you can buy a lot of things there. The USA has the best industrial development of the world. You can find food articles in many different ways in the shops or restaurants. But I would miss some things infrom Germany. The important thing would be my family and friends. It I could visit them sometimes or the other way around, but that wouldn’t be the same as if at home, where I can always go to my family when I want all time. I would miss the German countryside. I’mI was born and raised in Germany and I like it very much. I will would have to change a lot of habits which are normal in Germany but very confused unusual in the USA.
2) The Gertens, a normal family of₄ a father, mother and two children had₅ lived in Germany for 30 years in Germany. Peter, the father, had been an upper management position in a big Germany German factory. He worked₆ very hard every day. One’s One day his boss wanted to talk with him about a new job. He wanted to give him a leading₇ position in the branch in New York. It would be an opportunity forhis career advancement. The problem was that he and his family had to move to New York. His wife wasn’t very impressed of by that idea. She had all her friends in Germany and the two children are at went to the school nowthen. She saw a lot of trouble in this situation. In the end Peter persuaded his wife to the move to New York. The first time in New York was very hard for the family. The weather, the people, the food and many other things were different to from those in₈ Germany. An old friend of theirs₉ helped₁₀ whenever they had problems. After a short time they have lived they settled down₁₁ and since they have lived there without problems. Peter’s wife has found₁₂ a new job as a secretary. The two children went to a high-school and now they work in good positions. They have found new friends and happiness in their life lives. Looking back they are very glad that they did it this way in their life.

1 - Die USA sind auch auf Englisch immer ein Pluralwort.

2 - Grundsätzlich verwendet man die Aspekte (Perfect und Continuous) nur dort, wo es notwendig ist. Das Continuous hat hier aber keine Grundlage.

3 - Fascinated with würde ich nur für Dinge benutzen, die mit denen ich mich fasziniert beschäftigen kann, das ist bei einem Land eher nicht der Fall.

4 - Hier werden die "Bestandteile" der Familie beschrieben und das macht man mit of. With würde ich nehmen, wenn ich Dinge beschreibe, die nicht zur Familie gehören.

5 - Der Perfect Aspekt war hier schon richtig, denn im Rahmen der Erzählzeit handelt es sich an dieser Stelle des Textes um etwas, das aus Sicht der Erzählzeit (Past) eine Handlung mit direkt spürbarem Resultat ist. Damit ergibt sich hier ein Past Perfect. Durch das Perfect zeigen wir hier dem Leser, dass die Handlung in der weiteren Erzählung am Ende dieser 30 Jahre stattfindet, denn so ist das hier wohl gemeint.

6 - "Every day" zeigt an, dass es sich um etwas regelmäßiges handelt. Regelmäßig wiederkehrende Dinge werden nicht im Continuous ausgedrückt.

7 - Das Englische Wort chef bedeutet auf deutsch Koch.

8 - Mit of würde man "deutsche" Dinge ausdrücken, also solche, bei denen man ein "Besitzverhältnis" etablieren könnte, das würde ich bei diesen Dingen nicht als beste Wahl ansehen.

9 - Alternativ "of his", was ich aber nicht so schön finde, weil er ja allen hilft.

10 - Hier ist ebenfalls von wiederholter Handlung die Rede. Wenn hier etwas das Continuous verdienen würde, dann ist es "whenever they were having problems", denn dabei handelt es sich gegebenenfalls um den jeweils länger anhaltenden Zustand.

11 - Nach "get accustomed" würde ich ein "to" erwarten, "settle down" erfasst die Situation besser.

12 - Es gab keinen Grund das zu korrigieren. "Has found" sagt gleichzeitig auch aus, dass sie den Job jetzt gerade hat.[/color][/color]

[joy]

Meine Korrekturen in Pink

1)If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA. In my opinion, the USA are₁ one of the most interesting countries in the world. Four years ago, I visited₂ the east coast for two weeks and I was very fascinated by₃ this country. The Most Americans people are very friendly and as a German you are respected. You can travel throw through the country and find some different parts, for example desert, wood and lake countryside or the east or west coast. A further good thing would be that you can buy a lot of things there. The USA has the best industrial development of the world. You can find food articles in many different ways in the shops or restaurants. But I would miss some things infrom Germany. The important thing would be my family and friends. It I could visit them sometimes or the other way around, but that wouldn’t be the same as if at home, where I can always go to my family when I want all time. I would miss the German countryside. I’mI was born and raised in Germany and I like it very much. I will would have to change a lot of habits which are normal in Germany but very confused unusual in the USA.
2) The Gertens, a normal family of₄ a father, mother and two children had₅ lived in Germany for 30 years in Germany. Peter, the father, had been an upper management position in a big Germany German factory. He worked₆ very hard every day. One’s One day his boss wanted to talk with him about a new job. He wanted to give him a leading₇ position in the branch in New York. It would be an opportunity forhis career advancement. The problem was that he and his family had to move to New York. His wife wasn’t very impressed of by that idea. She had all her friends in Germany and the two children are at went to the school nowthen. She saw a lot of trouble in this situation. In the end Peter persuaded his wife to the move to New York. The first time in New York was very hard for the family. The weather, the people, the food and many other things were different to from those in₈ Germany. An old friend of theirs₉ helped₁₀ whenever they had problems. After a short time they have lived they settled down₁₁ and since they have lived there without problems. Peter’s wife has found₁₂ a new job as a secretary. The two children went to a high-school and now they work in good positions. They have found new friends and happiness in their life lives. Looking back they are very glad that they did it this way in their life.

1 - Die USA sind auch auf Englisch immer ein Pluralwort. Ach ja!

2 - Grundsätzlich verwendet man die Aspekte (Perfect und Continuous) nur dort, wo es notwendig ist. Das Continuous hat hier aber keine Grundlage. OK

3 - Fascinated with würde ich nur für Dinge benutzen, die mit denen ich mich fasziniert beschäftigen kann, das ist bei einem Land eher nicht der Fall. OK

4 - Hier werden die "Bestandteile" der Familie beschrieben und das macht man mit of. With würde ich nehmen, wenn ich Dinge beschreibe, die nicht zur Familie gehören. OK

5 - Der Perfect Aspekt war hier schon richtig, denn im Rahmen der Erzählzeit handelt es sich an dieser Stelle des Textes um etwas, das aus Sicht der Erzählzeit (Past) eine Handlung mit direkt spürbarem Resultat ist. Damit ergibt sich hier ein Past Perfect. Durch das Perfect zeigen wir hier dem Leser, dass die Handlung in der weiteren Erzählung am Ende dieser 30 Jahre stattfindet, denn so ist das hier wohl gemeint. Ich habe das nicht so gesehen. Ich denke, dass presslufthammer von jetzt erzählt, und sich überlegt, wohin er auswandern würde - 1. Satz: "If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA." Die Gertens wanderten aus und sind jetzt in den USA.

6 - "Every day" zeigt an, dass es sich um etwas regelmäßiges handelt. Regelmäßig wiederkehrende Dinge werden nicht im Continuous ausgedrückt. Oh ja!

7 - Das Englische Wort chef bedeutet auf deutsch Koch. OK - das habe ich mal gewusst

8 - Mit of würde man "deutsche" Dinge ausdrücken, also solche, bei denen man ein "Besitzverhältnis" etablieren könnte, das würde ich bei diesen Dingen nicht als beste Wahl ansehen. OK - A quiet corner of Germany.

9 - Alternativ "of his", was ich aber nicht so schön finde, weil er ja allen hilft. Ja, er hilft allen, aber es ist trotzdem ein alter Freund von IHM.

10 - Hier ist ebenfalls von wiederholter Handlung die Rede. Wenn hier etwas das Continuous verdienen würde, dann ist es "whenever they were having problems", denn dabei handelt es sich gegebenenfalls um den jeweils länger anhaltenden Zustand. OK - Ich liebe die Zeiten!

11 - Nach "get accustomed" würde ich ein "to" erwarten, "settle down" erfasst die Situation besser. Erwarte nicht zuviel von mir. - Und "settle down" muss ich mir merken!

12 - Es gab keinen Grund das zu korrigieren. "Has found" sagt gleichzeitig auch aus, dass sie den Job jetzt gerade hat. Ja, das hätte ich nicht korrigieren dürfen, denn das weiss ja nur der Schreiber, hier presslufthammer - sorry

Danke tiorthan für deine Bemühungen

[tiorthan]

Ich habe das nicht so gesehen. Ich denke, dass presslufthammer von jetzt erzählt, und sich überlegt, wohin er auswandern würde - 1. Satz: "If I emigrated to another country, I would go to the USA." Die Gertens wanderten aus und sind jetzt in den USA.

Der Satz leitet aber eine Erzählung ein. In userer Sprache gibt es immer zwei Zeitebenen. Einmal das Jetzt, die Realzeit, die wir nicht beeinflussen können, aber auf die wir uns beziehen können, und es gibt die Erzählzeit. In einer Erzählung befindet man sich immer an irgendeinem Zeitpunkt, der nichts mit der Realzeit zu tun hat. Oft liegt diese Zeit in der realen Vergangenheit, und das dürfte auch der Grund sein, warum die Vergangenheit auch die normale Erzählzeitform ist, aber das muss eben nicht immer so sein. Wenn du eine Geschichte oder Erzählung beginnst, so wie das in diesem Satz hier ist, dann beginnt für den Zuhörer eine solche Erzählzeitebene. Der Zuhörer befindet sich in Gedanken an einem bestimmten Zeitpunkt in dieser Erzählzeit. Im Gegensatz zur Realzeit schreitet die Erzählzeit aber nur durch die Erzählung fort.

Hier beginnt, wie gesagt, eine Bericht oder eine Erzählung (das ist im Grunde das Gleiche, außer dass die Erzählung eben fiktional sein kann). Der Zuhörer befindet sich im Eingang der Geschichte an einem nicht genauer spezifizierten Zeitpunkt als Startpunkt der Erzählzeit. Die ersten Sätze ändern auch nichts an diesem Startpunkt sondern sie beschreiben diesen Punkt näher. Es wird beschrieben was die einzelnen Personen an diesem Zeitpunkt genau machen, wie sie leben etc. und es wird auch "for 30 years" gesagt. Diese Aussage bedeutet auf Deutsch "seit 30 Jahren" und es signalisiert dem Zuhörer, dass die Erzählzeit sich genau am Ende dieser 30 Jahre befindet. Daher ist das Perfect sogar unbedingt notwenig.

Man kann sogar noch weiter gehen und sagen "had been living in Germany for 30 years", da dieser Zustand in der Erzählzeit sogar noch andauert (und Dauer = Continuous). Im Gegensatz zum Perfect, dass durch die Formulierung (for ... ) explizit vorgegeben ist, kann man das Continous hier jedoch weg lassen.

9 - Alternativ "of his", was ich aber nicht so schön finde, weil er ja allen hilft. Ja, er hilft allen, aber es ist trotzdem ein alter Freund von IHM.

Ich wollte nur erklären, warum ich them genommen habe und nicht his.

[joy]

Vielen Dank für die ausführliche Erklärung tiortan. Jetzt kann ich das auch verstehen.

[tiorthan]

Ich glaube die Schwierigkeit ist, dass man den Text sehr analytisch zu betrachten versucht. Nach meiner Erfahrung machen die meisten das in eigenen Texten, auch eher richtig, denn es erwächst aus der Fähigkeit des Menschen, Zeit als abstraktes Konzept wahrnehmen zu können, als eine Art Raum, in dem Ereignisse platziert werden können.

[presslufthammer]

Moin Moin
Ich habe hier mal wieder einen kleinen Text.
Wäre super, wenn ihr kurz Zeit hättet und ein mal zur Korrektur lesen könntet.

Danke schon mal im Vorraus:

The perfect crime

One evening, a 35 years old man, sit alone around his chimney. The man has no wife and no children. He is unemployed. Every evening he is drunken, he drinks lots of alcohol with his bad friends. They aren’t looking forward to the future and so they steal money and other things. But in the last time they haven’t enough money for their drugs and alcohol, so they plan a big deal for getting more money.
A great diamond exhibition will take place in the town next month. There will be a lot of money to steal.
The friends plan a robbery of this exhibition.
Every day, every hour they sit together and draw up the perfect plan. At the beginning of the exhibition the friends are very excited but they have a beer and then they begin with the robbery. They are out with four men. Peter is the driver of the truck and drives all men to the exhibition. They are dressed with black clothes and with long black caps wearing about his whole head. They have weapons and big rucksacks for the diamonds and treasures. At the fixed starting time the other three men go over the sewerage system into the building, so they won’t spot of the security crew. Peter the driver is waiting in the car in front of the building. Unnoticed the others can go inside and there they go to the safe which the biggest diamonds are inside. Alex is a very good safe cracker and so on he can open the safe. The friends have luck, the exhibition start not until 30 minutes and the security crew and the service team do all preparations for the exhibition.
In the meantime Peter is waiting outside. He is very excited, because he doesn’t know if they are caught or is all ok with the guys. Before they started the robbery they bought radio equipment. But the walls of the building are so big that they haven’t any radio reception to Peter. Peters trouble isn’t necessary, the other have the diamonds in their rucksacks. Now it is important that they can escape unnoticely. They go to a small room. Under his black clothes the dresses a fine suit. From now on they are guest of the exhibition. The have much time to looking around and they drink one two drinks. Some minutes later they go calmly out of the building and get in to Peters car.
In the evening they sit around the chimney and are very happy that the robbery has been successful.
The evening news at the TV broadcast the robbery. But the police haven’t any ideas who are the robbers.
The friends will have a rich future.